Letter to my crush

I try to let you go, you drag me back.

You make me jealous with the guy you like, but drag me along whenever you two are together.

You use me to make him jealous when he’s not giving you attention.

You blame me for things, but use me to confide, to make you feel better.

It pains me knowing nothing I do can make you feel better, pains me that you like someone else. I am happy if you are, all the best, but please let me go so I may be happy.
You make me feel the best I’ve ever felt, but also the worst.

I’ve self harmed because of you, am depressed because, hurt because. But I always still care. Always am still there.

I give you the attention you want, but I’m not the person you want. I know that. I still hope. I still care. I still hurt. I would rather go on hurting rather than leave you hurting.
My friends warn me to leave, tell me to go, and have done since I met you, yet I haven’t. Those times I nearly get away you drag me back. And I willingly walk. Like a dead-man to a guillotine. At least the guillotine offers an end. Not like what I have.
This is all still worth it for you, to make you feel better, but I know you won’t. Hope you’ll care for me, but I know you won’t. Know you lie to me, but I ignore this.
It all hurts, yet I still stay. I do not know why. I don’t want to, but I also do. But I know I shouldn’t.
How can someone hold someone close to the flame and watch them writhe in agony, just for their own pleasure. Why? I don’t know. I would continue for you and I don’t even know why.
It pains me to see you hurt. I would happily end my life, to guarantee you a better one.

I hope you would find out how worth it you are. How I care. Always care. Always will be there. Unless I find my escape.

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