With Me

The feeling,
Friends all around.
My family through it all.
My friends to go to it all.
The people I stand by.
You with me.
I always with you.

No matter where we end up.
You with me,
We can conquer the world.
Forge out a path.
Living a life worth living.

Friends for life,
People in mine,
Golden times,
Precious memories,
To hold and to share.

Life,
The bright light overhead.
The feelings of bliss,
With being.
Making my life.
Sharing those times.

Those few moments with me.
Worth the world,
Kindness and care.
With me, the blissful feeling.

Knowing someone and them knowing me.
Being always there to be there for you.
Kindest people, closest friends.
With you.
With you.
At peace,
Just me,
Better than ever.
Spending those times with you.

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Past Recompense

The past,
Replayed anew,
Yet also different.

A familiar sight,
Different,
Heartfelt.
A moment for recompense.
The only regret of my past.
A hurt caused by feeling.
A time out of mind,
Not thinking.

A trial of my past coping.

Seeing through it,
Bright as day.

To feel lifted,
Forgiven,
All made clear.

Righting my past wrongs,
Saying sorry, to those once hurt.
When… explaining.
Difficulties.
Trials of my past.
Long in the past and dead.
A final task,
An apology,
To make clear.
To make amends.

My past recompense.

Those Winter Drives

Those winter drives,
Singing along to those tunes.
Worries fading away,
A time away from time.

Winter outside,
Friendship and wamrth abundant.
Those drives into the dark,
Yet also known.
A place to hold,
A time to keep in memory.

Stops and starts.
Chatting along with laughs.
All a part of one.
A winter drive with friends,
The wind calling,
World open,
Times abundant.
Hope everpresent.

These.
Times rushing,
Flashing in my mind,
Feelings flashing past.

Nothing but a smile,
For those winter drives.

Looking Up

Looking up,
A world of possibility,
A tree of many branches.
Good deeds, nice people, fulfillment at every turn.

A good moment,
A precious one,
Found within the dark,
Waiting for the ignition.

The world gone light,
Like a summer’s morning after the cold night.

All looking up.
All looking bright.

Everything fitting into place,
My mind,
Knowing the place,
Seeing a path,
Feeling the determination.
Content. Living in reality.

It’s all looking up,
Like the joy seeing the northern lights looking up,
Into the sky.
Or seeing a baby’s smile of recognition.
A dog’s welcoming excitement at an arrival.

The world looking up,
World gone brighter.
A world of possibility,
If only I take look.
If only I look up and smile.

Content. Grateful. Kindness. Caring.

All of this is…
Looking up.


Written feeling great, grateful. Coming home has been good, better than usual, it was much needed. It’s been good, great, phenomenally amazing to see/chat to new friends, yet-to-be friends and old friends from long ago. But overall, all good friends, kind and always there to have a laugh, but also a feeling of knowing, kindness without any prerequisite.

Especially, well, this is for you K. An old friend, known you for 7 years, total trust we’ve shared. A person who can always message, I always have time for you, if not, I will make it. Always. Thanks for your help, kindness and… dunno how to say it but. A mere kind caring nature that doesn’t expect and that is exactly why I am and will always be there for you! ❤️

Light of Longing

A time to come,
The world,
An open path made,
To be made.

Along my footsteps,
I shall form my own path along this line.

A time to heal,
To anticipate,
Grow and look up.
Friends by my side,
The caring souls,
A bond I cherish.

The light to come.
Times and moments,
Mistakes made, relegated to the past.
Moving past, moving on.
To find.
The light of life.
To make, my own path.

To learn.
Living life in a shadow of happiness,
A life without pain,
For pain, to be managed, held, set aside.

In this, I have found.
The light of longing.

My little break… To recover.

Hi everyone,

Took a break from publishing poetry, and promised myself I wouldn’t, until I managed to recover, get better, happier, look forward and erase the pain from my mind and my life.

I’m writing this at the time this is being published, but have written poems between The Little Bird I tried and Witness To The Pain and am publishing retrospectively.

The latter, writing, the feelings. I have gotten better, seeing such pain, helping, even dealing with my own as it tries to crush me. Looking on and responding. To not let it take me. Helping others with even my own looming. It gave me the realisation. I have realised my mistake. My fault.

To pushing the darkness away. Letting it die in my past, along with my mistakes.

Thanks to all of my friends and all those poets on WordPress for help and care, none more than you Nyx. Your strength against adversity, kindness and support and amazing poetry and kind words since I started writing my blog. Thanks to you all.

I’m always a message away, the darkness, is only ever temporary, if you try to hold on to the light.

One person, L, I will ever be grateful to, and have written many poems of thanks, they showed me the light, when I had given up looking.

A lesson I am taking with me into the future. And passing on to anyone I can.

For you, R, I would do anything, for all the help, kindness and being amazing and always there, I am forever grateful and indebted.

I am publishing the writings I have done on my break to recover. I will not halt my publishing for any reason, I will not be hurt, I will not be shamed away from my work or being me. If people don’t like who I am then that is their fault. They can always leave me be. I only want my energy used on people who care, people who are worth a damn. Of whom I have many, and am wholly grateful for. I expected to publish after the holidays were over, but the last poem; Witness to the Pain, showed me how far I’ve come, helping many others, and somehow having subsided my own pain, gotten over it, put my past mistakes behind me. Had a realisation, become at peace and realised my mistake.

Witness to the Pain

A witness,
To the pain of others,
Many, suffering and sorry.
I stand there, consoling.

Seemingly oblivious but knowing,
Of true pain,
My pain.

Witnessing others’,
My own, boiling from beneath.
Others,
All seeking help, kindness and consoling.
I stand here.
All unaware, of the pain I’ve felt.
Pretending, ‘what pain?’.

Knowing full well,
A demon’s grimace of pain,
A well-known sight.
A person’s face, showing such pain,
Another sight,
Of my well-familiarity.

Strength to put aside the pain.
To part the demons,
Move from my path all obstacles.
Move from my path all plight.
To shape what I want.
To brighten whereever I can.

Being…
A witness to the pain.
Pain so real.
Real to feel.

A depth, to rip open from the inside.
A cure, keeping hold.
Keeping hold of the light.
Light to shine my path.
Determination to brighten the life I lead.

To move along my path,
Determination, resolve and kindness to be my guide.

Only found.
This.
Through being.
Witness to the pain.


Had a good Christmas, a really good one. Realised after it, all the celebrations, so many people shared their pain, hardships, all in the family and friends, something that I’ve seen a lot (more from friends than family). And no matter if some may ridicule and insult me I have gone through great pain too, stronger and level-headed from it. But pain nevertheless, so much so the language, feeling, sight and understanding of pain, easier to understand than life, easier to contend with than breathing.

Sad to witness such pain, I can relate to, understand and also feel just to hearing it. But I guess I help?

Still…

The pain, hurts, helps, goes away and lingers all at the same time.

 

When writing this I haven’t published works in a while and wasn’t planning until I get better, expected it to be later but this poem spoke to me.

How far I’ve come,
How far I can go.

This, as many of my best poems, is dedicated to you who have helped me so much that you don’t know and I don’t understand, L.

Feelings Out of the Blue

Feelings,
The calm blue wave.
The sea, in peace,
With the open sea breeze.

Washing in,
Renewed.
A world made fresh.
The horizon ahead clear,
A pure beauty,
Simple happiness,
A gift of being.

Feelings out of the blue,
Like the golden memories,
Meeting you, all.
Out of nowhere.
A night, amazing.
Feeling, living.
A feeling without just that,
In the moment, being,
Without the feeling, until the moment passed.


Writing this just really happy, content, stronger and grateful for so many great friends. I’m totally grateful for. They make my life, perfect, to me (an idea for a poem).

Glad for my recovery, everything looking up. The main realisation, that it hasn’t been my fault. I’m not perfect but that’s me, I won’t apologise for that any more and no one will cause me to doubt that.

I will choose, to spend my time with those who care, who I care about and who see me for being me. Sometimes crazy, happy, annoying and funny, and just being me. Like so many of my friends, no, almost all of them, if not all of them. Do.

Turning a new leaf, a realisation and promise behind me.

Leaving mistakes in the past, but learning from them.

Strength Through The Pain

Strength through pain,
Stronger now,
But hurt inside.
Not hurt now…
But was…

A reminder of the past.
Now long dead to me.
A dark past put behind me.
A realisation of the darkness need to leave to the past.

The strength and good I have found,
I will find,
If only to leave the darkness,
Rest in its grave.

I am happy,
Happier,
To leave the darkness rest,
Looking back,
How far come,
Where I’ve been.

Darkness, trying to follow me out,
And left behind.
Through my found strength.
Now to let the demons take hold.
And to claim a life for my own.

Strength, found through the depths of pain.
Strength,
Through adversity and pain.


Writing this, may sound sad, but it really isn’t, better, happier, but even better, with a realisation not to make the same mistakes of the past. To let the past die when it is hurtful, harmful and dark. Especially if it continues that way, corrupting the light.

Feeling content, feeling recovered, being home and seeing old friends has helped.

Thanks to, R, L, H, A, and K all for the help, from an unrelated chat to giving advice and support despite my reluctance and stubbornness to listen 😝 it is soon Christmas and I’m wishing you all the best!

Memory, Back in that Dark Place

Back to that dark place,
The unfeeling,
The empty times.

Long behind me,
But never too far from a mere slip.

Never forget,
The help given by kind friends,
Those few golden souls.
Never forget the troubles passed.
The parts inside,
That died, to keep the whole alive.

A painful feeling,
Worse than pure pain,
One where all is nothing,
No good, no bad ugly or glad.
Everything. The same. As nothing.

The purest darkness,
Not dark, but blank,
The most hurtful feeling,
Total lack thereof.

Memory of that dark place.
No idea of how I escaped,
Except a name.

A miraculous feat,
One to remember,
To keep and hold dear.

To fight the darkness calling.
To make everything bright.
Throwing out the poisons of my mind and heart.

Growing stronger through hurt,
Growing impatient with the worst there is.

A memory of that dark place,
A horrible dark place,
Light but for one reason.
It acts,
As a warning of what can come again.
If it is allowed to enter my life,
Once again.

A warning for the future.


Thinking of the dark place I was before summer, the place horrid people tried to put me back into, forced me back into. But I won’t go easily. I will rage, rage against the dying of the light.