Calm Of The Emptiness

The calming of the empty soul.
Emptied and freed.
Left unanswered,

But calm in the empty, black night.

The black night calls,
It flows and hurts,
As I unfeeling.
Left to the blackness of the night.

As it all goes,
The pain,
Unfeeling, even when writing.
Not even knowing.

Feelings flow,
They flow off,
Into unknowing and nothing.
All pain.
Left by the side.

Tired as it drains.

Dark sky.
Just leave me adrift.
Off to flow.

All those old songs,
Little comfort as the winds pass.
Looking up,
Into the broken sky.
Torn apart at the seams.

Broken and wasted.

Despair Raging Deep

Despair raging deep,
The pain running deep.
Despair the home I find myself in.

Pain all known.
Dying inside piece by piece.
Only despair to be found,
Inside the confines of my mind.

Oh on the inside,
Of my mind.
Calm and dying.

Inside it all.

I just find myself inside.
Wrapped in chains,
Inside my mind.

So dark and so cold.

In a world so ambivalent,
So cold and uncaring,
Yet I,
Foolish enough to try.

To try and be,
To try and keep,
To be me.
Foolish enough to try.

As the ice closes in.
The winds change.
And all to be found,
Icy cold winds of time.

As time, drifts off.

Calm, at peace in the pain.
To remember the crimes,
And my own, inability.
To see the pain, hate and hurt.
Until too late.

Warned too many times,
But into the trap I walked.
As I hear the sea-waves crash.
I realise,
The pain malicious and uncaring,
I stop.
And die.

The words of a friend,
“Not my business, not my problem”.
The story of life,
Everyone is death.
Uncaring, fake and hurtful all the same.

Ripping it all out of me,
Rupturing inside.
To remember and consume.
All the pain,
Never to mistake lies and pain for a kindness, truth meant.

Letting the memories,
Pain and break,
Rupture me.

Just to let it rupture and rip at me.

Blow me apart,
Ripping, Rupture and pain.
To break and remind.
The ripping into my heart and soul.
Reminding through the fires of pain.
Break, break, break and rupture.
The ripping of the soul,
The forging through the pain.
To rip, rupture and remind.
Break me. Break me. Break me like you always have before and fucking get it done.
Let it all rip apart.
Rupture it all.
Until I will just stop.
Till the daylight breaks.
Left to forget the pain.
Through… the pain.

At peace,
In writing,
Having had. Enough warnings.
So fucking do this,
Break me apart and let’s do this.
Break me apart and lets try to rip me apart.
I do enough and I know you’ve tried.
Always tried,
I see clearly,
It’s only sad, to see, To realise you meant this for me.

So lets finish the job.

Ripping me apart,
Breaking every bone and soul.
Making me whole without anythig,
Happy to see the broken.
Let’s go.
Breaking apart to see,
What can be left,
What can be broken.
What can be torn apart.

Feeling slightly better, ripping my mind apart, drinking on the beach, for a couple hours, thinking, pondering and realising what I should have all along, kinda did but never truly, realising the true intent of pain. Grateful for friends I have lost, who have given up on me, for not realising this. Grateful, even from afar.

Shards Of Glass

The story told,
From these shards of glass,

Each thought,
Comment heard,
All shards of glass,
A chance to miss,
Or pierce.

Even once missed,
A chance to come back round,
To try and pierce again.

Yet again,
Taking this storm of glass,
The mind’s scars,
Leaving torn, ripped.

Wanting to be numb,
Wanting to be broken,
So the cuts, the scars,
Can’t be felt.

Wrote this, before work today. The shift went well, a little bit of stress, residual. And then had a nice relaxing evening.

Now feeling really shitty, more than I have in a long long time. I know I’m in for a long night of writing depressive poetry. Out-depress myself until I get tired of everything and just stop feeling.

Initially wrote this piece, about me, my mind, the things that hurt me and set me into a spiral. But yeah. Yeah. Another thing has set a nice evening into a spiral and feeling really sick to my stomach. Really really sick to my stomach. Luckily I have the next two days off, but the first is for a mental health appointment. This’ll set me into a spiral.