Up-ending

Feeling calmer, still angry, hateful, hurt, in pain. Wanting everything to stop. So the norm. I can’t cope, know I need a change even if it means upending everything. Will definitely do this by October, my goal while fulfilling my own personal promise. I have to. Still even now. Feeling so angry at and about everything. The Walking Dead’s universe feels like it would be so good right now.

Can’t do this. Everything corrupting in my mind, had quite a lot of sleep and going to bed now for more but I’m still exhausted and really dreading work tomorrow, everything tomorrow to be honest. I guess dreading waking up, so the norm again I guess. Whatever.

Problem with calmer anger, it shows overwhelmed anger as true without the fixing of the anger. Shows it to be true rather than temporary issues or feelings going into overdrive and point to a real issue. So fucking pissed off and done. So tired and sick and tired. Can’t even think of anything I’m looking forward to, for, well any time forward from now. Which only makes me even more angry at myself, at life in general.

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