The Day My Life Changed

The day,

Sharing in a normal day,
Losing track of all the time.
One thing to the next,
The ebbs and flows of the river.
The beauty of a simple time,

A beautiful day,
The one that changed.
It changed me.
In little to no time.

A sweet time.
As the sun shines,
The birds sing and the world seems brighter.

So nice,
Casual living,
Living and being.
Being… in the moment and free.

So thankful, for the beautiful time,
The time, the day that changed me.

Feeling amazing, everything is good, everything is perfect. Met a friend, for a casual day taking photos on Tuesday, then we chatted so much instead of any photos. Later met at a bar which again was amazing. Chatting for like 4 hours. Met them everyday since but one for like a week. Thursday, we met up for a house party before going out clubbing. So much. So good. Friday she met me after I finished work, we met up for some food, and then chilled on some grass chatting and playing around before staying over at their’s. Saturday we chilled for a bit before getting ready for a DnB night out, such an amazing night. So amazing. So amazing. And even today, Sunday, I met them before their shift to see them, chat as they didn’t feel well, and it was all cool.

This week,
Has honestly been the best one ever.
Nothing bad has happened. Longest time without anxiety, without any negative feelings, maybe the occasional, but then remembering this week, what’s happened, it just makes the negative feelings just float away. They care, and I care about them more than anyone else. It’s amazing.

Everything’s just pure, casual, amazing and being is perfect.

Being In Moment

Being in the moment,
Living in the time,
Nothing else mattering,
Looking at this vista,
Taking in all the sights that are before me.

As I see the patterns,
The beauty in all the shapes of being.
Out there and I see,
I see and it makes me,
Made by me,
Again acting in turn,
Bringing me to find a way,
Allowing me,
To find my own.

All in this moment,
The sweet song sings.
Nothing to fade this feeling.
I can grasp onto,
Never letting go,
Because I can make it through,
Because I will make it through,
Make it my own.
Bringing forth my light.
Finally can put my demons to rest,
Never gone, but enough to hide them and starve them out of me.

Oh how this time passes.
All the songs singing,
As the times all go,
And I, through them, all the way.

Had the most amazing day, relatively uneventful until messaging on Snapchat. Just amazing, lots of random I significant stuff but apparently not so much, had made me feel so high, enough to erase or push back any hardships for like over a month. Never have I ever been happy like this, let alone for this long, or resilience to anything. To be honest, it’s hard to be confident or resilient if “the truth” is shown contrary, but I’ve been shown another side, one that’s brought, and I’ll bring with it.

I Feel… Overwhelming

I feel, overwhelming,

Such joy and happy-sadness.
Overwhelming in all being,
Being and living.
Glad in the smallest moments,
Calm, confident sweet and free.
Free, caring and being truly me,
After so long,
Living in a façade,
Hiding because I had to,
Felt I had to.

But yeah,
Existing but feeling,
A part of the world,
Caring and being cared about.

A smile to make my heart melt,
Small moments that last forever,
But also feel gone too soon.

Feeling okay,
Okay to show,
To stand tall,
Tall and proud,
Of who I am,
Who I can be,
Can be okay,
Can show who I truly am.

A warmth in life,
One I’ve never known.
So small in those moments,
But those smallest moments…
So beautiful,
Making this world shine bright.

Proud to stand tall,
For all I’ve done and want to do.
Through my art,
To capture and show.
A message of beauty for all to see,
All in wherever you look,
To find the beauty when the eye beholds,
To make, see and find.
To be the holder of your own path.
To forge a way through.
To make it all work out.
No matter the odds.

Just needing to remember the gold,
To keep hold.

The post I made last, was a rough morning but it was all turned around, it was my anxiety, but it was all turned around on that shift at work by a friend I chatted to tonnes, chatted to tonight. Has been the reason for being confident and happiest recently.

Lots of stuff, also tonight I’ve finished binge watching Game of Thrones to this point, very emotional and thinking of my friend. Just happy, emotional, thinking and happy-sad. A happiness with a tinge of sadness, thinking about the future about the past, about very small things. Feeling so very very happy, content. Not everything in life is perfect, but it feels so that it is. Just thinking, just happy. Happy and emotional that it feels slightly overwhelming, very overwhelming.

Even just writing this has made me feel a whole lot better, a world better. I’ve been so good recently, unbelievable, I know the cause, know why, know what started all of this off.

Lost For Words

Lost for words
Beautiful moment.
A crystal, so much and little.
A world, inside the shard.

Casual perfection,
Precious moment,
Shared, experiencial,
A moment finite and gone.

Am lot for words,
In this moment,
Mind a blur,
Thoughts running amok.

It all.
Fleeting and perfect. It all,
The place.
It all,
That smile,
So casual,
The laughs.

Perfect, words lost me. Perfect. Aoboutely perfect. Amazing time at my friend’s house for dinner and I brought dessert, a movie, deep and varied chats. Perfect in its totality. A night to remember.

Little Meet

That little meet,
The time,
So full, kind,
All those places and times,
Of it all.

The little goodbye,
Parting ways for a short time.
This care, felt, showed and given.
The sharing of those moments,
Of all those times past.

These days so busy and not.
Mind in another place,
But pulled back,
To those times.
To the new in wait.

Short and sweet.
The little meet.

Short and sweet,
Little moment shared.
Those moments relived, together.
The past, feelings,
All encompassed,
Encapsulated, a photo, reminder.

All in time.
Forging a path through it all.
A moment,
Significant in its insignificant time.
Insignificant, but also the making,
Of it,
So significant.

Sweet short time,
That little time,
The messages, lasting past the time.
Shared together,
To make sure the okay.
To bring forth another bright day,
Another nice time,
For the little meet to come.

Not written much in the last few days, or so it seems to me. Been really busy with work which is all going well. These night meets, many, all nice, kind, casual but so meaningful, what is shared. Beautiful times.

Different Perfect Time

Such a time,
One different,
One so perfect.

In its time.
Wonderful beauty.
Such majestic bliss,
Unending in heart.

Bringing back the world.
The beauty of this world.
The flames raging bright.

In this different perfect time.
This night raging with determination.
Of will for all in my life.
This raging light.

A path forming clear.
One step by step.
The whole coming into place.

From this different perfect time.

Had another perfect day, hung out with my friend, another perfect time, singing, dancing, laughing and totally crazy now I think about it.

Got a lot to do with my essays but raging in my heart with sheer determination.

Crazy times, singing and not being afraid, being there with and encouraged, kind, included, taught, sharif interests and it is fully amazing! 😊

Peaceful Yet Surreal

Peaceful yet surreal,
A moment still unreal, yet lived.
Can’t believe but remembered.
In the past but cannot comprehend.

This time,
A moment not expected.

A walk back,
My mind racing, yet also numb.

At this moment,

That I cannot believe my eyes.
A peace, kindness, worry, but beauty I have ever known.
A time, so pure, kind.
At peace.

The world’s form,
Motivation in being.

All peaceful, while surreal.
Still unbelievable before my eyes.

In this, it is peaceful, yet surreal.

Amazing day, started really rough, but ended phenomenally. The start was rough, disillusioned, sick and tired of things. Did all the normal routine, helping a friend and they asked me if I wanted to hang out with them. Been wondering for a while, funny, I finally gave up and stopped. It was totally amazing beyond any imagining on my part. Chatted about everything, was good to chat and we taught each other things and shared stories, embarrassing photos and it was all totally amazing. A day to remember, a good one, a nice simple time, to remember to the end of mine. ❤️

Just What Matters

Just what matters,
In the most casual moments,
Those sweetest times,
Gone before known,

Nicest times,
Times that are,
Just what matters.

Stuck in place,
Stuck in time.
A good place,
Worried about losing.
Just what matters.

These smallest things,
No one ever understands,
Thinking round and round.
Just what matters,
The feeling,
A mutuality.

Simplest moment,
Without requirement,
Nothing needed,
So nice.

Thoughts swirling around me,
Taking turns to rip at me,
Through this good feeling.
Intertwined with the bad;
The worries, for the end,
Finite reality.

Just wanting,
Caring, for just what matters.
Who cares,
The times too infrequent,
Making up, in simplest perfection.
Oh the worries, thoughts,
It’s about just what matters.

Had an amazing time with close friends, many I haven’t seen in a long while last night. Unusual mood right now, thinking of stuff that has just happened.

Wondering, thinking, my mind bringing discomfort, always thinking. Showing me every scenario, like before a decision when you take half an hour to think of as many scenarios and outcomes as possible and weighing them all up.

Making it exhausting, to merely think, to be, to ponder. I’m feeling amazing, but that’s the thing. Being amazing, with this overthinking, always carries so much baggage. The philosophical thoughts on existence, life, the best piece of advice, from my favourite television show, Rick and Morty, “just don’t think about it”. Isn’t always helpful, not thinking, can often be equated with not living. Then there’s again the crossroads, the ones I mentioned before, choosing being alive or being happy.

I honestly am happy, but. Things. Overthinking, feeling way too happy. The amazing things, amazing people, just what matters, mean everything. Then all the thinking matters, it makes it matter, and throws everything into deep thought and contemplation.

Sad Contentment

Sad contentment,
The realisation.
A sad goodbye.

Realising the pain,
The total bliss.
The amazing times and the rough ones.
Are not worth the pain,
The pain of a turned back,
An enjoyed pain,
Waiting and hurting.

A sad contentment,
From the realisation.
Of what is worth, and what isn’t.
What I saw as worth,
What I always believed,
With others telling me to go.
I always stayed.
To make sure the okay.

A sad contentment,
The realisation I was wrong.
That it’s not worth it.
Even as I still think it might be.
It isn’t.

Back to the hatred to pull myself from it,
Underpinned by a sad contentment.

The saddest goodbye I’ve never wanted to say.
But I have to,
With sad contentment.
Wishing to stay,
But knowing I cannot,
I’ve known for a while.

But convinced myself otherwise,
To get at that high,
Those smallest of moments,
Smallest of times, making the whole world bright.
Making everything better.

Knowing I have to go, but wanting to stay,
Linger a little longer,
To get to know.

But I have to go.
Off into the wild brush.
With a sad contentment,
I tried,
What I could.
Tried to be the best I could be.

A sad contentment,
Being better, stronger.
The goodbye, a show of strength against all I wanted.
The need of a goodbye.

A sad contentment, getting by.
A sad contentment.
A sad goodbye,
One I do not want to say.

Off I go.
In sad contentment,
Times and feelings that I’ll miss.
Knowing I tried.

Off I go,
In sad contentment,

Writing, I’m okay, in realisation. I care, I don’t want anyone thinking I don’t. I care, I don’t hate, could never hate (at least not truly to my heart). But. Sometimes you need to get out, even though their are good times, even if they all outweigh any bad, and even make the bad very temporary. I’m tired living a lie. A lie I’ve told myself for so long. I always value truth, especially to myself, the only thing I’d ever consider lying to myself. But I cannot anymore.

Sleepless Nights

Pure bliss.
Pure nights
The times to be remembered.
More than any other.

A place,
I can be me.
A time to be free.
To be fine, being me.
I always am.
But now,
The care.

A sleepless night to come.
At rest.
Not wanting to see the day end.

Smiling uncontrollably,
To myself.
To the night gone by.
I hoped would never end.

It had to.
But my day has not.
The day to be me.
The care to see,
To share.

A day over,
A beautiful day,
A blissful night.
Another to come,
To share the bliss,
Share the love and care.

To show care,
For the uncared.
To help all I can.

Revitalised in my essence.
Made in this.
I am me.
The care I feel.

A feeling never to lose.
Holding on tight,
To never let go.
And to shine the light,
In the rest of my world.

A changed world.
Achanged me.
The demons chased away by my own hand.
A new me I have formed.
A new me.
To keep.

A sleepless, strange night.
Bliss found from an unexpected place.
A beautiful life.

A beautiful time.
A beautiful life.
A sleepless night,
Pondering this beautiful night.

A beautiful night, beautiful day, golden and bright.

The care, laughs and crazy time.

I cannot possibly put into words; the feeling.

One of, no, the best night. Many more of them to come, I’m better. Have been for a while. I’ve overcome my demons. Overcome the pain. Found a way. Revitalised by many things recently. And finally. A night of beauty, to mark a new me, a new path. To see the wonder and awe coming over the horizon.