Always There

Always there,
Always kind.
To protect when I can,
To help always,
To console in the times of darkest need.

A care,
A motive I cannot explain.
A gut instinct,
A desire to help.
The enthusiasm your smile brings,
Enough to melt ice, or to end the night.

Just to offer my all,
A mere kindness, though small.
It’s what I have to offer, what I can.

Through thick and thin.
I’ll always be there to help.
A pact for myself,
Fulfilling kindness.

The care I cannot explain.

That care.
Always there.

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Saving Me

Saving me,
That morning,
As I was drying dishes,
You made an effort.
You made an attempt.

Time went on,
We drank,
Cooked meals,
Shared deep chats,
Time went on.
I grew fonder.
You tore me apart,
Getting to my feelings.

You saved me in my time of need,
Saved me in my depths.
Reached into the darkness,
Gave me a ladder to climb.
A time never to forget.
Always in my memory.

For what you did.
For what I wanted to offer,
To show my care.

Betrayal of a True Friend.

Betrayal of a true friend.
The pain of trust,
The pain being shown up.
Of all being said not trustworthy.

An aching heart,
Aching head,
Trying to continue on.

Cutting off,
The betrayal.
There comes a time,
To cut off what hurts.

When the infection spreads.
Remove the limb.
Even if the cost is great.

The cost is already too late.
For my mind,
Unable to trust,
When they lie,
Strategise and mislead,
In the guise of my best interests.

It’s in fact,
A mere betrayal of a true friend.

Looking Away

The times spent, looking away.
To save myself from trouble.
To keep on, believing the lie.

I look away to save face,
To save my heart.

Looking at the memories,
And turning my back.
Sad and reluctant.

Unable to think.

Knowing I have to look away.

Conflicted.
Having to look away.
To cut off and hate
To end my thoughts.

Looking away.

How To Break From – Part 2: The Return

A path left open,
Another shines the light.
To give you reason.
To climb out of the darkest depths there are.

Not to give you life,
To give you strength,
To go grab it for yourself.

Shining on high.

With their own demons.
But able to shed light.
To pull another,
From their darkest depths.
To make a return.

A return to life,
A return to existence.

In the mere little moments.
A world in my eyes.
For giving me the smallest moment,
Is a break from…
The world of darkness.

The Angel of my eyes.
For giving me a chance,
For giving me.
Strength to make my return.

 


A poem, I wrote thinking of you, of how you helped me, more than you know, more than you’ll ever know.

I found my strength,
As you opened a hand out for me.
With a mere smile, a ‘hello’.
A kindness, I remember with all my heart.

Written 30/Oct/2017 1:50pm UTC – Unsure when I’ll publish this.

How To Break From – Part 1: The Break

The break.
To turn the mind against itself,
To make constant pain for itself.
To break oneself again, and again.
Any feeling to be broken down and apart.

To story of breaking from.

To see them.
The mind fills with pain.
The hands shake uncontrollably,
With heart beating fast,
Almost bursting out your chest.
Having to turn away and run.
The mind plagued for a time after.
The memory,
You apply the pain to yourself.
Until it’s what you’re used to.

Living in pain.
Until it’s all you know.
A daily torment of the mind.
Eventually, it becomes you.
The ever-pain.
Going through life like a ghost.
Wanting to move on.

All the pain.
From your own hand,
Your own making.
To break from.
Allow a movement away.

Turning a good memory, toxic,
A kindness, harsh,
The fun, a form of torment.
An architect of my mind,
Turning it all against me.
Left alone, a demon in the dark.
Clawing out,
Clawing in.

Until the feeling stops.
Not only one,
All.

 


For my friend on Moodtrack. Who is looking for a way to get past, looking for a way to break from.

This is how I did.

It works, but it takes its toll.

It’s a method, I wouldn’t recommend to anyone, hence I haven’t mentioned it to you if you’re reading this.

Truthfully, it’s like death.
To escape death.
A death of the mind, but continuation of the body.
Feeling an empty vessel.
Devoid of all emotions.
Left a wasteland,
As I had torched my mind.
Of the memory,
Of it all.

It’s not all totally depressing. There’s a second part, first is the wrecking, tearing yourself apart from within the mind. Turning everything sour and dark. But after, in my experience, a rarity, but happens by chance. If you leave a path for someone else to walk. To take a peak, to reach in and, give you light. So you can climb out yourself.

Written 30/Oct/2017 1:30pm UTC – Unsure when I’ll publish this.

Beyond Heart’s Mention

The good times,
The fun ones.
Beyond heart’s mention.
Of the heart and of mind.
Hoping you never read this.

I try to go back.
Always hurts the same.

You,
One who helps,
One who listens,
Always kind.
Even if kept from my mind.

Always there,
If ever you need.

Never to be your burden.
For my mere problem.

I would love,
To back to where we were.

I’m there.
Always to call,
Always to listen.
Though I may have to keep my distance.

Know yourself,
Your strength.
The path you will forge.

The times once past.
Lost into time.
Remembered always.
Through the end.

Always, in memory.
In the depth of goodbye.

Just you escape.
Go on,
As you will.

I believe and hope.
Better without me there.

Just you, who needs to believe.
Forge your path,
Tearing apart the rough.
To forge it through.
Till your will.

To forge our paths,
Without question.

Beyond my mention.
My say.
With great reluctance.

Words from the soul.
Disappear with the awakening of the mind.
To make it easier.

In the end.

It’s beyond heart’s mention.


My drunkest poem recently, my most heartfelt,

Hoping for the best, even if I’m not there.

Drunkest but heartfelt and sincere.

Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt”, my inspiration.

The Warm Glow

A warm glow beneath,
The love, the care,
Against the adversity,
The doubt.
I remain,
To bask in the warm glow,
In the face of the realisation,
The hallucination.

Basking in this warm glow,
My feelings underneath,
Warm and glowing as the embers drift off,
Drift away into the cold dark.

I still remain,
Sit here clinging onto the last remains of a fire fading into the dark.
Through realisation,
Through revelation,
Being left to oblivion.

I cling on to the last bits of this flame.
Gaining strength from the warmth,
Empowered by the light.
Trying to keep it lit.

The memory to keep it going.
The lie as a necessary key.
To myself,
To keep.
The fire burning.
To keep hold of the warm glow.

Hoping to reignite the flame🐇,
The bonfire to-be.
The future lit by the bright flame,
Enough to put the Sun to shame.

Until the light returns,
I keep,
I shelter it,
Keep hold of if.
To keep it lit.
To keep it from the cold dark.
To make it through.

To give it new light.

I am here,
Remaining,
In warmth,

Holding onto the flickering light.
Protecting her,
This flame.
Against the oncoming cold depths of darkness.
Holding her, away from the cold.

Until it passed,
She reignites,
The flame turns into a bonfire,
To light the darkness,
Turn the cold, hot.

Until this time,
I remain,
Sheltering this warm glow.
Protecting with all I have,
All I can.

Sheltering this warm glow.