Trying

Trying so hard,
To get better,
To be okay.

All not enough,
When being dragged down.
Did as you asked?
A goodbye asked for,
A goodbye given.
Always civil,
To do what I must.

I want to let go of the pain.
Erase the dark times from my mind.

Fighting to get better everyday.
Fought all the way.
To keep me in pain.

Looking forward to the time I have,
Erased the pain from the memory.
Erased the pain of the dark times.
To move forward into the light ahead.
Not to look at the darkness behind.

So much beauty and kindness in this world.
Only I manage to shut out the darkness behind me.

Until then.
I find myself trying.
Fought all the way.

Trying,
But fought all the way.


Do I not deserve a break? The nerve of me, not hanging out when they said goodbye for good. The nerve for me to look after myself and not persist my pain. I have the nerve for not looking after myself? What I can’t stand is a goodbye said to be final, but not being left alone. Always being told to go, yet expected to hang out whenever another says so. No matter whether it’s good for me. I will talk only so much I have to go on. To do my job. That is it. Goodbyes are goodbyes sometimes. Not to be kept until beckoned for.

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