My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Left Alone

Left alone,

That’s how it goes,

First to start,

Last to stop.

Left alone and predicted this,

That’s the way it goes.

The inevitable end.

The continuous path,

Expected and to be expected.

Left down, like a person with nothing left.

And loving it.

The rage and realisation.

The life and the longing.

The buildup and expectations.

The waiting and expectation.

Going on alone, as I know I must go.

The ongoing movement through time.

This onward treading.

The way it goes, and the way it must.

Ready for the shit that comes, as it always will.

No me gusta.

But that is life, the one I live.

The one I’ve been given.

The one I have and have to make.

The way I live, the way I go.

The good turning chaotic,

The way going blank.

The path turning off.

The way fading to black.

Living in the darkness and making it my own.

Owning the life that I lead.

Holding on tight to the war inside my mind.

Facing my firing squad.

Smiling in the face of it all,

In the face of the darkness and the pain.

Spitting in the face of death and darkness.

Making it mine,

Commanding it to my will and presence.

My will, it will become mine.

The path I must take,

Alone and smile.

The lonely road I walk.

To spit in the face of it all.

To face my fate,

To face my demons.

Spit in the face of it all.

The sinner of the world,

Of the darkness and the pain.

The path I walk.

The way I move.

The way I drift back and forth,

Drift off into the darkness,

Into my life eternal,

The eternal pain, ongoing and suffering.

To walk on and out,

Off into darkness.

On and off I go,

Moving on into the night.

Into the life that awaits.

This darkness I delve into,

Fight,

Rage,

Win.

Taking the pain,

Making it my own,

Making it mine.

Holding on in and through the rage.

Loving it with life as my witness.

Cutting the chord.

Stringing myself up in this life.

Loving ever second.

This rage and love,

Happiness and courage.

Weakness and strength.

Left alone, waking to my destination. The noose of the depths of the ocean.

And on I continue, left alone to my inevitable path.

Just Want To Forget.

Just want to forget,

To erase my mind,

To go on living,

As I try to make something of myself,

Get myself out of the dark ocean.

To set sail out into my world of my own.

To forget the darkness of the past,

The times to be forgotten.

To make my escape.

To start anew,

My new self, a new life.

The end of me.

Just wanting to forget, so I can escape.

Just want to forget.

Rather Not

Would rather not.

Rather not remember or know,

Trying to build a facade, to cope, to forget.

To erase from my mind the pain.

To get rid of the feeling, the memories.

To erase a pain, still so raw.

A pain ever-present,
Only merely tucked away,
Only merely hidden and put out of mind.
Only left,
A festering wound,
A corrupting influence.

Ripping into my mind,
Into my soul,
Hurting and pained.

The drops by my side.

The pain and the flinching.

Left out, in the open,

Hurting.

Dying in the open field.

Left. Lying, wounded. Dying.

I would rather not.

A world of keys, codes, my mind and torture.
Another day in the life of my mind.

Another day, waiting, for it to end.

To forget, so I can live.

To erase my mind,
To go on.

I would rather not.

Rather not remember.
Rather not be reminded.
Rather not be hurt.

Claim It All

Claim it all,

The day, along with the darkness of night.

The times once past.

The times gone cold.

The thoughts and the darkness.

Mine to claim, make my own.

To claim it all in the swirling tornado.

As the day shines,
The night coming.
The darkness looming clear.

Thrown off,
Thrown out.
To be made out and found.

As time numbing living makes clear.
The time freezes.
The temperature goes cold.
The night sky lights bright.

Left in a world gone cold,
Gone fake and empty.
Claiming it all,
My piece, my home.

Waiting. Watching. Thinking.

Listening as the birdsong fades.
The feeling sapped,
The questions rage.
The questions of life.

Left thinking.
Claiming them as my own.
My own.

The endless existence.
The wondering.
The night comes.
The emptiness looms,
With no path. No answer.

I claim it all.

As it claims me.

Remembering The Times

Remembering the times,

Those good days,

Always a place in my mind.

The thinking, memories and the times.

Left in the feeling.

Of those good times.

The memories and places once been.

The memories and thoughts,

An ever-present reminder.

Living in the present,

Waiting for the times ahead,

Remembering those good times gone past.

A collection of memories,

A life, all on shown before me, of me.

A pleasant reminder,

Remembering the times.

Better To Forget

Better to forget,

For the feeling,

The pain caused, within my own mind. The place being.

The times made, times caused,

Times to forget and let go.

Let go and let be.

To be and go on.

To pick up the pieces and to move on.

To go on and find my place.

To find and to make the worth it.

To solidify and make whole.

To live in the being,

To make it worth it while whole.

While I haven’t faded to dust.

It is better to forget and let it fade to dust.

To let it go and be fine.

But it never is.

Never is worth remembering.

The feeling the pain, the being.

Out In The Sun

Out in the sun,

Warmth on my skin,

Light all around,

A cool drink in hand.

The warm summer sun,

All good, all content.

Outside and living life,

Using the summer sun,

The endless warmth.

The cool breeze.

That summer sun and all it provides,

Out in the sun.

Another day, another time.

Another warm day out in the sun.

From the day’s sun till the dead of night.

Out in the warm summer sun.

Silent Peace

That silent peace,

The times gone cold,

The waiting for warmth,

Peaceful, yet empty.
Empty yet alone.
Waiting yet unsure.

In a state of limbo,
So cold,
Waiting… unsure.

Sitting in silence wanting meaning.
Looking for an escape.

Wanting productivity.

Having an aim.

All in the balance,

Waiting to be.

Here I am, waiting, in silent peace of what may be.
Waiting to be.
Continuing on as I mean to be.

Waiting in this silent peace.
For what I want to be.
I know the way,
I know what I must,
The path is closed off from me,
Left in silent peace.