It Fades

It fades,
The times,
It all, receding into a beautiful landscape, peace and calm all flow by.

Yet left, sorrowful,
For all my mistakes,
What I’ve done. But only trying.

Pain always lasting,
In my mind that never forgets,
Though I will it to.
My inability, my wall.
It blocks me.

Making the path,
Making what I wish,
An inevitable impossibility,
Though its all I want.

To try,
To be,
To heal.

Left with many sentence starts,
Thoughts and ponderings, in my head,
Trying to capture sorrow.
Trying to show sorrow.
Trying to unfeel what I do feel,
To atone for past mistakes.

Wishing an alternative,
When the mind cannot break from its path.
Being better,
Truly so,
But not. In one respect.
A sadness I live,
One I feel.

Incapable to get past,
Ignore and bury as I try.

A past I miss, missed.
My mind.
Gave up.

Stronger now,
But also not.
In many ways,
But a barrier persists.

Trying to find a way.
But hits up against a wall.
And I give,
It all to try.
But I know,
Know the fade.

As I try, to give my all.
Pondering into this moment,
All I can say.
Is sorry.

To it all.
As I recede. Knowing I’ve tried.
Never enough,
But. All is all. That’s all I’ve got.

Must I shut my
This I do not want.
But I know no other.
I have tried it all.

But all I can say.
Is I’ll always care.
To help at times.
Because that’s all I can do.
A promise made, always to be kept.
In all my flaws, it’s one promise I can make.

Been an amazing day, totally amazing. A great day. This saddens me slightly, no regrets. But regret for the past, in part.

The thoughts to the past, remind me of the broken. I am truly happy about today. Truly. But this makes it harder. Not to dwell on the darkness.

No regrets today. So much light. But this also shows a glimpse of darkness.

Sad for the past. Uncertain about the future. I’m happy, but also sad and fearful. Wish. Just wish I could be better.

A touching poem, it makes me happy and sad. It breaks me, knowing what the mind has always known. But. Well. That’s that.

I could stay on this bench pondering, thinking, for hours more. But I can’t, I must leave this landscape. And go. As I have to.

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