To Those Who Try To Help

To those who try to help,

Those who continue to believe in me.

I’m sorry.

The path I take, I try to make.

The doors closing on me,

A lost cause.

A hopeless mess,

When I’ve come so far.

All thrown back into my face.

As I try to make my way.

The path I try to plot, to escape the darkness of uncertainty.

I’m sorry.

The path is lost,

The bearings lost too.

Left adrift.

Left losing the will.

Left with loss,

Loss of all, of mind, will and soul.

To those who try to help,

My gratitude is yours,

But I am left adrift at sea,

Drowning in uncertainty.

Without a place to turn.

The mind cannibalising itself,

Worries manifesting,

Uncertainty growing.

I’m sorry.

To all those who try to help.

I’m lost.

And I’m sorry.

Awake I Lie

Awake I lie,

Thoughts racing,

Trouble brewing.

The uncertain future.

Perseverance to clear a path,

Draining my life through this troubled storm.

The turbulent seas,

Uncertain paths without any horizon.

Chatting a path through the darkness.

Left without a heading.

Attempt after attempt.

Storms keep bashing my direction into darkness.

Awake a lie,

Thinking of the troubles to come,

Looking for a heading.

Looking for an option.

For a way out.

All direction and certainty lost to the depths.

Lost to the darkness,

The horizon unseen.

Awake I lie,

Pondering these questions,

Without direction.

Without heading.

Looking into the darkness and uncertainty.

Taking a step at a time.

Without heading, without knowing.

Hoping, persevering, to find my way.

To find a path.

All, as I lie awake.

My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Remembering The Times

Remembering the times,

Those good days,

Always a place in my mind.

The thinking, memories and the times.

Left in the feeling.

Of those good times.

The memories and places once been.

The memories and thoughts,

An ever-present reminder.

Living in the present,

Waiting for the times ahead,

Remembering those good times gone past.

A collection of memories,

A life, all on shown before me, of me.

A pleasant reminder,

Remembering the times.

Reminder Of Me

A reminder of me,

Who I used to be,

Free eternal, unbound and unchained.

Free-thinking, a spirit in good health.

Loving life for the friends who’ve touched me,

Those who unknowingly saved me.

To those I would do the same.

To save, to walk the ends of the earth for,

Those kind few, who reminded me of me,

Me of who I was,

Me of the worth of living.

The escape from a horrid past,

The needless pain,

To those who confirmed,

Who backed,

Those who supported.

I hold you dear.

Dear to my soul.

Dear to my being.

Those who reminded me of who I am and who I need to be, should be, will be.

Lost  In A World of Renewal

Lost and alone,

In an ever-changing world,

A world changing around me,

While I stay here, lost and watching in wonder.

Lost and unfeeling,

The gloomy-grey sky,

While all move on and I’m left behind.

All move away and I’m left alone.

The constant fight against the feeling.

Of sadness and lonliness,

Ever-looking for distractions.

Am I the only one?

To look up to that sky,

That gloomy sky,

To wonder my worth.

To wonder what’s left,

To wonder what’s worth.

Before being thrown down to reality.

To face the feeling,

To face the feeling.

Anticipation

Anticipation for the change,

Unsure,

Nothing known,

Everything stuck in a cloud of uncertainty.

Wonder, chance, amazement.

Excitement for what may be,

Worry for the ending, the cessation.

The continuation.

The wonderment

Waiting, wondering, watching…

With anticipation.

How Stuff Plays Out

How stuff plays out,

The cold wind blowing,

Sending shivers past my face,

Like the story of time,

The star-speckled night sky,

The dark clouds that float past,

The night sky,

The hope for the sun to rise in the morning,

The time’s great changes,

To later reveal what cannot be seen in the present,

The new day to come,

The new times to come,

Looking up Into the night sky,

Reminded of the past,

Waiting for the new day to come.

Those bright times to come,

Maybe just around the corner.

Maybe just a little longer to wait.

Just waiting to see.

How stuff plays out.

Defiance

Defiantly rejecting the label,

The hate,

The failure in my past,

The failure in my mind,

To work for change.

To prove all wrong.

To prove all false.

To make my world my own.

To achieve what I want,

Throwaway the past,

Embrace the present.

To design and build my future.

Been a long time,

A lot of pain.

I stand in defiance,

To build the world I live.

In defiance of my past, my torture.

To build my future,

To be the architect of my own change.

A change of poetry, wrote this listening to Eminem’s “Survival” and Disturbed’s “Down With The Sickness”.

A productive day, defiant day, productive day. One I own. Sick and tired of the past.