Standing Alone 

Standing alone,

As the door slams, shut.

The poison of mind, body and soul.

The blood runs cold,

Runs out.

The sting runs deep,

Rupturing my heart, head and mind.

The side never shown.

The wreckage as the mind falls,

The lonely darkness,

My only friend and hope.

The comfort to be left, my own.

The path all clear.

The cold shivers of night.

The rage screaming into the night.

All that is known flickering out of sight.

The emptiness is my only friend and solitude.

The comforting cold embrace.

The dark shroud to consume me wholly.

To rage and let out a scream for victory,

Victims of the mind,

Of the pain and ill-fate.

The way of life,

Ever running out.

Ever running cold under my skin.

Running deep and cold.

All erased cold at the slightest glance.

To be finished and free.
Written listening to Godsmack’s ‘I Stand Alone’

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Slipping Away

Slipping away into darkness,

Into oblivion,

Into the darkness of being,

Of keeping and laughing.

Wiping out the mind willingly.

Happy and content.

Being into the moment,

Ripping out the faulty pieces and parts of the mind.

To make anew what was wrong.

Wrecking apart.

That blast as you tear apart the mind from inside to out.

Feeling clean and free.

Fresh and at piece.

That clear moment.

When the diagnostic runs clear.

The peace,

The flatline.

All gone silent.

All clear.

The light goes out,

Blood runs cold.

The rage of the mind runs clear.

And all runs flatline.

Heartache

Heartache as my mind closes in,

The claustrophobia, and doubt.

The painful headache,

Throwing me off.

No idea where this is coming from.

Random thoughts and feelings,

From nowhere they come.

To bring me pain.

Without knowing why.

Head full of thoughts,

At that breaking point,

Thinking without knowing why,

Feeling without comprehension.

Hurting without wanting.

The spiral of thoughts,

Spinning ever faster and faster,

Out of control within my mind.

Spinning to the breaking point.

Breaking, broken. Unknown.

This uncertainty, this veil of shadow.

Obscures the sight of being.

Leaves me in a fog, without clearing.

Left without knowing, feeling, understanding of this heartache.

The Tragedy of Remembering

Remembering,

The looks faces and words.

You can forget yet wish to remember.

Nothing compared to the pain of remembering and always wishing to forget.

A mind like a sponge yet wanting to be empty.

Wanting to run dry and lose all that could be retained.

Forgetting is never the problem,

Remembering is always the problem,

In one way or another.

Never forget,

The one who remembers bears the pain,

The one who forgets is spared it,

Discomfort may be found through forgetting,

Yet only pain and torture awaits those who remember.

True friends turned enemy,

The kind words and being slowly soured before your eyes.

The hands at your neck, but never tight enough.

The light still there, wanting to slip into darkness.

The night sky exploding before your eyes.

The screams and scars of the mind.

Content and at home.

Anger giving control.

Who needs remembering when you have passing.

The silent end.

As everything started.

The shouts from within your mind.

My Mind An Instrument

My mind, an instrument of my making,

My corruption and editing.

My rendering immobile to fix,

Forget,

Wipe clear,

To wipe clear all that was once known,

To forget all that once held sway.

My building of walls,

Forgetting until forgotten,

Until the original appears to restructure a defence.

To cut a way through,

To erect the maze to get lost in.

To laugh in the face of the abyss.

I control the abyss and shape it to shape me.

To warp and reap,

To shape and deform,

All that was once known.

To something new and uncertain.

To change until what is there, bares no semblance to what came before.

To start anew.

A failed experiment.

A faulty copy.

A weak existence.

Time to go back,

Find what went wrong with life and start anew.

To play the mind,

Change the mind,

Hide and shape it.

End it and rebuild.

To empty it of all that came before.

To escape the pain of living it.

The Pained Mind

The pained mind,

Nothing can hurt the body,

The mind has felt it all,

Been ripped apart,

Several times over,

And in totality.

Nothing can hurt,

Where living is total pain.

A constant torture habituated,

Taken inside and lived,

Gotten used to.

Forgotten where it started,

All I remember is living it.

All is clear, empty and in solitude.

Clear nothingness,

Nothing but the pain.

Being left alive, yet feeling pained,

Being left alive yet burrowing deep into the depths of Hades.

TheTartarus of my mind, my life.

The reminder of life an ever growing pain.

A tumour to be ripped out from my spine and brain.

Ever deeper until it is fixed or nothing is left.

Letting It All Out 

Letting it all out,

Letting it all go,

Pretending the fake like never known.

The hurt, sick and tired.

Ended my mind many times to avoid seeing.

The lies told,

Spoken behind me,

Last to know,

Empty and writhing.

All finished.

All given up.

Left a wreck and in rage.

Done and dusted.

Nothing matters.

I bring what I want as my determination is limitless.

Sick and tired.

Finished and done.

The openness a false dichotomy,

A fake truth and a truth that shouldn’t be told.

Sick and ended.

Worth nothing but to finish.

The final stretch,

A long and lonely road,

Long and lonely life to make my own.

To shape as I want as nothing will stop me.

The pain comes to a head.

An ever-reminder of all gone before.

All done.

Sick and tired and ended.

All without close.

To fake and fake until all I know is forgotten.

To eradicate my mind until I forget that happened.

To wreck my mind so it is unrecoverable.

To succumb to my darkest side,

To let it dig into my mind and rip it out.

To close all down,

To rip it out.

Leave nothing left.

To end it all.

To live it done.

To wipe the mind clean, of all that came before this present instant.

To end,

Be free,

Get closure.

To be empty.

Let it all out, and forget all that came before.