Hope from uncertainty,
Care from hope.
A will to try.
A will to be,
Living in being,
Being in waiting and making.
Love in time.
To be there.
The knives in my being,
From a me long in the past.
The scars burn,
But a new life,
Burns brighter within me.
A new light lighter. A rage to go on and forge ahead,
To find a path.
As the lights,
Go into peacefully,
I walk and walk I shall.
Walking into whatever I have.
But then again I wanna question,
What I thought as real,
Being. Feeling what was real,
As I thought.
But being, can hurt,
Itself, it can all hurt,
As you don’t see.
It can all break and shine.
As life, is life.
The question, to face the cliff and fly,
To see fly.
Just as we try,
We walk to that edge.
Just to hear that voice.
To be free.
When it’s easier to feel emptiness and pain.
Than the light you choose not to see shine.
The light, the soul, resides, bursting forth,
Nothing to let the anxiety through,
Battering past the overthinking, the fears, anxieties and worries.
I break free.
I was shown, that I can cut my own chains.
That I can, and they’d be with me.
My person can be better and purer and just me.
With it all, normal but happy.
I can control my anxiety.
I can take control.
Can stand talk and be, be perfect.
It’s all perfect in its imperfect perfection.
How it all started,
By some sunset,
The perfect time,
Nothing but and just us.
Beauty in living in a moment.
Lost in being.
As normalcy comes back,
Find our way back.
Back to our complicated world.
A memory remembered.
Kept and held, in memory.
As I lose the world, my own thoughts,
Drawn always back to you,
I’d give anything for you,
Everything I could to help,
To be with you,
To make you happy,
Valued, helped and all the greatest of times.
From a time, out of nowhere.
From normalcy pure bliss,
Oh how perfect.
Perfect to find life in but a single day.
To find it all.
By a complete surprise.
Surprise found in amongst it all,
To find, it now.
How it rushes past.
Now in memory,
But lived everyday.
In every, and all those smallest moments.
The times as they come.
They find and are perfection.
How they are pure bliss,
From utter normalcy.
Showing, a sign,
Of the beauty in all those everyday things,
Perfection from it all.
Perfection in the smallest of times.
Times that show, that grow and completely take over.
Changing my life for the better.
Changing me in all those ways I could not find before.
The ways it goes,
In those unexpected ways and times,
Bringing forth a strength, a power,
To be, make and claim life,
My life for my own.
Making me better, better at being me.
A beauty from being,
It is beauty, from living in the sunshine, light and life.
Saw my friend, a good friend, we chatted, about all sorts. Lots of different stuff. Lots. It was good, amazing. Asked them how they felt about me, they said they were unsure, they liked chatting and hanging out and that they had their own stuff to sort out. Fine by me, so do we all, some more than others. But I’m cool with that. I love helping and trying and caring so that’s no problem.
Lots of stuff recently has gone on.
Writing this the next night, a two-day written poem, two ideas, two different ideas, two days brightened by this purely amazing person. Today even better, much much better than yesterday, so so so much better! The same theme, care, love, waiting and caring, helping them to be stronger, or more accurately to show them how so strong they are. To show them they don’t have to be afraid to talk to me, to show me personal stuff. Just as they’ve showed me in return.
Amazing day, hanging out with them, talking, chatting, and messaging.
This person is amazing, unlike no other. Makes me feel like to other, makes me care like no other, worry like no other, be better like no other. Makes me feel like I can be myself like no other.
Again a different day, different time, but it doesn’t matter. It’s all a mix. Just a try. To step forth and fall.
All about that choice.
Was asked, if I wanted to go to watch sunset with this person. Haha. After their last exam. Nothing I’d love more. Nothing.
This poem. I’ll finally publish almost a week after its start. Each section a snapshot of me, my moods, changes, how I feel, how it changes and I’m showed, how I’ve been changed by them. 4 weeks and seeing one another everyday but 4. Amazing. Perfect. Not totally easy or without worry, but perfect in how it’s whole, good, bad, pure, kind, and amazing in its perfect imperfection. I’ve been changed, I’ve gotten confidence, they’ve showed me that I can, I’ve gotten better in everyway, for everything and I owe them. I had all of these things, but for so long I’ve not been shown that I could. So I hid. I hid. But finally I feel free. Feel better than I have in my whole life, my whole life. So many things have changed, my outlook for so many, my mood and happiness, better able to control my anxiety, to talk about it, to admit it to myself and her. It’s perfect. Even tonight, chatting on FB from early morning, and in the evening, chatting on the phone from 8:30pm till like 12:15am. Was good to chat, some deep, some funny, joking, teasing, looking each other’s past posts and all sorts of random stuff. We even said we’d get presents from each other’s homes. I now need to think of what to get. This call was perfect, sweet and bliss. I feel the luckiest person alive just to be able to see her.
This poem is random, but means the world to me, for what it means to me.