The Universe # 2

Such an amazing poem, speaks to my better side, the side I would like to see more often. A side of love, appreciation, and care for all! Thanks to Nyx!

Anyone who likes my writings, I would highly consider going to Nyx’s website and reading their stuff!

Words From My Mind

Does the universe separate souls

Take half of who you are

Then put that half far out of reach

What do you endure to find that half

What obstacles do you face

Do you earn that half of yourself back

After years of turmoil and heartache

Through the trials and tribulations of this life

If that is the way, the pain is worth it

Anything we go through is worth

Finding what we have always been searching for

Nyx

Image Source: http://shesgonelalaa.tumblr.com

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Barren Mindscape

Barren Mindscape,

Filled with pain and emptiness,
Gasping for breath,
Trying not to drown,
Always in vain.

I shall find my end.

Or it shall find me.

Before then it shall find me in my barren mindscape.

Lost,
Empty,
Alone,
Afraid,
Scared,
Pained.

You kill me, just as you don’t know.

Killing from afar,
Every smile,
Every touch,
When you joke and smil

Then,
You go off and show me what I am missing,
Getting close to someone else right next to me.
As you know how I feel.

 

You hurt me,
Tempt me,
Break me,
Rip me apart from the inside.

Do you know what you do to me?

Break me,
Hurt me,
Do everything to kill me inside.

I am left empty.
Left lifeless,
Trapped within my barren mindscape.

Do you intend to cause this pain?
As you have before.

Ripped apart from the inside.

My barren mindscape a warzone.

Dead, empty, bloody, hurt.

This is what I live through, in the barren mindscape of my life.

Linger on Every Word

Phone rings,

Your name,

A picture, your beautiful, pretty face.

I beam, despite the thoughts.

Left thinking, wondering.

Answer to hear your voice.

Left lingering onto your every word,

The cute voice,

Sweet sound,

That warm presence you give,
The care I wish I could show,
The smile you have,
Transmitted through sound,

Warms my heart,
Warms my soul,
Like a warm blanket,
To lay next to you.
That smile,
Your face.

I linger on every word,
Every giggle,
Every chuckle,
Every feeling.

Even if I shouldn’t,
I linger on your every word, your every smile.

 


My following my blog post, my crush called me, made me feel a little better while talking to her, she sounded sleepy and cute, and I care. Told her to sleep longer before coming to meet me to do some work together, that she wanted to do. That’s the inspiration.

So many mixed feelings.

Trying to Forge Protections Among the Storm

Trying to forge protections among the storm.

My crush, the person I’ve loved since November 2015. Knew they liked someone else a while back, we stopped talking, we’ve talking recently since March. My feelings grew again, despite my trying to kill them, having tried to kill them before. Had a picnic with her and the guy.

They both are close, I am not against that. I just cannot go on like this. Even before we started talking I thought we needed to be separated further and I’ve seen her almost every day since March, even late night calls, many, if not all of my recent poems are about her, thinking of her, or about me thinking of her. The poems that started this blog were of her too.

I know we’ll need to drift apart, have been waiting, not wanting, but knowing it’ll be needed. It’s her birthday this Wednesday. Will wait till then and have to cut contact. I don’t want to hurt her on a day of celebrations.

Don’t want to, I have no bad feelings, it’ll end on better terms this time than before I think. I cannot continue. The pain, the mirage of feelings, the inspiration to my poem Mirage.

I talk about the hierarchy of lies, that you cannot tell, between real and truth, between one lie and another. Looking at all the details for hints she cares, looking for hints of anything going on, hints to see if it’s getting bad. Lies to say it’s amazing (I say ‘lies’, but I cannot tell them from truth anymore).

There is no truth, only a web of lies that I pull to convince myself I can make the next day, a day at a time. Not going to lie, it’s my state of mind now, I have been better recently, but better because of the ‘lie’ I probably am telling myself, but living like this, it’s like dragging yourself through a sea of razors, it all hurts and there is no point, but you do so as that’s what you know, that’s what others want to see (you being okay).

But. As always. I shall keep dragging myself through that sea until I can’t go no more.

 

This is what I got my crush for a present. Fox Necklace, the reasons behind the fox? We met and she was doing an animation about a fox, and I still remember the animations, what it looked like, the times chatting. I got her a fox present, some small notebooks and stuff that I saw over Christmas 2015 and reminded me of her, and been meaning to get her something like this since April 2016, but we had lost contact by then.

Mirage

The mirage,

Floating in front of your face

Blurring out reality

Being reality?

Leaving a bad taste in its wake.

Leaving destruction within the mind.

This mirage, the before or after?

A way to block or cope with the reality

The emptiness it leaves.

A layer of mirages, of lies.
To yourself to keep yourself living, happy,
The mirage to block out what hurts,
The mirage hiding reality, or is it portraying paranoia?
Left with a hierarchy of mirages.

Vying for attention,
Being
Keeping you going
Keeping you being
Not being you.

Swirling among your own lies,
Not knowing truth from fiction.

Light or dark.

All blurring into one
Is it anything but one?

Left with nothing.

Everything dropping out from under you.

This deadly mirage.

That swallows you up,
Without any trace.

Leaving in the lake,
A ripple of your pain, of your sorrows.


For anyone who’s interested, I am writing a blog to go with this post to explain. For my benefit, I don’t care if anyone reads it, likes it, or not. It’s my way of coping.

The blog post is called Trying to Forge Protections Among the Storm