To turn the mind against itself,
To make constant pain for itself.
To break oneself again, and again.
Any feeling to be broken down and apart.
To story of breaking from.
To see them.
The mind fills with pain.
The hands shake uncontrollably,
With heart beating fast,
Almost bursting out your chest.
Having to turn away and run.
The mind plagued for a time after.
You apply the pain to yourself.
Until it’s what you’re used to.
Living in pain.
Until it’s all you know.
A daily torment of the mind.
Eventually, it becomes you.
Going through life like a ghost.
Wanting to move on.
All the pain.
From your own hand,
Your own making.
To break from.
Allow a movement away.
Turning a good memory, toxic,
A kindness, harsh,
The fun, a form of torment.
An architect of my mind,
Turning it all against me.
Left alone, a demon in the dark.
Until the feeling stops.
Not only one,
For my friend on Moodtrack. Who is looking for a way to get past, looking for a way to break from.
This is how I did.
It works, but it takes its toll.
It’s a method, I wouldn’t recommend to anyone, hence I haven’t mentioned it to you if you’re reading this.
Truthfully, it’s like death.
To escape death.
A death of the mind, but continuation of the body.
Feeling an empty vessel.
Devoid of all emotions.
Left a wasteland,
As I had torched my mind.
Of the memory,
Of it all.
It’s not all totally depressing. There’s a second part, first is the wrecking, tearing yourself apart from within the mind. Turning everything sour and dark. But after, in my experience, a rarity, but happens by chance. If you leave a path for someone else to walk. To take a peak, to reach in and, give you light. So you can climb out yourself.
Written 30/Oct/2017 1:30pm UTC – Unsure when I’ll publish this.