Bearing This Stone-Hardened Being

Bearing the stone,
Entombed in the calcification,
Bearing it all.

Pain hardened into my very being.
Holding my soul.
Hardened to stone.

Wanting to smash it all apart.
But here I am.
Here I hold it.
As the pain consumes me.
Raging against the world so cold.
To grasp the light.

To have and hold.
This pain so close.
To let it consume,
As I do too.
Making stronger.
Making felt,
Dying inside. As it all hardens my being.

Breaking apart the weak.
Making stronger from the pieces.

Let this flesh, be consumed.
Breaking it all apart.
And making anew.

Tearing it apart in the morning light.
To forge anew, for another day.

Raging into the day’s light.
To find and to be.
Always fighting,
To make this life be.

To become.

Stone hardened being,
To make it all live free.

But first the struggle,
Desperation and determination.
To break to make anew.
Fore this stone-hardened being.
In the fires of burning pain.

Here I am.
Here I try.

Here I shall succeed.
Embracing the pain.
Give me it all.
You’ve never let up before.
This life I will be.
Give it all to me.
I shall take it.
And embrace it into me.

Until it is all torn asunder.
Forgong throughout the pain.
Hardening these bones, this soul and mind.
I wreck to make be.
I shall bear it.
Give it all to me.
And soon I will be.

Writing this listening, to I am a Stone, by Demon Hunters. A song that reminds me.

Thanks to my American friend, being kind and brightening up a day, a day I’d otherwise like to forget.

Darkest of Paths

Darkest of paths,
Mind brought to breaking.
Deepseated poison in my veins.

The panic hits.
Breathing and thinking raging, racing.
Heart hurting.
Mind racing across all thoughts.
Pain, deep pain.
Within me, it devastates.

Needing to escape.
Journeying out from my house, looking for an escape.
From the panic,
The dread.
All of a sudden this panic set in.
2am and its all set upon me.

Clamouring outside,
Waiting, looking for,
I do not know.
Needing fresh air,
Claustrophobic in the outside breeze.

My biggest fear,
A welcome relief if it would rid me of the pain.
Make a deal with the devil to lessen this feeling.

Never escaping this,
The panic,
My sleepless soul,
Looking for a way.

And out I’ve gone.

The walk, sea-breeze, never helping to calm my panicked mind.

Only left,
Hoping it will subside.

Today’s been a really terrible day. Everything. Everything. Panicking at many many moments. Everything, when your chest seizes up, your mind is screaming. Your heart is pounding that it hurts and leaves you breathless. Heart pounding all the time. Everything just hurts. And the mind just keeps going. Keeps giving me sensory information when I just want it to stop. To give me some respite. I need a break.