Painful Contradiction

Painful contradiction,
The hurt within my soul,
Broken, as my will,
Tries to build,
In doing so,
Effects a further break.

The contradiction of my life,
Hoping and only broken.
Trying, and only for my mind,
To tear itself up.
In pain,

Nothing enough,
Looking off,
Into the horizon,
My brain,
In pain.

Trying, to calm.
The mind its own nightmare.
My brain its own breakage.
A tear within my soul.

A painful contradiction,
The memories inside my head,
Good, but itself causing pain,
This unbearable contradiction.

Breaking through my soul.

It hurts, felt better not long ago, but the goodness enhances the worst. Trying to watch films to feel better now. Not really working, my thinking it hurts, feeling empty, but also like wanting to cry.

The happiness also brings its undoing, it all, a contradiction of pain. Trying to think it through, trying to cope. Don’t even know why I’m feeling especially low today, tonight, after a good day, of rest, of seeing a really nice friend, lots of productive work.

Even the zombie apocalypse, of what I am watching seems like a better outcome, emptiness from emptiness, no one to hurt you but everyone and everything. Sounds like life, reality. Pain to try and live, hurting at every point.

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