Good at the Facade

Good at the facade.
Drowning inside,
Own thoughts, wretching inside.
A fight with the mind,
Before putting on the facade.
Pain to bring forth,
To bring forth,
Pushing and pushing,
But lost.

But so good at the facade.
Always in place,
All hidden at the back of the mind.
Back of the mind,
Clawing forth.

Clenched teeth,
Stomach wretching,
Mind not knowing.
Always thinking.

Just don’t.
Just don’t think.

Story of my life, trying but falling, failing, trying. Nothing’s happened I guess, just the ordinary, trying, trying, and trying, hating myself for trying but not going far as I want, with my trying.

Honestly don’t know anymore, story of my life, years and years of study, trying my best and not getting enough. Same wth everything.

The mind eating itself, wrenching and ripping itself apart.

Had a hope, but finding it’s not going as well as I want. But then again, it is my life, guess to be expected. Thinking and thinking over, till when I can only forget, try to calm the mind of worry and place a wall I cannot see past. Keep the mind occupied so I don’t have time to peer behind the wall.

Lots of things recently, reminding me of this, on and off but still.

Not feeling bad at the moment, just normal. But still. What then, does that say?

I try. Can’t believe after so many years, trying and just fail.

After years and years, you start to ask, think, what’s the point of anything if, just always failing when you’re trying your all. That’s just it.

Don’t know if it’s all true or just unfounded overthinking. Don’t know.

The only way, the saying of my favourite tv character, who I relate to more than any living person, their way of going through life, “just don’t think about it”.

Face Of The World

Face of the world,
Trying, thinking, being.
Always trying,
Against the face of this world,
Trying with,
Always trying.

As I fall,
Stumbling across,
As the mind, the face,
I try.
Always try,
As I stumble,
Demons there,
But I turn my back,
To try,
To be.

Always trying not to think,
A pain of overthinking,
Trying to control.

Overthinking, the poison of the mind,
I’ve tried to remedy,
To fight so hard.

As I fall, to fight to get up.
To try and calm a restless mind.

Thoughts rage, as I fight to calm,
Stumble, stumble, and fall.

Trying to fight,
To rage my soul to being,
As it all falls,
And I try to fight.
To stand,
Pulling against the chains,
Weighing me down.
As I try.

Seeimg and trying not to think.
As I fight against my own mind. My own mind now,
Trying so hard.

Against the face of the world in my mind.