That Time

That time,

That time you called me,
I was busy, but made time.
Everyone else at the party, looking, wondering.
I made time,
You were alone,
You were stressed and hurting.
I made time, that time.

Many other times.

Now I am next to you and you leave me, ignore me.
Feel like an extra part.
I know I’ve been used. Know I’m the extra part.

But know that one time.
I felt something.
Maybe it was just me, and it wasn’t there.

You’ve left me.
When I was always there for you.

That other time,
You upset,
I on the phone,
Just walked home,
You called drunk,
Upset,
Alone.
Not wanting to drink alone.
I changed and walked back,
We laughed, we sang, we joked, and played around
I was there.
You weren’t.
Those messages, snapchats and statuses,
About me,
To make another jealous.

I pretended not to notice.
I pretended it was fine,
Still do
Not mentioned it.
Not to hurt you.
Not to be hurt by you.
I cared,
That other time.
You used me.

Bursting to tears now.
In public,
Next to you,
As you still continue to use me.
Still continue to have me as an extra part.

I cared.
I care.
I hurt.
That time.

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Poisoned Mind

The poisoned mind,

The sick feeling.

Unwell and uneasy.

Feeling on the edge,

Faint

Fading.

With my poisoned mind,

It clouds my vision,

Hurts me,

Leaves me a mere ghostly apparition of my former being.

… my former being…

This poisoned mind.

Pained Smile

That pained smile,

A mask from what’s beneath,

The pain, the tired, the sadness.

To keep you happy,

To give you bliss and see a happy lie.

My pained smile,

That hides the troubled waves,

The turbulent vortex beneath.

How long till the pained smile breaks?

How long till I break.

For now this pained smile continues.

Even as you make my day,

You also break my self.

Going to Sleep Crying

Going to sleep crying,

All alone,

None to talk to,

The spiral of thoughts,

A whirlwind of glass,

Shredding the inside of my mind.

I go to sleep crying,

The blood of my mind,

Coming bursting through the eyes.

Alone,

Don’t know what to do.

Always hurting others and hurting myself,

Or hurting myself.

Can I truly live this lie?

Pretend all is fine?

To keep another happy,
To keep another safe.

I shall go on.

Until I cannot any longer.