The Lonely Silence Of The Dark

Lonely silence of the dark,
The dark days gone past,
Those yet to come,

Waiting for those light days, the ones to look forward to.
To hope for,
To live for.

When the darkness of the night is all around,
With silence as the figure lurking in the dark.
The depths of night.
An impenetrable shroud;
Thick, dark, all-consuming.
Suffocating at a touch.

The feeling of life,
The memories returning,
But only for a time.
The deep sadness,
To accompany the lonely silence of the dark.

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Out Of Mind

Out of mind,
I hide the feelings,
Scared of where they could take me,
Offered care and kindness.

Trying to keep the pain out of my mind.
To keep in the happiness,
A game of pretend,
To ignore my mind and emotions.
The pain that comes with darkness.
The shining light, that echoes in the darkness.

The mind, clouded with worry, sadness and uncertainty.
Trying to push all feelings out of mind.
Trying to save myself from my demons.

An attempt to hold strong against the dark.
To keep the leeches at bay.
To wipe my mind,
To save the body.

Out of mind is the answer,
Or it must be,
The solution I face,
Only way past it.

Out of mind.
To cope, to save me.

Rift

Rift running deep,
Evicerated by the thoughts.
Turmoil of emotiness,
The rage in the quiet.

The silent darkness,
Walking through the dark alone,
The darkness my home.
Defiant and strong.
The rage my instrument

Thinking of time.
Confined to the mind.
Emptying out my pain.
Filling it with rage,
Turning it empty.

Myself, a dark night,
Dimly lamp-lit.
A figure stabdibg on the corner.

Silently watching,
Everything let go.
The darkness, the silence and emptiness all a familiar friend.

Friends unfamiliar,
Living without seeing.
Unable to help regardless.

A confusing state,
This rift.
Rift of mind,
Rift of sight,
Of being and of thinking.

Left to the black emptiness.
Somehow tricking myself into and out of feeling.

An emptiness without sadness,
Without happiness.
Mere being.

Sad words to others,
For me, a state i understand,
A state i cannot feel,
This rift within me.

Peace Of The Night

Peace of the night,
Listening to music,
Those sad and happy songs,

The peaceful kind light in the night.
The all-encompassing,
The gentle night.
Peace to be found,
In the life and emptiness,
The peacefulness.

The kind emptiness of night.
Peaceful and reminding me of the light of day to come.

Here sitting in night,
In peace within my mind.
Thinking, pondering the world.
Tears running down my cheeks.
Tears of happiness,

Of the peace of night.

Wandering

Strolls around the country,

The unsatiated question,

The sad question,

A wondering of confusion,

The question I find in myself.

A feeling of displacement.

Wandering on

Wandering around.

Thinking on and on.

As I sit here wondering, thinking.

My thoughts running,

Yet also still.

Wandering and wandering on.

Through This Feeling

Through the feeling,

The good, bad and hurt,

All the emotions of life,

A tinge unfeeling.

Through this feeling.

An emptiness,

A feeling of lack, of less.

Beyond my explanation.

Even through this feeling,

All my feelings.

Come the lack.

Here I stand,

Unable to understand,

How feelings,

Strong feelings.

Can be accompanied by an emptiness.

A song comes on,

With all its associated feelings,

Dancing with happiness,

Crying with sadness,

Yet I still feel empty.

A confusing dichotomy.

The feeling with the lack.

Unable to fix,

Unable to understand.

Through this feeling,

My mind takes me.

Takes its toll on me.

Unable to explain.

This incomprehension,

Hurting along with the pain, sadness, anger and happiness.

Emotions running through my veins,

My heart and my mind.

All-consuming,

In their raw ferocity.

Yet a lack, an emptiness comes along with.

Oncoming

On comes the path ahead,

A new day,

Thoughts spiralling,

The time to come.

Sitting on a bench,

Thinking about it all.

Thinking, living,

Better than before,

But feeling only a part,

Waiting and wondering.

What happened to it all,

Where did it go?

What happened to get here.

What next?

In the oncoming.

In the place I find myself.

Sitting, waiting, wondering.

Of all the things gone past.

Of all the times gone,

Flown, out of my grasp.

Leaving nothing left.

But memories.

Memories, but with empty substance.

Gone at a chance.

Left without.

I sit here,

Left on a bench.

Wondering and waiting.

Only left is the oncoming.

Looking Back Fondly

Looking back fondly,
The memories and moments once shared.
Time has passed.
Things have changed.
Looking back fondly.

Circumstances have changed,
Now is not the same,
Not alike.
I miss the past,
The time spent,
Our conversations,
What we shared.
Looking fondly back.

Maybe all an illusion.
The inevitable death that time brings.
I cannot tell.
Was it all a lie?
It all for nothing?
Was it something.
I cannot tell.
Looking fondly back.

Memories, photos and feelings,
All to remind me,
Of what I found.
What you showed me.
How I tried to help.
Looking fondly back.

Looking fondly back,
I look on through my mind’s eye,
A tear running down,
Remembering the time found and lost.
Missed, left and dying.
Like I am inside.
Making of life,
To have it ripped from my chest.
I look fondly back,
Always will,
Remembering and happy-sad.
Looking fondly back.

Empty of Emotion

Empty of emotions,

Thrown out,

Killing all that feels inside.

Heart breaking,

But the only way to cope,

Broken in feeling and mind.

Thrown off from all that is known.

Thrown from a train.

Down to the pit.

I fall to be crushed.

I take this willingly.

To show the love I feel.

Trying to do my best.

Work my hardest,

To build the world around me with care..

To empty myself of emotion.

Break myself apart,

RIP the meaning away.

Leaving myself alone, hurt and afraid.

Stumbling for nothing, looking for anything !!

The Happy Tear

Happy tear rolling down my face,

A smile alongside the sadness.

My knowledge of the times.

The way it cannot be.

The estrangement,

Away and apart.

Gone and not around.

How I want to be with you.

The happy tear,

Running down my face,

Seeing you happy,

Seeing all those good moments you’re making.

Those times we shared.

Gone before I got to know you.

Ended and final.

Before I realised.

Before I realised.

It was gone.

It was gone before I knew. Before what was lost.

All the thoughts, hopes and ideas.

All turned to dust before my eyes.

The gravity hits me on high.

Rips me open and throws me aside.

The happy tears fall,

Breaking me apart from the inside,

As I smile happy,

Dying inside.

Broken and made at the same time.

Thrown from everything I have ever known.

Lost in the turmoil.

Thrown from comfort and care,

Ground to dust.

The last scene.

Your happiness,

As in my sadness a happy tear runs down my face.

The happy tear runs down.