Love

Love, a very hard thing to find, define, accept, think about.

I would definitely not say I’ve found it, but over the summer, I came close.

Love is, to see ‘imperfections’ as perfect- small quirks, personality, special traits.
Someone, even sitting in silence, feels right to be around.
Unexpected, and out of nowhere.
Someone different to you, yet also unbelievably similar
Someone who helps you, without even an intention or other motive.
Someone who, shows you the world from a different perspective.
Even through loss, you are forever changed.
A text, or their happiness even from afar, completely changes your day.
A person, it just feels right to be right next to.
Where their smile melts you.
Someone, where you’re determined to better yourself, to show them, and also prove to yourself.

Someone whose happiness is what matters most, and it makes you unbelievably happy also.

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Surprising Encounters

Surpassing encounters,
Out from nowhere,
Meeting those who would only have gone past.

Amazing- these surprising encounters,
How they happen, pass and remain.
They come from nothing,
Yet also everything.
An interconnected multitude,
Of memories,emotions and choices.
To make an unexpected encounter.

A sharing of feelings, thoughts and ideas.
A crazy happiness to follow,
Feeling known, understood and helped.

Hard to believe all of this,

To come from an unexpected encounter.

Looking Back Fondly

Looking back fondly,
The memories and moments once shared.
Time has passed.
Things have changed.
Looking back fondly.

Circumstances have changed,
Now is not the same,
Not alike.
I miss the past,
The time spent,
Our conversations,
What we shared.
Looking fondly back.

Maybe all an illusion.
The inevitable death that time brings.
I cannot tell.
Was it all a lie?
It all for nothing?
Was it something.
I cannot tell.
Looking fondly back.

Memories, photos and feelings,
All to remind me,
Of what I found.
What you showed me.
How I tried to help.
Looking fondly back.

Looking fondly back,
I look on through my mind’s eye,
A tear running down,
Remembering the time found and lost.
Missed, left and dying.
Like I am inside.
Making of life,
To have it ripped from my chest.
I look fondly back,
Always will,
Remembering and happy-sad.
Looking fondly back.

Killing Me Slowly

The emotions,

The pain,

The sadness,

Overwhelming yet also not.

Emptying even in my exhaustion.

Contemplating some foreign aspects.

Emptying myself like a cup.

Removing all that makes me- me,

All that makes me a being, a person.

Wondering,

As I sit here unfeeling,

Wondering.

Thinking.

Waiting hoping and losing.

Troubles pile on and I sit in astonishment.

Time moves on,

And emotions are killing me slowly.

Empty of Emotion

Empty of emotions,

Thrown out,

Killing all that feels inside.

Heart breaking,

But the only way to cope,

Broken in feeling and mind.

Thrown off from all that is known.

Thrown from a train.

Down to the pit.

I fall to be crushed.

I take this willingly.

To show the love I feel.

Trying to do my best.

Work my hardest,

To build the world around me with care..

To empty myself of emotion.

Break myself apart,

RIP the meaning away.

Leaving myself alone, hurt and afraid.

Stumbling for nothing, looking for anything !!

The Happy Tear

Happy tear rolling down my face,

A smile alongside the sadness.

My knowledge of the times.

The way it cannot be.

The estrangement,

Away and apart.

Gone and not around.

How I want to be with you.

The happy tear,

Running down my face,

Seeing you happy,

Seeing all those good moments you’re making.

Those times we shared.

Gone before I got to know you.

Ended and final.

Before I realised.

Before I realised.

It was gone.

It was gone before I knew. Before what was lost.

All the thoughts, hopes and ideas.

All turned to dust before my eyes.

The gravity hits me on high.

Rips me open and throws me aside.

The happy tears fall,

Breaking me apart from the inside,

As I smile happy,

Dying inside.

Broken and made at the same time.

Thrown from everything I have ever known.

Lost in the turmoil.

Thrown from comfort and care,

Ground to dust.

The last scene.

Your happiness,

As in my sadness a happy tear runs down my face.

The happy tear runs down.

Confused Mind

Confused mind ,

In a dichotomous state.

Happy, sad, excited and in pain.

Lost and unable to navigate the confusing confines of my mind.

Unable to translate feelings,

To thoughts I can understand.

Shifts in emotions happening at a flash,

Throwing myself into disarray and confusion.

Trying to understand my feelings,

Trying to find an answer,

In myself. My mind. My heart.

Stuck in amidst my confused mind.

Blind in life,

To my feelings and thoughts.

Unable to determine or see.

Pained by what is in my mind,

The confusion that greets me.

The hurt that remains.

Thinking and thinking.

Over-thinking.

Seeing reality for what it is,

But irrationality still affecting me.

My confused mind,

What happens now?

The broken times ahead.

My own.

Confused mind.

Kindness In A Vacuum

Kindness in a vacuum,

Even to those who hurt you.

A light in the dark,

To shake hurtfulness to the core,

To shine a light in the emptiness.

A happy recipient,

A welcome smile,

Disappearing frown,

Subsiding pain.

Helping another,

A kind hand,

Compassionate words,

Time to listen.

A good response to hurtful people,

Kind words and actions.

To help,

The greatest reward,

The greatest gift.

To make the whole world shine.

Someone else’s world shine.

Kindness within a vacuum,

A beacon of light.

To push away the darkness.

This is how I choose to live.

Trying to live right by me,

Through kindness in a vacuum.

Kindness to all I meet.

Should-be goodbyes

Should-be goodbyes,

Looking at the smile on a face,
Wondering, curious.
A should-be goodbye?
Should this be the way.

I do not know,
I want to help
I want to know.
Do not know if I can help,
If I can be one to help.

A trouble of caring,
Never being able to give it all,
Even giving my all.
An ever-question,
Ruminating in my mind.

A question,
Of me,
My ability.

Looking at the memories,
Reminiscing on those smallest of moments,
Sweetest of times,

I look on,
Through time,
Back into my memories.

All my troubles,
The issues I face.

Not wanting to bring another,
Into mine.
A should-be goodbye.

No matter the help,
You gave me.
How you said I helped you.

The feeling,
Wanting to give your all.
When your all cannot be enough.

A should-be goodbye?
An end of an era.
A sorely missed moment.
Gone.
Always remembered.

A sorely missed- should-be goodbye.