The Last Light Dims

Demons we have,
Demons we share,
Places found,
Times fought.

As the song dies to close,
As the last night dims.

Demons live,
The mind just sees.

Even with it all.

Better or worse,
All the same,
One mess of existence.

Mind,
Mind racing,
Forced onwards.

Again and again the demons drag me,
Forced on,
Hating,
Hating without feeling.
Mind brings me,
Darkness traps me.

End.
It all ruptures,
Till I stop noticing.
Emptiness from everything.
My mind fighting the pain,
Wanting to turn the pain, into a game, adjusting, coping, taking control.
For why should I be tortured? I can at least get used to, and smile during.

Sadness gripping,
Confusion.

So.
Let this last light dim.
Candle blown out.
It all ends.
Cold and darkness consumes all.
Just pain. Getting used to. Becoming known.
So it never feels.
So it is the complete norm.


Feeling marginally better today as of the last 2 hours, watching Punisher, my favourite Marvel character. I like him how I like Rick and Morty, living in total pain, but doing, but everything is empty anyway, but just going on.

Been thinking about my worry, cycles of panic, where mind racing, mistakes making, only leading to more worry, mistakes and anxiety. It all is a perpetual cycle of worse.

Sadness, emptiness, a beautiful feeling.
In such a morbid and dark way.
Like starvation, a challenge, an achievement. Harm, feeling good, because anxiety, unsure, a penance.

It’s unusual, the stage between pain being the normal, then unfeeling and then even good? I guess the mind, adjusting to what has just became so nornalized.

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