Alive

Alive,
Here in feeling,
In presence,
Moments conversation,
Here I stand.

In existence,
Feeling meaning,
Feeling alive,
Exhilerated, excited,
A warmth I have rarely felt.
A kindness, on my soul,
A sense of care, interest.
Makes me stretch out,
In feeling,
Feeling alive.

In all existence.
Being at peace,
A never-finished process,
But these moments,
Let them not stop,
Let me not stop feeling.
And even without, let me not forget.

To remember, to feel,
To be alive.


Amazing day, did nothing much, but chat to a friend who’s across the globe away and we were chatting for ages, reminded me, and has made today totally amazing!

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Small Things

Small things,
Small things in the dark,
Happy, insignificant yet true.
Nice but unexpected.

Wondrous, funny and sweet.
A moment,
A time,
A small occasion.

About those small things,
Easily taken for granted,
Those small things,
That lighten a day.
Those small things,
Always remembered,
From, to on and on.

About those small things,
Those funny times,
Those nice things.

Those.
Really small things.

Light, For The Setting of the Dark

Light,
As it comes,
For the setting of the night,
The darkest skies,
Lit up, before my eyes.

Opened wide,
Radiance and kindness alike.

Remembering,
Feeling,

A beauty of the world.
Through its radiant shine,

Remembering the bright,
It all,
In place,
Flowing into the night.
Mixed thoughts,
Memories kept.
Reminding, remembering.

Never to forget.

As for, the light,
Remembering the times,
With the light flowing, into the night.


Writing this, spent a relaxing night, watching my favourite tv show, The Walking Dead, was an emotional rollercoaster. Now thinking, of a dear friend haha. Also did more photography today, not much, wasn’t good weather, but a little.

Calm

Calm,

In the moment,
The time,
A moment,
Change by little change,
Persective, so ever-present.

Oh how I can then choose to see.

Here I am,
In the brief calm.
In the moment,

Being in the present.
Seeing,
Here I stand,
Hopeful,
Calm,
Seeing, trying, and now I know.

Calm, calm.
Inspired,
In the making,
With creation,
So many posibility.
Gratitude to my friends, Sticking by,
Making life.

In this moment of brief calm.
A good day.
Peaceful rest.
Introspection.
I see. Calm.


Feeling good, calm, spent the day, doing odd jobs, watching educational videos and doing things to better aid my photography. Did no photography as I had planned but it’s okay, did lots I haven’t had time to before. Also needed the relaxing day doing nothing.

Thinking back on hanging out with my friend last night, looking back, my mixed feelings, funny how these things change, where I have no idea why I felt like that, it was a great time, with good friends. Lots of good stuff.

Inspired totally by photography and glad to be getting back into it and wanting to throw myself into it fully, the image is another I’ve taken.

Without Help

Without help,
From a feeling,
One I cannot understand,
Cannot see.

The feeling of not,
Having another in place,
Without cause.

But not knowing,
Being helpless to forces, feelings, external.

Just wondering why,
Why,
Just the feeling,
The time,
Time in contradiction,
To what is seen,
From what is felt,
Experience different, from appraisal.

Oh how is it so confused.
Trying to understand.

Waiting, trying, thinking,
On and on.
Trying to see,
Desperately.


Cannot Help, had a good day, great celebrating my best friend’s birthday with her, shopping for presents for her. Has been awesome, hanging out with friends, celebrating. But for some reason, feeling mixed, not knowing why and hating this very fact. I do not even know why.

Despite how this sounds, not feeling bad, just a little mixed and not knowing why and not wanting to.

Happening

Time goes,
With the happening,
The time flows,
Places, come and go,
All of it,
The happening.

Comes to be.
Moves in and out,
Uncertainty, with being.
Being with living.

As it all flows,
On and on,
Currents twisting and turning,
In their uncertain paths.

Paths that come and go,
Ponderings in the world,
Questions in place…


Been a good day, really good, has made a lot brighter, but as evening comes, I go back to thinking and feels little sad, but at peace.

Capture

Capture,
Moment pristine,
Clarity present.

Beauty in normalcy,
Beauty present,
In being,
Beauty in all,
Unexpected,
Chasing darkness away.

At peace getting away,
Somewhat… losing yourself.
Just the moment,
What it brings,
What you find.

Branching paths,
Reality’s duality,
Event, non-event,
Choose or not,
Present or absent.

Moments, paths, places, times,
Fill my mind,
Existence,
Place by place, in time.

How the willow tree,
Admist the fog shines out,
Atop the hill,
Hills across the lifescape behind,
Shining, at peace, calm.
In existence, time.

Capture in mind,
soul, image.

So many chances taken,
Chances missed,
Chances taken while others missed.
Bringing me here,
This place, right now.
This time, and not another.

Capture,
In the mind,
In being.

Capture.
Encapsulated in place.
Captured beauty.


Wasn’t going to write poetry tonight, had no thoughts to write, was lying awake, reflecting. Been doing photography about every day for over a week, being more at peace with scenes I find myself, finding scenes where usually people see nothing, even I expect to find nothing but hope to find something in that and usually do, but never cease to be surprised by this.

Getting so much into photography and wanting to save up for a DSLR, I do love this. Reflecting and getting better through photography.

The Past’s Song

The past’s song,
As time flows,
Things change,
While staying the same,
In time.

In space,
The darkness of night,
Waiting, pondering into the night,
Lights, bright to see.

In the midst of the night sky.
As it is all let to be.
To be.

The past, a song,
Playing, through time,
To see,
To feel,
To be.

As time lets it feel.
Lets it see.

In the time, making.

Looking back,
Into this past’s song,
As it plays on,
On and on.


Been an alright day, had a hospital appointment, and spent a bit of time relaxing and a bit of time on photography and at night I’m left to thoughts.

The post photo is one I took on a short walk after my hospital appointment.

Walking Away From Pain

Watching, walking,
Walking away from pain,
Looking at what is horrible in people,
Seeing, despite how hard I try.
Sometimes people are just horrible.

A hard fact to swallow,
As I hope for,
What I cannot see.
A pained song,
I listen to and watch.
See their pain,
I tried,
When noone else did.
To help,
To try to see, help,
But now I walk away.
Uncaring.

It’s one of those things,
When the hurt, hurt.
A lack of care,
Kindness,
In all those times.

Something I never wanted to do,
To walk from another’s pain.
A lesson to learn, and learn again.
People being horrible,
Some have a call, a call for help.
But no matter the try.
Some have taken this hurt,
As their mantle, as their creed,
As their infliction.

For some,
The need to walk away,
To turn a blind eye to suffering,
Trying, had tried,
Wasted my time trying to help.
Believing in goodness, kindness,
Only to see it absent.
Something I didn’t want to believe.

I,
Trying in place,
Having to own,
The failure to help,
A failure through the trying.

Riping.
Your self from self,
To fill,
Yourself, witj anger and pain.
To watch it all burn.

Knowing,
You’ve tried.
All you could.
As you turn away,
Watching it burn from behind.

Walking away from pain,
Letting them wallow,
Knowing you tried,
But were pushed away,
While asked not to go.

Pain is yours,
And yours to keep.
No more will I try,
No more will I vicariously pain,
Trying to help.

The hardest choice to make.
To leave another,
To the fires, flames and pain.

Walking away from pain,
Letting them, get consumed by flames.
As I walk, turn, Knowing I tried.
A choice I’ve fought at every turn,
But now must give in.


Thinking, angry, been an alright day, mixed, but thinking of humanity, how it’s so horrid, hurtful. Thinking of a recent hurtful person. Also of how everyone thinks, how is everyone often so content with leaving another? Letting them to pain. General gossip I hear, reminds me of this all the time. But I kind of get it now. Myself having to realise that some people are just horrid with no way around it.

A hard thought to process as, there’s no benefit to being hurtful, being a dickhead. But. I shouldn’t feel bad for leaving those kinds of people, to wallow in pain, the depths of their hell.

Just thinking of all those nights, staying up, even before work early just to make sure my friend was okay, chatting, letting them vent, trying to help, trying to be kind. And then yeah, kindness offered in life is rarely returned.

So I shouldn’t feel bad, angry maybe, but not sad for leaving them to pain. Not hurt, for wanting to help, not gonna hurt just to help. People don’t care and don’t deserve the same. Some people just need to be left to rip their own world apart. I give up trying to help.

Finding The Way

Finding the way,
The little path to go,
In the middle of the night,

A way to go,
A place to find,
Bit by bit,
Piece by piece.

Of the time,
In the present,
Calm and at peace,
Just being.

Just to find,
To make way,
To try,
So hard to just try.

In the moment,
Fleeting as it passes.
To find.

To be,
In the, in this moment.
To be okay and calm.
Even as looking back into the storm.

To find a place in being,
Uncertainty, still present.
But okay as I go on.


The last few days at work have been okay, hectic but calmer. Been doing photography everyday after work. Has been good. Went to a social for a group I found on Facebook, for photography. It was good, very nervous at first, and the youngest person there after me was 15 years older, felt a little out of place, but also not. It was good.

Feeling calmer. The emptiness I talked about before, still there, normal, but when better, it’s easier to ignore. To live in the moment. Looking forward to my best friend’s birthday.

Stuff is going okay, just okay and at peace.