Playing This Game

Playing this game,
A game, rules corrupt and unkind.

Having to play their own game to go on.
No matter how I don’t want,
Playing this game.

Rewarding emptiness with.a face turning away,

No time or place,
In a world inkind, uncaring.
No place for kindness given,
Taken and left,
Only until needed once again,
To give what the world doesn’t show,
Waiting in vain,
Hoping for kindness to come,
As I always try,
Only trying to keep true,
Always shown to be useless,
Taken advantage of,
As I walk off the cliff,
Over and over again.

The same scene,
Playing over and over again.

Seeing what always passed,
Expected,
Coldness,
In the world I try.
Warned by so many,
A reminder of the world so cold,
Uncaring in its whole.

Knowing the game,
But having always refused to play.
But I go on,
Only to see and hope it changes.
For kindness, as I always try.
Knowing,
I’m fighting the game itself.
As I try and try,
To change the rules,
To make kindness,
To be,
To try,
And change the rules.

Looking up,
At the star-speckled sky.
Hoping and trying to change,
Through kindness I wholeheartedly give,
Knowing, I fail,
Fail to change.
The mind refusing to surrender,
Keeping on trying.

Playing this game,
Changing up the rules,
Hoping to change,
Showing what is in need.
What everyone wants, hope for,
Small kindnesses,

Always trying,
In a game that’s so tiring,
But I don’t tire,
Hope for the change.


Thinking, last night, was a little rough, only a little. A friend, my friend apologised to me, or kind of, they recognised some stuff they did and how rough it was, the way they treated me. Even my reply, being so used to it, being used, ripped apart.

Chatting today was better so much nicer and they’re coming down to see me and they’re coming earlier and going to a friend’s party with me.

Got me thinking, if I got a penny for every time I’ve been used or wronged then I’d own an island of my own.

Lots of apologies given, they always seem to alien, I’m used to being abused without remorse. Sad. Sad. Upsetting but oh well.

Caring, that’s the problem. Most people, friends and otherwise ask, why bother caring without ensuring I’m paid back. But that’s not me. I do, hoping, kindness can be repaid with kindness while not expected. But that’s not how humans work.

I guess I need to learn the human game, and play humans at their own game.

Had a good day, guess I’m just thinking.

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