Without Help

Without help,
From a feeling,
One I cannot understand,
Cannot see.

The feeling of not,
Having another in place,
Without cause.

But not knowing,
Being helpless to forces, feelings, external.

Just wondering why,
Why,
Just the feeling,
The time,
Time in contradiction,
To what is seen,
From what is felt,
Experience different, from appraisal.

Oh how is it so confused.
Trying to understand.

Waiting, trying, thinking,
On and on.
Trying to see,
Desperately.


Cannot Help, had a good day, great celebrating my best friend’s birthday with her, shopping for presents for her. Has been awesome, hanging out with friends, celebrating. But for some reason, feeling mixed, not knowing why and hating this very fact. I do not even know why.

Despite how this sounds, not feeling bad, just a little mixed and not knowing why and not wanting to.