Sad Contentment

Sad contentment,
The realisation.
A sad goodbye.

Realising the pain,
The total bliss.
The amazing times and the rough ones.
Are not worth the pain,
The pain of a turned back,
An enjoyed pain,
Waiting and hurting.

A sad contentment,
From the realisation.
Of what is worth, and what isn’t.
What I saw as worth,
What I always believed,
With others telling me to go.
I always stayed.
To make sure the okay.

A sad contentment,
The realisation I was wrong.
That it’s not worth it.
Even as I still think it might be.
It isn’t.

Back to the hatred to pull myself from it,
Underpinned by a sad contentment.
Realising.
Reluctantly.

The saddest goodbye I’ve never wanted to say.
But I have to,
With sad contentment.
Wishing to stay,
But knowing I cannot,
I’ve known for a while.

But convinced myself otherwise,
To get at that high,
Those smallest of moments,
Smallest of times, making the whole world bright.
Making everything better.

Knowing I have to go, but wanting to stay,
Linger a little longer,
To get to know.

But I have to go.
Off into the wild brush.
With a sad contentment,
I tried,
What I could.
Tried to be the best I could be.

A sad contentment,
Being better, stronger.
The goodbye, a show of strength against all I wanted.
The need of a goodbye.

A sad contentment, getting by.
A sad contentment.
A sad goodbye,
One I do not want to say.

Off I go.
In sad contentment,
Times and feelings that I’ll miss.
Knowing I tried.

Off I go,
In sad contentment,


Writing, I’m okay, in realisation. I care, I don’t want anyone thinking I don’t. I care, I don’t hate, could never hate (at least not truly to my heart). But. Sometimes you need to get out, even though their are good times, even if they all outweigh any bad, and even make the bad very temporary. I’m tired living a lie. A lie I’ve told myself for so long. I always value truth, especially to myself, the only thing I’d ever consider lying to myself. But I cannot anymore.

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