That Worst Night

That worst night. My closest friend betrayed me, left me for dead. And I did. Am dead inside, empty.

She could laugh over my corpse for all I care. What’s worse is that I’m alive. Breathing but every breath is too much. I have no will, no willingness. I was betrayed.

I hurt others, they left me to die. I did. I am. I am now alone, with no direction. I thought I was making process then they pulled the knife on me. Plunged it into my heart and soul.

Left me alone, a single piece. Totally alone. When I need my closest friends and they do this? They killed me. I live alone, in emptiness. They racked and wrecked my body and soul. Ripped apart all that could be found.

Wrecked me apart. Threw me down. Left me with nothing, but a physical existence of pain and emptiness.

They left me.

Alone to walk in the dark.

Broken, alone and afraid. A time that cannot be fixed. Nothing to do.

I have repressed it and cannot get it back. My closest friend, why did you do this? Rip everything from me? Give me an existence I don’t want, an existence not worth living. A pain everlasting. A death not final. A prolonged pain, excruciating agony.

Where the knife and my blood is all I see, my only friend. The only one who can comfort me as the blood drips down my heart and it’s perfect red glow.

The one I long for.

The vibrant red.

Clouds my face and my eyes.

Left alone and in pain.

Seeing a death of a friend, while I still live. In agony. Missing what once was, the friendship once there. The friend who I thought there.

The one who killed and betrayed me.

The blood on my hands, red, running down and never enough.

Sadness eternal as all is lost before my eyes. I was left alone to the pain.

The pain of prometheus, to be in eternal pain. To have my guts pecked out every day in agony and screaming. Only to be healed in pain every night, for it to start once again in the morning. That was that night. My worst night.

Waking up in pain as before, what’s worse is that it carries on. The betrayal. I cannot trust, not anymore. Don’t know how to do anything when everything is too much effort. All my plans dashed before my eyes. All made meaningless. Wishing for a death I cannot bring. Looking for a way, any way out.

As I have been betrayed by those closest to me, with no one left. All the care dried up. They killed me. Left me empty. Thrown my corpse off of a cliff to an endless falling onto the jagged rocks below.

I can’t find a fix. What happened happened. What’s worse is that I survived it. But not really. I have survived none of it. I am existing an existence not worth living. In pain, alone. Killed by the very people who I thought cared.

Do you not know what you did? Have done?

Do you not see how you killed me?

Worse than death, is living, while dead.

Taken from me by those dearest, those whom I thought I could trust, those who I thought cared. And kind of still do, but then I need to remind myself of the scene. Of them plunging the knife into my neck. Opening me up. Leaving me there alone, empty, bleeding, wishing for the end. On that long lonely path.

I have lost those dear to me, but worse is that I found out they were not. They lied. They betrayed me. Plunged the knife into my skin. As I smiled and cried. Tried to ignore the happy looks of my killer. Unintentional, but still the actuality. As I was left to walk alone down the lonely road, limping my pain, alone, broken and alone, wrecked and alone. With no one to talk to, as my closest friends were the culprit, the cause. Even if they do not mean to be.

I’ve stopped living, am merely existing. After the worst night of my life.

All taken from me,

My closest friends,

Left alone,

Can’t be bothered for any future.

Only wishing for death.

I will plan, find the easiest solution I can. To fix what should have been before this happened, before this lowest of the lows. That has occurred. Made easier by having no one to talk to. Totally alone. How easier to find the end, when there is no one to talk to.

Just the rational planning, the calculating. My pledge.

I have lost all who I held so dearly. Before my very eyes.

There is nothing left.

Nothing left but the plan.

The end.

The thinking.

The solitude.

The eternal loneliness.

The realisation I am alone as my friends plunged the knife.

The realisation I have no escape from this promethean punishment.

This pain.

My end.
To everyone who reads this, please don’t comment. I need this post. Need space from it. Please don’t comment on this post. If anyone reads it.

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