Light of Longing

A time to come,
The world,
An open path made,
To be made.

Along my footsteps,
I shall form my own path along this line.

A time to heal,
To anticipate,
Grow and look up.
Friends by my side,
The caring souls,
A bond I cherish.

The light to come.
Times and moments,
Mistakes made, relegated to the past.
Moving past, moving on.
To find.
The light of life.
To make, my own path.

To learn.
Living life in a shadow of happiness,
A life without pain,
For pain, to be managed, held, set aside.

In this, I have found.
The light of longing.

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My little break… To recover.

Hi everyone,

Took a break from publishing poetry, and promised myself I wouldn’t, until I managed to recover, get better, happier, look forward and erase the pain from my mind and my life.

I’m writing this at the time this is being published, but have written poems between The Little Bird I tried and Witness To The Pain and am publishing retrospectively.

The latter, writing, the feelings. I have gotten better, seeing such pain, helping, even dealing with my own as it tries to crush me. Looking on and responding. To not let it take me. Helping others with even my own looming. It gave me the realisation. I have realised my mistake. My fault.

To pushing the darkness away. Letting it die in my past, along with my mistakes.

Thanks to all of my friends and all those poets on WordPress for help and care, none more than you Nyx. Your strength against adversity, kindness and support and amazing poetry and kind words since I started writing my blog. Thanks to you all.

I’m always a message away, the darkness, is only ever temporary, if you try to hold on to the light.

One person, L, I will ever be grateful to, and have written many poems of thanks, they showed me the light, when I had given up looking.

A lesson I am taking with me into the future. And passing on to anyone I can.

For you, R, I would do anything, for all the help, kindness and being amazing and always there, I am forever grateful and indebted.

I am publishing the writings I have done on my break to recover. I will not halt my publishing for any reason, I will not be hurt, I will not be shamed away from my work or being me. If people don’t like who I am then that is their fault. They can always leave me be. I only want my energy used on people who care, people who are worth a damn. Of whom I have many, and am wholly grateful for. I expected to publish after the holidays were over, but the last poem; Witness to the Pain, showed me how far I’ve come, helping many others, and somehow having subsided my own pain, gotten over it, put my past mistakes behind me. Had a realisation, become at peace and realised my mistake.

Witness to the Pain

A witness,
To the pain of others,
Many, suffering and sorry.
I stand there, consoling.

Seemingly oblivious but knowing,
Of true pain,
My pain.

Witnessing others’,
My own, boiling from beneath.
Others,
All seeking help, kindness and consoling.
I stand here.
All unaware, of the pain I’ve felt.
Pretending, ‘what pain?’.

Knowing full well,
A demon’s grimace of pain,
A well-known sight.
A person’s face, showing such pain,
Another sight,
Of my well-familiarity.

Strength to put aside the pain.
To part the demons,
Move from my path all obstacles.
Move from my path all plight.
To shape what I want.
To brighten whereever I can.

Being…
A witness to the pain.
Pain so real.
Real to feel.

A depth, to rip open from the inside.
A cure, keeping hold.
Keeping hold of the light.
Light to shine my path.
Determination to brighten the life I lead.

To move along my path,
Determination, resolve and kindness to be my guide.

Only found.
This.
Through being.
Witness to the pain.


Had a good Christmas, a really good one. Realised after it, all the celebrations, so many people shared their pain, hardships, all in the family and friends, something that I’ve seen a lot (more from friends than family). And no matter if some may ridicule and insult me I have gone through great pain too, stronger and level-headed from it. But pain nevertheless, so much so the language, feeling, sight and understanding of pain, easier to understand than life, easier to contend with than breathing.

Sad to witness such pain, I can relate to, understand and also feel just to hearing it. But I guess I help?

Still…

The pain, hurts, helps, goes away and lingers all at the same time.

 

When writing this I haven’t published works in a while and wasn’t planning until I get better, expected it to be later but this poem spoke to me.

How far I’ve come,
How far I can go.

This, as many of my best poems, is dedicated to you who have helped me so much that you don’t know and I don’t understand, L.