Song of a memory,
How the song shows,
The past, future and new.
How, why? It all.
I know. I see.
A glimpse of better than ever has been.
I need to know,
Need to see.
Where I can go.
What I need.
Having so far. Moved forward.
I could never in my life have seen.
A world of pain behind me,
Where it crushed me.
It tore my world down and broke me.
This song. Beauty found in a world.
Remember. Hold. Keep.
This song, of perfection. Of memory.
Been a rough day today, nice night out last night. Late to work, felt shit, it turned everything shit. Everything in totality. Everything just collapsed. Seemed all the progress I’ve made in the last 2 weeks just collapsed. It was horrible. Felt terrible. Everything just crushed everything else.
It changed suddenly, when I listened to my favourite song. I remembered some fond memories. It made everything a bit better, and from then I felt able to use my mindfulness I’ve been doing to keep the terrible thoughts away. And I felt I have made progress in the last week. I’ve had to rip so much apart to get better. I guess. Just so much. So many thoughts, ideas, things that haven’t changed since primary school. It’s been rough doing this. It’s been breaking.
I’ve needed it, and been finally motivated by something I’ve never even experienced before. Changed like I’ve never had before. I’ve probably needed it, losing university was a loss of purpose not studying. Losing most friends, so much that I do photography because it staves away loneliness, I don’t hang out with friends often, so when there’s a night out I have to go and have to bare the cost, on my health, lack of sleep, anything else, actually, this actually sums up my whole life. Only just realised I’ve always had no friends, a few close friends and never see anyone.
University has been the only time that’s changed, having friends you hung out with many days.
It’s hard. It’s always hard. I’m trying. But it’s just so hard. I try. I try. And many times want to give up.
But I’ve found meaning and a reason. At least, a reminder. It’s hard. But yeah.