Apologetic Care

Sorry for the care,
The care I give,
Even as it goes unwanted.
I won’t apologise, can’t.
Beyond my control.
Deep within my heart.

Apologetic care,
I cannot apologise for.
Give freely, willing,
Without reciprocation,
As I care.
As you do too.
But not like that.

A care I give willing,
One I have to give.
Seeing you,
In pain, sad or ill.
I feel the pull.
I feel the pull.
To drop it all,
To ensure you’re okay.

Thinking back to those times,
You said it was too much,
It was unwanted.

All I did.
All I tried.
All I could do.
Is care.
For which, I cannot apologise.

Cannot apologise for.
For caring.

Still overthinking, but at the same time, I keep convincing myself it’s overthinking, but it isn’t. I see what others do. It’s care, without care back. Without feelings shown too.

There are times close, but not care. Even chats so deep. It isn’t care. It isn’t care like I care.

I know for a fact that I won’t say goodbye, I care, I care too much. I care so much that even I can’t fully understand, but at the same time I do. I just do.

But is it good for me? That’s the question. So much is and also isn’t, mostly is, but still.

Is it good for me? That’s the question.

Writing this about half an hour after all the previous, I am okay and feeling better, but caring hurts, when you cannot care enough, don’t want to hurt someone else because you care that much. I guess that’s how I know it’s genuine. I won’t say goodbye, how could I? I care too much. Feeling better writing tonight.

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