Brought Back To Life

All my loves in life,
Creating, making anew through images my own.
Giving me, peace in the mind.

And then.
As I’m brought back to life.

Rushes back,
Ripping out my heart.

An escape,
Made not to last,
Not to be real.

As it all hurts,

I just want,
An escape from my,
From my mind.
To tear me from,
Leaving me unconscious,
Breaking me from,
An addiction to a lie,
A lie that, it’ll get better sometime.
A lie told,
To battle hard,
To overcome the next hurdle as it’ll come, a time,
When I can live,
Be free from my mind.
Be happy in life,
Rather than waiting for it to stop.
Patiently I wait,
For one end or another,
An end to the pain, or just an end.

A sad set of affairs,
As I lie,
Trying but stopping,
As it’s all the lie.
A lie I tell.

But I am stuck.
In a terrible rut.
Just waiting, Not knowing what to do,
Just wanting to do nothing,
Having lost life.
Lost meaning.
Just wanting an escape,
An escape from being brought back to life.

Went to do a little bit of photography again today, late, and mostly location scouting. After packed up and heading home. Was thinking why I love photography and it makes me feel better. Even if only during it.

It’s an escape from life, from living, from thinking, keeps me occupied. Until after, when I’m brought back from life. Don’t know why I feel terrible in general, stuff is okay, more stable than in many years, living in a place I like, all sorts of stuff. Finally have a hobby, since primary school I never had one.

Why I like photography reminded me, back to primary school through to secondary, I was addicted to video games for the same reasons; it was an escape from life, from my mind, got me thinking but not about life, but a puzzle. My childhood wasn’t that bad. So what’s wrong with my mind. Where what’s worst, is being brought back from life.

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