Clarity

Clarity found,
Place of being, feeling.
A time reminded, by those kind-hearted occasions.


Clarity, feeling better than earlier, not that I was feeling bad but conflicted. I think I’ve resolved it with the help of messaging a friend about stuff not even related to this. I can still walk clearly, freely, happily while still offering all I am able to help, all to try and help. Nothing more that I want to do in life more than to help those I care about.

Feeling much better, cant believe over the last week or two, I remember what started it all, so small and insignificant, but it’s made all life much easier to cope with, has made me happier in everything, looking forward. It was nothing, just a simple FaceBook message but it’s made it all.

Things are still difficult, many times, but it’s much more hopeful, much easier to bounce back. And most of all, much better to keep my mind on track and to steer it if it drifts off course.

This commission I’m a bit anxious about, not really anxious but wondering. I probably won’t get it as the person I spoke to said they’d most likely offer it to someone who’s more disabled by their health, but it’s worth a go and I’m trying. Just waiting to hear back now. It would give me an amazing project over summer to do.

We’ll see. But I still cherish the thing that’s given me so much life, soul, living, above all else. So much so that it’s probably pathetic. But I’m finally happy.

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Conflicted

My mind, how it sways,
How it flows and bends,
Conflicted.
My mind,
Trying to find, work itself out.

Hurting,
Thinking,
My mind uncertain.
Questioning.

Caring,
Questioning.
My mind,
Seeing such hurt,
Wanting to help,
Questions, all plaguing my mind.
My mind, a plague on itself.

Trying,
But my mind it clouds,
It clouds all over.

But the confusion persists.
It continues.


Don’t feel bad, just thinking, just conflicted, seeing a friend open up into such pain and yeah. I don’t know. I want to help. In anyway I can. That’s what I do, the thing that’s the best thing to do, to help, to care, to try. Thinking.

Emotional Rollarcoaster

Today been thinking all day. Last night at a party a person a don’t know well but know said they fancied me, how I make them feel safe and asked why I was so kind. If I was kind to everyone normally, or when do I stop.

They said we were similar, she was so sweet. She opened up so much stuff to me. And I her. Not gonna lie, I’ve never felt so safe chatting to anyone else before. About even some of the darkest of stuff. Also I’m really sad thinking they’ve gone through and are going through some really rough stuff. I just wanna be there to help them whenever they need.

Stuff made sense, this has gotten me really conflicted and confused but really good.

I walked them home with a friend. Just to make them sure they got home safe. So confused. So very confused.