What Choice?

What choice?
What is there?
In the blank.
Time with no choice.

What is this time?
All the time that passes.
Stress in the mind.
All in turmoil,
Thinking of the time,
Time with no. No choice.

A path waiting,
Not knowing,
How to go on,
What will come.

How it all goes.
A path of fear to tread.
What may come.

Tired of the fight.
But no choice.
Many steps to take,
With no choice.

Writing this, stressful shift, but okay now. Worried, got this new position, worried, to do it right, to be right myself, with my erratic moods, feelings. My student debt repayment to come soon, earning or not, worried if I’ll earn enough to live but forced to pay. After a year paying my own way through a Masters. Always struggling and tired thinking. But no choice. I have to. I have the path I want, to eventually become a lecturer and do a PhD.

But already so tired, my body with sleeping, felt it stop. Always being so tired. But having no choice but to force my way through being constantly tired.

Worried about the next step, such a large one, moving away from home, alone, without help. Just difficult. Mind hurting thinking of it. Try not thinking, but again no choice, I have to or I’ll miss it.

Can’t remember, the last day off, even the last two I remember, still always so tired.

This may sound down, I’m feeling better, just so many worries, feel better but these worries. Never ceasing fear, tiring. But no choice but to flog myself towards my goal, the path I need to take, what I have to do.

Writing this got me a little down, but one I’ve been meaning to write for a while, around half a year. Everything looking better now, but still all this and so tired now. But in the end, so tired. My reward for choosing the more difficult path. A choice? For no choice. But I was to walk it. No choice.

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