All I Will Do

All I will do,
All I can,
Will be.

I stand tall,
Knowing,
I stand tall trying,
To show kindness,
To show care,
To show understanding,
To show who I am.

To be in this world,
To be as me.
To set myself free.
To show it to me.

And I stand to be there,
To show love and care.
A goal of care,
For all those there,
To be a face of understanding.

To show my care I want.
Care for all.
It is in this life the choices we make,
Good, bad, ugly and horrible.
The beauty of a choice in life,
Beauty in the infinite timelines.
Beauty in reality and existence,
More beautiful than ever known.


Good but mixed, chatted to P a bit today, nice, as always. Saw her IG story, people she likes have been flirting tonnes recently when they had been ignoring her, I mean I think she’s conflicted. Does it hurt? Kinda. But for me so long as she finds happiness that’s what matters to me, whether with me or not. I care about her too much.
I care. I love.
Remember her saying, her ex on a night out saw her grab and rub my hand when she left me. Said he never got the same from her, that we seem very close. She seems in pain a bit, I wish I could help, so I offer to listen at least, even if she won’t say, I can listen to whatever wants to say.
I honestly love her, she said before last night at hers when she was high that she’s scared to get close to me for some reasons she said (I won’t say), but yeah, it hurt kinda, but I understand, and want to do anything to help, will wait, will be there.
But yeah. I’m honestly good, brought to tears of joy whenever I think of her, but also a bit mixed. I love her and want nothing more at all than for her to be happy. Nothing more. After than, my mood was brightened even more, she called me at 2am and we chatted until 3, it was perfect, about the past, all sorts of shit and it was perfect.
I am much better, anxiety much better, Autism much better everything much better, I think, she’s proven to me, what it was all along; having people who understand me and anxiety, and who care enough to care, to consider how I feel. She does, I see her try, don’t expect it but it makes it all better, as I try to do. She asked me if she could bring her ex somewhere we’re meeting and I was shocked, she didn’t have to ask, didn’t want her to ask, but after a panic attack a couple nights ago that I told her about she did wanting, just to put my mind at ease but she didn’t need to. She gave me the confidence to tell her about it and that was all I needed. In the past, conditioned not to be me, I’ve totally forgotten what this feeling is like, honestly, it’s always putting on a face for others’ as they can’t take mine. Only my best friends see this.
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