Beauty In The Feeling

In this feeling,
Present in the moment,
A shining light,
Beauty, in the feeling,
The sad and happiness,
Beauty in being, in feeling.
Being swallowed whole,
Its individuality, collective experience,
A world experienced,
World on show,
World felt and getting to know.

An experience,
A memory,
The pain, hurt,
All just to make,
To share, feel and see.

Just to hold on.

As the world shines,
Radiant even when alone,
World as it shines.

Making it whole,
Making its worth.

As it goes,
To feel,
Experience,
A beauty in the feeling.


Writing this, feeling mixed, weird. Been watching a lot of YouTube videos about photography of all types and what I want to get more into. It’s been really weird, totally alone for Christmas, weird, but surprisingly okay, but also weird. Just feels like another day. I know it is only just another day, it’s people and societal constructions that make it ‘special’.

What’s got me amazingly happy, mixed and feeling, thinking, thinking of photography, my photography and philosophy of my photography; to capture a moment, it’s feeling, sight, memory and warmth. Just reminds me, the thing that made this Christmas really good, quite sad haha, the friend I wrote my last poem about, messaged me at like 3am on Christmas Day (time zone difference) and yeah, haha, were the first and probably only person really to wish me a happy Christmas and we chatted for a bit. Haha, feeling a little crazed happy, feeling, feeling and thinking.

Which leads me back to thinking of photography. Just the feeling it can produce. Thinking of my photography trip, seeing people together and some alone, kind people and showing kindness to random people I met, feeling of experience, being, a commonality of experience of humanity while also individuality. As humans, all problems and toils, individual as they may be, somewhat cathartic knowing you’re not the only one going through anything. Something I’ve been trying to help family members understand, somewhat validates and provides some small beauty, comfort, against the pain.

So mixed but happy, and deeply pondering I get distracted when writing. Will spend a while tonight deep in pondering.

The picture is one of my favourites, taken by chance, the person got in the way of the shot I wanted, but makes it infinitely better, and I’m so glad. This is the proof, to the beauty of being, feeling, capturing and also beauty in moments of pain. Even if it never feels like it at the time. Collective experience, being, individuality. But I guess I need to finalise this post or I could write for hours.

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Missing

Missing,
The time, the place,
All that time ago,
So much has changed and gone.

Always good to see,
Missing the time,
As the sun shines,

My eyes to capture the sight,
To live, in the moment, in time.
Here I am,
To see,
Witness.

To ponder,
To strive,
A world better,
All making,
In the making.

In the world so light,
To weather the storms,
To try,
Against the dark storm clouds,
Only to end up past.

To see,
To feel,
To make and be.

And as I recall,
Missing,
I remember,
I see,
And filling,
With joy,
As I remember,
So many times past,
So much fun,
And only onwards,
On into the future.

To make,
To be,
To live.

Better than before,
Stronger and free.
Missing,
But better,
And being.


Has a pondering day, good day of more photography. But, feeling, missing a friend of mine who’s on an amazing trip abroad and always cool when we chat, about our art, about random stuff. Thinking back. Feeling good.

Alive

Alive,
Here in feeling,
In presence,
Moments conversation,
Here I stand.

In existence,
Feeling meaning,
Feeling alive,
Exhilerated, excited,
A warmth I have rarely felt.
A kindness, on my soul,
A sense of care, interest.
Makes me stretch out,
In feeling,
Feeling alive.

In all existence.
Being at peace,
A never-finished process,
But these moments,
Let them not stop,
Let me not stop feeling.
And even without, let me not forget.

To remember, to feel,
To be alive.


Amazing day, did nothing much, but chat to a friend who’s across the globe away and we were chatting for ages, reminded me, and has made today totally amazing!

Small Things

Small things,
Small things in the dark,
Happy, insignificant yet true.
Nice but unexpected.

Wondrous, funny and sweet.
A moment,
A time,
A small occasion.

About those small things,
Easily taken for granted,
Those small things,
That lighten a day.
Those small things,
Always remembered,
From, to on and on.

About those small things,
Those funny times,
Those nice things.

Those.
Really small things.

Light, For The Setting of the Dark

Light,
As it comes,
For the setting of the night,
The darkest skies,
Lit up, before my eyes.

Opened wide,
Radiance and kindness alike.

Remembering,
Feeling,

A beauty of the world.
Through its radiant shine,

Remembering the bright,
It all,
In place,
Flowing into the night.
Mixed thoughts,
Memories kept.
Reminding, remembering.

Never to forget.

As for, the light,
Remembering the times,
With the light flowing, into the night.


Writing this, spent a relaxing night, watching my favourite tv show, The Walking Dead, was an emotional rollercoaster. Now thinking, of a dear friend haha. Also did more photography today, not much, wasn’t good weather, but a little.

Still There

Still there,
A reminder of those times,
A time of life,
Remembering those memories,
As the feelings of euphoria have faded into time,
Fades but remembering the bliss,
In such a silly, casual moment,

Memories,
Even from afar,
Small moments,
Of abnormal normalcy,
Sweet,
Reminders,
Message goodnight,
Up late chatting,
Remembered in the time.

Hoping for the best,
A time of life,
Times being,
Yet not pretending,
Even with nervousness.

The beauty of the landscape,
The night sky before me.
As the day comes yet again.

The pull of beauty in the landscape,
A reminder,
Finding,
Losing oneself in it all.

In it all,
Worth another step,
The journey on.

Still there,
In those memories and reminders,
A future brighter,
Casual normalcy,

Moments lost,
In a new place,
Brought to,
By beauty,
And the time.
Of all those times,
The moments.

Uplifting and life-bringing.
Letting me be,

In casual normality,
I write, I capture,
Content.

The Calling

The calling,
The feeling,
Living in the day and the night.

Remembering and holding on.
All the calls,
Within the night,

As it all goes,
Hope,
Brought from within memory.

A call back,
Into the once light shine.

As this light goes.
Fueled from within,
Through the light and memory.
Hopes, through uncertainty.

Memories clear and bright as the day.
As with those sweetest memories,
To stay and keep,
To keep for and from another day.

A.
Reminder of another bright day.
Another time,
Another place,
Another feeling.
Giving me feeling in place,
Another light burning bright.

The light of another time.
Through and into calling.
Light, shining bright.

A fire to let me go on.
Hope and light,
To call me out of darkness.
Hope for light.

Calling for light, life and for another time.


Writing this, thinking, of the good thought, the good memory, of my friend who’s gone abroad, having an amazing time and the memories of those many but all too few times. Messaging late at night, all those times. Waiting for their bus with them, chatting, laughing, hanging out, nerding over our passions and past-times. Giving me some hope.

Defiant Rage

Defiant rage,
Raging out,
Defiant against the pain.

Holding on those good memories,
That warm against the fade.
Bringing with it a hold,
A grasp,
Onto reality.
Thinking, remembering.

Defiant against the pain and the haters.
To rip out the pain.
Violently I shake myself back into existence.

To remember, to feel.
Raging to feel alive,
As it burns against my skin.
Gritting my teeth.
Just to feel alive.

Bringing myself out of the pain,
Through the burning flames of the mind.

Letting the flames wrap around.
Creativity and life,
Burning deep.
Burning deep inside.

A defiant rage.
To feel,
See,
Breaking out,
Breaking apart,
To feel.

To make,
Whole.
Breaking off the past.

Remnants from a wretched existence.

Breaking free to find.
To be free.

Let it all out into the night.
Memories of that last moment,
Dark but also with its own shine.

Breaking free,
Finally,
As I remember all those sweet times,
Slight reminders,
Reminders,
Bringing me back to life.

Holding on,
To the only bright light,
That I can find,
From those depths of despair.

Passion,
Care,
At home.
Finding those moments,
Free,
Better,
Alive.

Bringing,
Bringing hope out,
Alive.

From those times,
Gone but for a little while,
But bringing life.
To feel alive again.
Reminders,
Kind, sweet, at home, and alive.
Reminder away from the pain.

The times,
Those times, those nights.
Nothing, but everything,
Everything all the same.


Feeling better, angry at the pain endured, continued, hurt but defiant all the same. Defiant to wretched pain wrought.

Defiant, but happy, remembering good memories, kindness given over a long time of being in pain. A time where I could merely be myself, open up, be nerdy and not judged. Help and in doing, also be helped. Without any intention to be helped. Kind times, just really good and nice and giving hope for the future.

Being

Being,

In total significance and insignificance.

Being in place,
In time and being,
Remembering the time,
Being in the moment.


More and more. Better and better. Wanting to be better and better. But the best thing, not feeling judged, ridiculed, or made fun of or made to feel insecure.

Thinking of a casual night, in the past. Where although sad in its finality for the moment. It was good to feel at home, in being, existing without another’s constant judgement.

A moment that I am and will be eternally grateful for, in its mere moment of insignificance and total significance.

Sun Shining Bright

Sun shining bright,
In the day light,
Looking for the bright day.
As the sun shines overhead.

The time in the moment.

The time to be.
Brightness to come.
A reminder to be.
Reminder of those sweet times,
The good times.

As the wind blows.

The time in the moment.

Kind and sweet in the moment.
With a reminder of those good times


Currently on a walk. Got more to walk. A reminder, thinking of my friend who’s gone away to Japan. Hearing from them always brightens my day. Seeing pictures of their time, reminders of the times we spent together. Amazing times, sweet times. Messaging as I walk them to the bus stop and we message while they get home and I walk home. Just thinking. Living, loving, always just so good. And grateful for the amazing times past.