Everything Feeling

Everything feeling,
The fullness,
Overwhelming feeling.
Understanding,
No one sees how.

Underestimation, everyone’s currency for me.
Understanding, the sea I swim in, live in.
The world,
A world of feelings,
My own and others,
A lifetime of thoughts,
In the smallest of moments.
Rushing before my eyes,
Overwhelming.

People look at me,
But never see.
I can’t explain.
The everything feeling.
A mind racing,
My attention like a hand that cannot keep up.

Thoughts running,
Always.
A simple decision?
A list of solutions,
Running through my mind,
To weigh and pick.

Emotional hurt,
Always feeling emotions of others,
Strongly influencing my own.
Imagine a being,
Not being, but being gained from another.
A state of loss,
Loss of being, feeling, identity.

This state of everything feeling,
Itself causing pain,
To add to my pain,
From the pain of others,
To add to my own pain also.

No synthesis,
Overempathy, or the lack.
The former as natural,
The latter to save me,
Save me from the overfeeling

The complexity.
Unable to describe.
This.
Everything.
Life.
Existence.

And the inescapable.

This everything feeling.


Well. Writing a poem of feeling, what it’s like to feel too much, empathise way too much until it hurts beyond description, emotions hurt beyond description of physical pain.

Probably have Asbergers and have slightly suspected since primary school (many years ago), but a main reason is my misconception that Autism is necessarily about a lack of empathy when I’ve always known it’s the opposite for me.

Found some good experiences on a forum, found it through a community I found on a new app a friend on my MoodTrack recommended haha: https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=304240

Talking to others it’s possible to have Asbergers with hyperempathy or hypersensitivity.

Despite the description of the poem I’m not sad, just thinking, writing what life feels like, existing is like.

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