Blog of an Overthinker

A blog, about my overthinking.

The poems written today, all to do with my overthinking. They seem negative, even if they are, I am okay and do not mean them as such. I use poetry to get overthinking out and off my chest.

A really close friend of I, bumped into me today, they brightened up my day, and saved me from overthinking and put me in a good mood for the rest of my shift at work. For the rest of the day.

Overthinking is a battle, for your own mind, yourself.

It’s caused me heartache and depression for, multiple times and such lowest depths.

But honestly I am okay, overall greater than I have been for such a long time, feeling much better. I have gotten stronger. I will overcome all my struggles.

But one thing I haven’t lied about. The love and care, I hold for this person, but also that I do not want this care to hurt them. But I care about them and will do what I can to help.

Poems today, a product of overthinking:

Memory of a Time
Reluctant Tear
Hate that I Love You, But I do.
To Bear the Rough

To Bear the Rough

To bear the rough,
To save you from my pain.
To bear the rough.
To form my path and make my way through.

Nothing to stop me,
To bear the rough, to help you.
Thinking, making, helping.
To bear the rough,
To make my way,
For all my friends,
To help,
To make,
To bear the rough,
To make my way.

A place to come from,
A path to take.
My time to bear the rough,

For those I truly care for,
To bear the rough.


Poem I’m writing, after the time I came up with the title, (10.30pm 28/11/17 – when I came up with the title and ‘felt’ the poem). I date it to when it was written completely. While writing later is for convenience as I may not have time in a busy day of work.

Wrote, I’m again feeling better than when I came up with the poem, just was thinking, thinking happily, what care truly means, what love does. To care for yourself, to also care for another. To help another, to carry a burden while they weather the storm, and to hide under their cover, while you weather your storms out. Thinking of someone I care about.

Idea 10.30pm, 28/11/17

Note to self: Most poems are published when written (and title made up). The few tonight are an exception I had made the names of the poems, while feeling them. Now I only need to write the rest and publish:

Memory of a Time
Reluctant Tear
Hate that I Love You, But I do.
To Bear the Rough

Hate that I Love You, But I Do.

The dichotomous feelings,
I hate that I love you,
Always caring about you,
Always thinking,
Wanting to help,
Be kind, be nice.
To show you how beautiful you are.
But I do. I care.

Why do I hate this so?
The pain of seeing you hurt,
The pain of slipping away.
The pain of the slight word,
Or the hurtful comment.
Enough to crush me,
Yet I continue on.

I cannot explain,
I care, but I hate it, but love it too.
I would do anything I can.
Knowing I may learn to regret this.
But hoping I won’t.

I care,
And hope to help.


Poem I’m writing, after the time I came up with the title, (9.30pm 28/11/17 – when I came up with the title and ‘felt’ the poem). I date it to when it was written completely. While writing later is for convenience as I may not have time in a busy day of work.

Wrote, thinking of someone I truly care about, where I cannot explain. But I hate that I do because it hurts, it may hurt them. But don’t, because of the feeling, the care the warmth. My only answer? Not to think about it, to push away the pain, for another time.

I again, I am okay now, feeling better than when I came up with the title. I really am in a great mood, but just overthink far too much unfortunately. It’s okay and I am really good! I wrote the title, and didn’t want to leave it unfinished.

Idea 9.30pm, 28/11/17

Note to self: Most poems are published when written (and title made up). The few tonight are an exception I had made the names of the poems, while feeling them. Now I only need to write the rest and publish:

Memory of a Time
Reluctant Tear
Hate that I Love You, But I do.
To Bear the Rough

Reluctant Tear

A reluctant tear,
Thinking of my leaving.
Could I hurt you?
Like that, again?

A reluctant tear runs down my face,
Fearing to lose you,
Knowing I have to.

The tear in my conscious,
Should I leave?
May it hurt you?
I fear losing,

But know, somehow I must.
In the end it may be better.
It may save you,
From me,
My confusion,
My endless care.

I fear it may end up hurting you.

This reluctant tear,
Running down my face,
Thinking,
Feeling.
Always, you,
My focus, consideration,
To do what’s best for you,
Even if you don’t know it.
Even if I’m reluctant to let go.
All in care.

All in care.
This reluctant tear,
Runs down my face.
As I stand thinking.
Of you,
Of why I must leave.
Wrestling with myself over the idea.

Off I walk, after turning my back.
A reluctant tear, for a reluctant walk.
Your photo in hand,
Your memory in mind,
My care for you, in my heart.
So much so say,
That I must not.
To make it easier for you to forget.
In a reluctant tear.


Poem I’m writing, after the time I came up with the title, (9pm 28/11/17 – when I came up with the title and ‘felt’ the poem). I date it to when it was written completely. While writing later is for convenience as I may not have time in a busy day of work.

Wrote, thinking of a friend, one I care about the most, would always help. One I love. But, I have a decision, one I’ve made and not kept. Over if I should leave, when, how. May seem bad. But the only thing on the top of my mind is them, my feelings wont go away, never have. I care about them, more than I can explain or know. Know this won’t change. I don’t want to hurt them, as I have many times in the past.

I know I may have to leave them, maybe without a trace would be better, or to hurt them (clearly with me being in the wrong) so they can hate me, and get rid of me. It’ll hurt, more than I can imagine to do this, the very thing I don’t want to. But. Maybe hurting someone spares them more pain than leaving them without giving them a reason to hate me.

I honestly right now, am okay as publishing this, these are the thoughts I had before, but am still thinking of now, still potentially relevant now, but feeling better than when I made the title.

Idea 9pm, 28/11/17

Note to self: Most poems are published when written (and title made up). The few tonight are an exception I had made the names of the poems, while feeling them. Now I only need to write the rest and publish:

Memory of a Time
Reluctant Tear
Hate that I Love You, But I do.
To Bear the Rough

Memory of a Time

Memory of a time,
A hazy, warm memory.
Filtered down into its essence.
This memory of a time.

A good feeling,
Gone,
But remembered through feeling.

A memory warm, as it appears before my mind.
As it sinks into my feeling,
I think back,
Wonder.
I look on,
And feel.

The times,
The fond time,
Thinking,
Being in the moment.

Wanting it to last,
But a little bit longer.

But maybe this is me.
It’s already over,
The time.
But, the memory of a time.
And more to come.


Poem I’m writing, after the time I came up with the title, (1pm 28/11/17 – when I came up with the title and ‘felt’ the poem). I date it to when it was written completely. While writing later is for convenience as I may not have time in a busy day of work.

Wrote, thinking of a friend, a friend who saved me, in more ways than they’ll ever know. Lost. Looking at the picture, the wallpaper on my phone. Thinking of them. How I’ve lost them. But the memory is gold. I’ll upload the picture to my featured image.

Also thinking of another time, a time of change a friend I care about so much, I care for, but I’m left, without them knowing, maybe without them caring.

Idea 1pm, 28/11/17

Note to self: Most poems are published when written (and title made up). The few tonight are an exception I had made the names of the poems, while feeling them. Now I only need to write the rest and publish:

Memory of a Time
Reluctant Tear
Hate that I Love You, But I do.
To Bear the Rough

For You I Say

For you I say,

I care,
More than you can know.
So much that it hurts,
But it’s worth that.
Would do anything I can for you.

For you I say,
Your beauty, uncompared,
Kindness true,
Compassion you showed,
Trying, once before, to help me.

For you I say,
Know your worth.
Know yourself and prosper.

For you, I say,
I will never try to hurt you,
But what if I have to go?
To hurt you less.

For you I say,
You are not my day,
But you never fail to make it brighter.

For you I say,
When I hear that favourite song,
Only you I see.
Remembering the memories.

For you, I apologise.
That I cannot explain.
My thoughts and feelings.
I only feel them.
I cannot help them.

For you, I remember,
The first time we met,
And every time since.
No matter what’s happened,
There are no regrets.

I am flawed,
But I am me.
Trying to be ever-better.
Unapologetically. Me.

For you I say,
No matter how you compare yourself,
Unfavourably attractive than others,
I do not see.
All I think of is you.

For you I say,
You never have to be alone,
I’ll help with all I can.
Do all I can.
No matter how much it hurts.
Because I care.
For you I say I care.

For you I end,
Saying…
Maybe it’s the ramblings of a madman,
A lovestruck madman.
But this is me.
For you I say,
This is me.
All I can offer.

Trust the Feeling

Sitting,
In peace,
Waiting, thinking.
My mind spinning with glee.
Thinking of you.

Trust the feeling.
The feeling that grabs me,
Away from my once-clouded thoughts.
A feeling that compliments me. Before. Us.
Not tearing it away.

I wish to tell you,
How I feel,
To trust the feeling.
I’m afraid to hurt you,
To push you.
I only wish to help
To be there for you.

How I wish,
To be there for you,
To have you there, for me.

Trust the feeling,
I have to.
To try.
To do what I can,
To help her,
I would really do anything for her.
To see her smile,
To see her face,
Brightens my day.

Oh how I’m unsure,
If I should trust my feelings.
Though I want to.
I want to.
Trust my feelings.

Sincere Embrace

Sincere embrace,
True moment.
Just resting,
In your embrace,
Comfort, care.

The way I rest in your arms,
You in mine.

A moment,
Detached from reality,
Falling out of time.

A simple, true, perfect moment.
The world gone simple,
But for a moment.

A moment to prove.
My feelings,
Emotions,
Care.

To be by your side,
And you by mine.
Content, simple and kind.

Just being there.

Lost in our moment.

All.

From a sincere embrace.


Writing this watching Stranger Things, thinking of things, thinking of feelings, moments, emotions, and the many heartfelt embraces in the final episode of season 2.