How Much It Means

How much it means,
To have a friend,
A person who cares.

To make me feel alive,
In a world of dark.
To try, to be.

To be, in this world so cold,
Unforgiving.
To feel not alone,
In a world that doesn’t care.

When it all,
Rips out my soul as I cling on,
For hope,
For life.
Trying when being torn apart.
Never knowing what it means,
What it means to me.

Trying to be,
When it all just tears me down.
In a world, that just care.
Just burn me,
Consume me in those flames,
Lit so long ago.

As the world fucks me over,
Just fuck it all.
If you could,
Take all the shit you’ve given.
You’d see,
The pain, given.
It all made,
Unbearable.
When only trying to be.
Merely trying to live.
In a world, where I cannot.

You, my true friend,
My family,
Will never know,
Will never see,
What,
It truly means to me.

In a world, dark, and cold.
Where living,
Is dying,
But piece, by piece.

Cold.
So cold.
When it all.
Just slips from me.
I lose,
By trying,
By trying to be.
Alone.
And losing.
Losing me.

Losing it all.


Writing this, thinking of my best friend. Helping me when I was brought to my edge, panicked and gone.

She’s family. She’s family, but doesn’t have to be.

Still feeling very rough, but she helped.
In a world so harsh,
That doesn’t care.

Many triggers recently, the main trigger today, apart from a few recently and the start of today, it was my internet company, not fulfilling their promises, lying, being rude, unhelpful and charging me for what I haven’t got. A month’s internet when halfway through the month and it’s still down despite many many calls. May seem small, but that and the other more personal and deep stuff, tipped me over the edge and into the abyss.