Going Home

On the path home,
For a change,
New beginnings,
A chance to start afresh.
Rest, and work harder than ever,
The determination and passion,
Never before shown.
To come to full force.
To show my all.
To make a change.

To make the world shine,
As it once did.
A time to show.
A time to make.
A time to build.
With my closest friends by me,
And I, always with them.

A time for change,
For being,
For the best,
To change all the rest.

Going home,
The spark of a chance.
A fresh new start.
A reinvigourated self.
Pushing and ready.
To make my world shine,
Once again.


Travelling home now, never usually look forward to it. But. Need time to recover, working harder than I have ever have, on my Masters. To make all my essays a High First Class. To make myself proud, to get what I need, what I can truly be proud of.

Nothing will get in my way. I’m ready for this.

Advertisements

Walking the Wire

Walking along this Wire,
A fine line of life.
Written into the words, that is life.
The words to come,
Words let go into the past.
Of what is to come?

Walking the wire,
The lines in my poetry book.
Tangibly running through life.

A line running true,
Back into the past, and on into the future.
Connecting me,
Walking this wire,
True and through.
Now, then, going to be and now.


Written with inspiration from Imagine Dragons’ Walking the Wire. Sitting and standing on the train on my way home, like the other poems about journeying.

The Journey Ahead

The journey ahead
Unknowable in content,
Unseeable in nature.

Ongoing like a train on its tracks.
Into the unknown,
But ready with a path.

A single step,
One before the other,
On and on into the future.
With willpower and strength,
By my side.
On and on,
To see what I’ll see.

Strength to guide me,
Willpower to help me,
And kindness to give all passers-by.

To shine and to try,
To make a life for myself.
Along this journey,
What’s come so far,
Whereever is left to go.
Further and further,
Along this journey ahead.

Breaking The Habit

Breaking this habit,
There for the rough times,
Hanging on to you,
Clawing on to you.

Cancerous toxicity.
Reminder of it all.
How you came back.
I was a fool to let you back.

To grab hold,
Trying to bring me down,
With a false sense of flying.

Puff Puff goes with a new world ahead,
False lies
From the toxic remains.
The stubbing out.
Followed by the next. But not anymore.

The final stub.
Before walking away.
Cancerous toxicity,
Left in the ground,
In finality,
Breaking the habit.


Breaking the habit of smoking over Christmas and New Years, have no reason to continue and will stop like I managed to over the summer.

In my own experience, quiting isn’t too difficult, so long as you have a reason. Then although thoughts occur, it reminds you of the reason which will get me through.

Had the last cig yesterday, after work. Haven’t even really gotten back addicted to cigs this time, but if I leave it, it’ll probably get that way.

Realisation I Should Have Seen

A realisation I should have seen before. Of caring for someone who totally doesn’t.

Many times chatting, I could count the number of times they asked how I was, or about my day on my hand over meeting everyday for 2-3 months. I wondered this myself, but lied to convince myself of a person being kind or busy. The truth they lacking any care.

Also to a birthday a year ago, lots of accusations, hurtful words for many other friends, again, lacking understanding of other people’s agency, their ability to ‘live’ for their own. Another sign.

I remember a long time ago, when we first met, I did see some kindness for other humans, something I held on to, and convinced myself I continued to see, even when it’s been long dead.

The only time recently, that I was asked about, was with the little bird, and even that was ‘I hope she’s okay’, and saying it may not make it (I’m not naieve that I didn’t realise).

Throughout there was quite a lot of criticism and playing people off one another. The latter just realising this second thinking. Just stunned, the memories flooding back, all, totally manipulated, abusive? tricked and used.

My fault, the total lie. Believing someone’s lie, of kindness being in a person when it’s totally absent. So much that, I can’t remember a moment of true kindness from them. One where there wasn’t their own agenda, their own gain.

Pulling me back, when you were lonely and needed a friend, one I always tried to be kind. Until you were better, and my use ‘expended’.

Pulling me back, knowing the pain it caused me, knowing I couldn’t. In your mind. Only 2 things. My use and if you had need for me. Otherwise all others were regardless.

____________________________________________

I am glad this happened. The sole reason, to realise, that there are bad people out there, who shouldn’t be trusted, everything touched turned rotten. Someone who uses every moment for their own gain, not even thinking of anyone else?

At least I know, can escape and focus on people who care about others.
People who care for others will receive care the same. Those who don’t will only ever end up broken and hurt, because they do the same.

The only thing I’m sad about, well two things. My friends were right all along and I didn’t take their word, I fell into this mistake right again. The second, still confuses me, how I managed to lie, a kind person into existence when there was none. How did I see? Kindness when there were only lies?

At least I’m out. Never to look back.

Moments of Lies

Moments of lies,
Everytime.
A person who all they said,
A lie.
Myself always convincing myself,
A lie.

Many friends,
Trying to shine a truth,
Through the darkness,
Others, strangers I barely knew.
Should have taken heed.
To save the manipulation.
The reaching into my mind,
Taking all of use.
Before smashing and discarding the rest.
Broken, useless, on the cold hard floor.

At the time,
Waiting to end,
Waiting to break,
Accepting my
fate.

But not anymore,
That is not mine,
That is the fate they planned for me.
I will get up and run.
Move on and past,
In defiant.

The worst of those,
In this world.
Need to be shown.
That the worst will not succeed.
There is a light for all those who show it.
With darkness…
Awaiting those who don’t.

A shroud of lies,
Lifted.
A moment,
Made clear.
A truth revealed.
Of evil people,
Terrible lies,
Dastardly plans,
And a truth of life to defeat them.