Forgetting

Forgetting.
A moment once there,
Then forgotten.
Empty erasure left in its wake.

The feeling of a time ended.
Like the saying of words,
That cannot be taken back.

Forgetting,
An erasure of memory,
Of feelings.

Only left a blank space.
Looking to the next page to fill.

The funny feeling of forgetting.
The forgotten left to the unknown.
The past gone. As soon as it passed.

The next step,
A new blank page to be filled.

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A Goodbye Never to be Said

A goodbye, meant true.
Truly sad that this is the way it must be.
I truly am.

Only caring.
Wanting to go.
So you can be free,
I know that I cannot be.
Just friends.
Even as I do wish I can be.

I hope, this you never read.
That you find success happiness and love.
All you will find and deserve.

Even if we’re apart and I block you out.
It’s never because I hate you.
Even if it seems it is.
Deep down, even past my facade.

It’s about care,
Pure and simple.

Wanting you to go on.
Enough is enough.
You need this for you.
And I’m happy to give.

Because I care.
Caring too much,
Is my biggest fault.

But is who I am.

You’ll go far,
That I do not doubt.

For us both,
I cannot be there.

Of all you’ve shared and told me.
I’m sorry it had to come to this.

Always have been.
Always knew this was the way it would go.
I don’t regret meeting you.
Even if I may say,
Or show otherwise.

I always care.
Hoping for your best,
A truly kind friend.

A truly kind person.
Who deserves so much.
And that is why.
I wouldn’t want to stay.

And this.
Is a goodbye I could never say.
A goodbye I would never want to hurt you.

My goodbye.
A goodbye, never to be said.

Tired of the Pain

Tired of the pain,
What is brought back and brought back again.
Harmful demons,
Trying to put me back.

I’m determined,
To move forward,
Defiant,
Unrelenting for my strength and growth.
To grow stronger out of the pain.

Sick of being in pain.
Sick of the hurtful feeling.

I will not let my demons,
Drag me down.
I will move on,
I will move past.

I’m tired of the pain.

And on I will move past.

The Little Bird I tried.

The bird I rescued. Tried to help to get better. The person from the RSPCA came. It. It’s aparently busted its skull. No helping it. I knew this might happen. Not naieve that I didn’t expect this potentiality.

Much like the rest of this day is going. It wasn’t enough. But at least, I sheltered it, tried to warm it and care for it. But. It wasn’t enough.

There are some things that just never heal.

Sometimes, giving your all is never enough.

R.I.P Birdy.

I tried to help. I hope I made some of your last moments, at least somewhat better than being outside in the cold.

I know I said I wouldn’t post. But exceptional circumstances.

Sorry to everyone on my blog.

I’m sorry, won’t be on this for a while, or so I’ll try.
I’m sorry, it’s hard to say. I need to think things over.

Need to try and think.

Focus on my studies, work, plans.

Being hurt, so many times, hurting others, unintentionally. Never wanting to.

But ultimately doing so.

I’m sorry.

But I cannot be for how I feel, how I think, for me just being me.

I need to exit. And leave the past, under the carpet once I have gotten rid of it, the pain, past.

I never intended for anything, and tried to escape, but it’s found me again. As I knew it would when I moved back along this path.

Helping hand

Helping hand,
Helping friend.
Who lightens my day,
Brings a smile to my face.

Help from an old friend.

An old friend,
Always there.
Genuine.
Heartfelt.

Who has always known me,
Even when not knowing myself.

Always helping,
When I am truly lost.

Oh my friend,
I am sorry,
But am never sorry, to have met you.

I’m okay,
I shall be okay,
You help me constantly,
Even through those most casual moments.

Thank you,
For everything.


A poem wrote, for my closest friend Ruby. Who has always helped me, always knows the right thing to say, do, and has always tried to help me.

Just as I would always help her.

I’ve been a bit rough today, but it’ll pass.
It’ll get better, with time.

It will, I just need to believe that.
Hope for it.
And then make it.

I have written a few poems and backdated to when they were written. I’m doing a bit better seeing my friend.

I will get better, stronger.

This will pass.

As everything usually does. In time.

Used

Used, as always, used.
My care, my mind, my heart to help.
Brought back,
When some care shown.
Thrown out when spent.

As before,
As always,
Should have seen,
Should have known.

The signs being there,
But I willfully ignored.

I pretended not to see,
To save the pain.
Saved, for another day,
All at once.

I played along willing.
Was complicit.
Only to help.

But again.
Used.
I was used.

Was Warned

Warned,
By those kindest of souls.

What I failed to see,
No, didn’t want to.

Warned about paths tread again.
Paths led again.

To an abrupt end.
Hanging by a thread,
Lost in the depths of my mind.

Was warned.
Warned by those who care.

Those who tried.
Those who care.
Who tried.

But I failed them.
Failed myself.

To see the pain,
The paths once tread.
The darkness breeding all around.

And again.
Into darkness I fall.

Until I awake.

Better, stronger.
From those who wish harm.
Those who use.
Those who.

From.

Those.

Who.

Was warned.
Away from the path,
I tread again,
From the pain that would have come.
Again.
As I always had known.

I was warned.

To steer clear of the path,
The pain of the past,
Once was gone,

I had been warned.
I cannot say.
I didn’t.
Cannot say.
I wasn’t warned.

By myself and others.
Of what would come.
Walking down this path.