Moment of panic

A moment of panic,
The realisation.
Vision, gone to a tunnel.
Down a spiral, a moment of fright.
From the realisation that I hoped would not come.

Memory gone to blank.
A moment of panic.
Breathing hard.
Moment blank.
Heart falling heavy.

And on the fall.
On the drop.
Falling for a moment.

Lost and falling.
The moment all-consuming.

Only for but a moment.
A moment. Of panic.

Writing this after a brief but intense moment of panic. My breathing raced, heart beat out of my chest, my vision constricted to a tunnel.

Like opening Pandora’s box and finding unexpected shock. Something to destabilise me.

I have had an amazing day and this one thing threatens to bring be down to a lowest, but I’m fighting back, at least for the day to be over, ended on a happy note.

This thing’s just broken me, but I don’t know if it’s irrational, or not. Enough of this though, only one way to find out where this goes.

So glad this realisation happened on a good day. An absolutely fucking brilliant day. I’m determined to see past it and go on happy. Don’t know about tomorrow.

Once Lost

Once lost,
In a pit of darkness,
Depths of despair,
A dark place,
Lost, luckily, into the memories of my past.

A place of darkness,
Moving but not wanting.
Being but not living.
Thinking but not seeing.
My friends behind me,
But it didn’t fix me,
I didn’t see.

Oh how I was once lost,
Once hurt,
Lost in a world, not my own.
Living without any satisfaction.

A time,
Now still painful,
But relegated to a past memory.

A time that is now a blur,
When I had been,
Once lost.

A poem of my past, a storyesque, when I was lost in more ways than one. But now I’m better.

Summer Times

A summer time,
Always calling chatting as you call me.
Everyday working,
But my day was made,
By your call.

Casual chats,
Brightening my day,
As you finished work,
Went to the gym,
Making tea and more.

These calls made my summer.
A summer of boring work,
General reading, keeping busy,
To make time to speak to you.
A moment which defined my day.

Made my summer, one of the best,
Despite all my past summer holidays,
Hearing your sweet, kind, voice topped them all.

Poem of my past, describing a great summer I had, a storyesque, was an amazing summer even to this day. One of the best, only rivalled by the summer just gone past. But blissful.

Little Call

A little call,
Out of place,
Out of time.

To ask if you’re okay.
A weekend wondering.
Playing the moment in my mind,
Over and over in my mind.
Seeing you from afar,
Unable to help,
To see,
To call out.

And again to forgetting.
A single message.
I hide the reply.
You call.
I, wanting but not.
Relieves me to hear you’re well.

The little call,
A new start.
A little call.

Another storyesque poem, reminder of a text and a call I made, a start, a good return. But at the time was full of reluctance and worry. But most of all care, care for someone I lost. But no matter how much I hated them. I loved them. Only hating was the way to try to forget.

Shimmering Nights

Shimmering nights like this.
Making my day, my week.
Thinking of you,
With a great smile on my face.
A warmth in my heart,
Cosy to my core.

The feeling came,
So long ago,
It has stayed ever since.

Your beautiful face,
Your shining personality,
Never has left my mind,
Even as I tried.

Your return,
So sweet,
So nice.

Always brighten my day.
Has brightened my life.
No matter what has happened.
I know I can’t forget you.
Those shimmering nights,
And that’s just you,
What you do.
Just by being you.

Just by being you.
That is so true.

My favourite song I play,
Even though I’m alone.
You come through.
A beautiful melody of you.

A shimmer of light,
That brightens up any night.

Hoping I brighten your day,
In any way,
Like you do for me.

Your power,
Your truth,
Your simple beauty,
Inside and out.
A shimmering star,
A light in the dark.
A warmth at night.
Just by you,
Just by you, being you.

In those shimmering nights.

Thinking of those best nights, those beautiful nights. Beautiful ones.

Always good, always bright. Amazing people who are amazing for being them, beautiful beyond compare, just as they are.