Fragile Fleeting Moments

Fragile moments,
Tenuous in the moment,
Also strong,
Beautiful in their fleeting existence.

The fleeting, most beautiful,
A reminder of impermanence.
A reminder.
Of those fragile fleeting moments.

A precious moment in time.

Fleeting,
Valued before their loss.
Remembered in the after.

Hoping the precious moments,
Do not end prematurely.

Those fragile fleeting moments.

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Last Good Moment

A last good moment,
Savouring every second of bliss,
The care,
The feeling.

Always hoping for your best,
And in so doing,
Showing mine.

The care,
A last good moment,
Good night,
Seeing you smile,
Lighting up my world.

Cherishing this last good moment.
In my memory.
A beautiful moment,
Many, beautiful moments.

Cherished.
Loved.
Remembered.
Kept.
Beautiful.

Kept.
Along with all those smallest moments.
The small chats,
Sweetest moments.

Some of the best memories,
I have ever made.
Some of the best moments,
I have had the pleasure of living.

Moments that will be missed.
Moments, of everything.
The last good moment.


Written. Night of the 7th December. Leaving to publish later. To see if I can, continue with more than just a memory.

Published night of the 10th, thinking, wondering, more poems for tonight, to ask and try to answer, where am I, what do I feel, what I want to do, what I should do and what do I need to do. With my closest friends saying one thing- my mind too, and my heart telling me the other.

A Goodbye I Am Reluctant to Say

A goodbye I am reluctant to say.
A goodbye, I knew may come,
But never wanted to,
Always put off.

The pain of letting go,
Someone you care about,
Someone whose happiness makes you’re day all that better.

Someone to talk with,
Laugh with.
And smile with.

But what if it’s all based on a lie?
A lie I tell,
To put aside the pain,
For a time.

I never want to hurt you.
That’s the last thing I want.
Maybe I should have said goodbye sooner,
The goodbye I am reluctant to say.
To spare you pain.
Or maybe you will feel none,
I surely hope you don’t.
No matter what I end up feeling.

A care, once given,
Always present,
But only can be from afar.

I care, always do, no matter what I show,
But hating, is the best way to shield from the pain.
The pain of caring.

I feel clear,
Yet also conflicted,
Thinking back the night,
The times all these years,
Remembering all the smallest details,
Just thinking of you.

I must say goodbye,
One I am reluctant to say.
Have always been reluctant to say.
My feelings,
They hurt me so.
While you don’t feel the same.

I understand,
But please leave me to heal,
Let me leave.
Let me live.

This is heartbreaking to say,
And as I type, reluctant.
Thinking of the memories,
Staying,
But the feelings slowly erasing.
I only feel sad.
Sad for my loss.
Loss of a friend,
Loss of a person I care about.

But as you’ve said.
Sometimes you have to let go,
To collect,
To heal,
To move on and be better.

That is what I have to do.
I’ve known for a while.

I have been better than before,
But the feelings won’t fade,
While I’m still around you.
I’ve known that since the start.

You’ll never know how much I cared,
How much I care.
I cannot explain with language.

But no matter,
I must go.
A goodbye, I am ever-so reluctant to say.
That committing the words is difficult.

Never wanting this poem to end.
Never wanting this goodbye to be said.

But seeing no other option.
All my closest friends telling me to get out.
Caring as though they are,
They don’t understand.

The main reason,
For this goodbye I am reluctant to say.
For you to be better,
To be unburdened by pain,
Pain that will come,
Sooner or later.
From my caring heart,
Too big for a single person to hold, but I do.
Wanting you.

To have the best.
Be the best.
And I fear deeply, that this means goodbye.

The goodbye. I am most reluctant to say.


Writing, with thanks to a few close friends, helping me to see what I should have. Helping me out when I needed it.

I had an amazing night with rough parts, sorry to say goodbye. Sorry for that. I always give my best and forget to make myself okay, always putting another first. For if you care about someone, that’s what you do, for a time. But this is totally like that. It is good most of the times, amazing even, but others, it breaks me apart. Even if these feelings are almost all good, I’m sick of lies, sick of trying to convince myself of hope or a lie I do not truly believe but want to.

My favourite quote ever, made by myself, before, thinking of the same person, paraphrasing, it goes like “I would face my demons, just so I could help you face yours”. This holds true. This holds true. But I have come to realise, with this one-way feeling, that I cannot face my demons, without saying goodbye to you, but I’ll always be hoping you face yours and win. Hoping you succeed. Will always be a call away in your time of darkest need. As, I always care, I always will.

Thinking of the singing tonight, the small things you said, how you do not care like I do. That’s fine. But I must get out.
I have deleted the poems written tonight in pain,
Instead to write true from my heart and mind.

Only sad to see it end,
Sad to see it end on this note.
Only hoping for your best.

I can write for hours and not say what I truly feel, what I truly want to say.
But I try.

I have been better recently, so much so, even if my poetry tonight and recently do not show. But, this is why I know I do need to leave. Do need to say goodbye. To avoid a dark place. As I come to realise, you do not care about me like I do you. I don’t have any blame to give. But I need to, find space to live.

I have a christmas present I still want to give, a small something, not about me, or us, but you. Something I hope you’d let me. But I guess that’s to be seen, or not.

Wishing you, the very best, something I know you can and will succeed.
I’m only saddened by the times, to be lost, past and future.
Saddened that I cannot be there to witness, your success.

Even after publishing I do not know if I really want to say this.
But you deserve the truth.
I hope to ever bone not to cause you any pain.
I’d rather anything and everything else.

But in the end,
I guess this is what makes this,
A goodbye I am so reluctant to say.

Written. Night of the 7th December. Leaving to publish later. To see if I can carry on without the saddest goodbye. I do not want to say.

Published, night of the 10th December, a record of how I felt. With recent happenings, chats, amazing times making it all complicated. But also amazing.

Hurting Questions

As I sit thinking.
Grand piano playing,
Mind thinking and whirring.

Pondering and thinking,
Through these hurtful questions.
Wonderings.
Overthinkings,
But trying to stay afloat,
But it grasps at my mind.
A question.

One hurting,
One unknown,
One unsure.
A question,
Shrouded in uncertainty,
Faking hope.

Trying to carry on.
As I sit here thinking.
Sit here hoping.
Sit here trying not to think.

Thinking through these hurtful questions.

Ponderings On Feeling

Feelings,
A thin and fragile thread.
One felt and true.

A wondering thing,
Mapping out a path,
Ending up somewhere new,
Yet also familiar.

A fragile thread,
Beautiful in its own right,
Its own shining light.

A thread, linking past and present.
Through the new ‘you’,
From the old,
On into an unknown future,
One of ‘you’.

Uncertainty abound,
A new path waiting…
Waiting to be found.

A moving and shifting space,
Tenuous at times,
Unbreakable at others,
But all nonetheless, ‘you’.

The pains, troubles, breaks and strains.
Play this string,
Add to its story.

The amazing times, bliss and beauty,
Also playing their own unique tune.

A melody of this fragile string.
A unique tune,
Forming of a unique song.
One of you,
Nevertheless true.

Many parts to a whole,
An encapsulation,
A beautiful song.

Navigating, the shrouded maps of our minds,
Along.
Our thread of feelings.


Feeling much better, after a touching inaugural lecture, got me thinking. I’m good, I’m okay, it’s just been a long tiring day…

I’m pondering feelings, of all their types. To make a complete whole.

My rapid changes of mood, make it hard. Hard to understand for me and others.

Makes it hard, makes me sad, but also just accepting me. It’s hard as no one understands. Even looking at my Moodtrack, it’s been happy, consistent but not lacking occasional fluctuations.

I’m finally happy, finally me, something I’m grateful for, grateful for finding.

Thanks to all my closest friends, R and L to name a few, and especially one, who I cannot thank enough, helping me out of my past darkness and then bringing me back a light.

We all have difficulties and troubles, good times and bad. But we can make it through,

Navigating the shrouded maps of our minds and our realities.

Too Much Care

The moment I realise my lie,
Caring too much,
Caring more than I can say.
It being unwanted?
Perhaps.

Caring alone.
Thinking of my past mistakes.
The mistake of me,
Putting in too much care.

Not realising before,

That it wasn’t wanted.

Something I tried not to see.
Because it hurt.
Thinking,
Is it worth it.

Caring when it isn’t wanted.


Overthinking, the past and present, what I should do. Just thinking . Especially when I cannot help.

Don’t worry, it’ll pass, this overthinking. As it always does.

Words of the Past

A little thread,
Moment gone true,
Out from the dark past,
A reminder, of what has made me… me.

Hurt, feeling to the core.
Formative poem,
Through and into the pain.

A reminder of the words of the past.

I wrong done.
A sin of my past,
Crime to another.

Reminder of a bad place long gone.
The reminder of how far I’ve come.

The words of the past,
Long gone,
Reminding of what has gone past.

Words of the past,
Feelings felt,
Emotional swirl.

Oh how things change.
But the words of the past?
Unchanging.
But in the past.

Left to rest,
In the setting dust of time.

The bright light over the horizon,
My path in my making.
The words of the past,
Remembered,
Reminded,
Left,
Left behind,
Into the receding night behind me.

As I move on into the light.

Leaving the words of the past behind me.


A little reminder, for me if noone else, my storyesque poems are more abstract, based in truth and abstract, about feelings, thoughts, hopes, pasts, darkness and light. This category I make to show what I’m thinking on but not feeling in the moment. An exercise in empathy, of others, made up scenarios or myself or even a past self.

Read some rough messages from the past, was feeling really really good, felt too good. I still am really good. Like the last poem. Had an idea for a storyesque poem, reaching deep into a dark past.

That’s not always a bad thing, reminding yourself of a dark past, it puts things into perspective, shows you how far you have come and how far you can still go.

I’m not feeling sad at all, I’m amazingly happy right now. Totally that I cannot even explain. Totally happy.

Hence the only reason I can reach back and see into the past and stay just as happy as I am.

Honestly can’t believe and don’t know how I have come so far, found true happiness, like I’ve never felt before.