Last Good Moment

A last good moment,
Savouring every second of bliss,
The care,
The feeling.

Always hoping for your best,
And in so doing,
Showing mine.

The care,
A last good moment,
Good night,
Seeing you smile,
Lighting up my world.

Cherishing this last good moment.
In my memory.
A beautiful moment,
Many, beautiful moments.


Along with all those smallest moments.
The small chats,
Sweetest moments.

Some of the best memories,
I have ever made.
Some of the best moments,
I have had the pleasure of living.

Moments that will be missed.
Moments, of everything.
The last good moment.

Written. Night of the 7th December. Leaving to publish later. To see if I can, continue with more than just a memory.

Published night of the 10th, thinking, wondering, more poems for tonight, to ask and try to answer, where am I, what do I feel, what I want to do, what I should do and what do I need to do. With my closest friends saying one thing- my mind too, and my heart telling me the other.


Moment of panic

A moment of panic,
The realisation.
Vision, gone to a tunnel.
Down a spiral, a moment of fright.
From the realisation that I hoped would not come.

Memory gone to blank.
A moment of panic.
Breathing hard.
Moment blank.
Heart falling heavy.

And on the fall.
On the drop.
Falling for a moment.

Lost and falling.
The moment all-consuming.

Only for but a moment.
A moment. Of panic.

Writing this after a brief but intense moment of panic. My breathing raced, heart beat out of my chest, my vision constricted to a tunnel.

Like opening Pandora’s box and finding unexpected shock. Something to destabilise me.

I have had an amazing day and this one thing threatens to bring be down to a lowest, but I’m fighting back, at least for the day to be over, ended on a happy note.

This thing’s just broken me, but I don’t know if it’s irrational, or not. Enough of this though, only one way to find out where this goes.

So glad this realisation happened on a good day. An absolutely fucking brilliant day. I’m determined to see past it and go on happy. Don’t know about tomorrow.

Little Call

A little call,
Out of place,
Out of time.

To ask if you’re okay.
A weekend wondering.
Playing the moment in my mind,
Over and over in my mind.
Seeing you from afar,
Unable to help,
To see,
To call out.

And again to forgetting.
A single message.
I hide the reply.
You call.
I, wanting but not.
Relieves me to hear you’re well.

The little call,
A new start.
A little call.

Another storyesque poem, reminder of a text and a call I made, a start, a good return. But at the time was full of reluctance and worry. But most of all care, care for someone I lost. But no matter how much I hated them. I loved them. Only hating was the way to try to forget.

A Doorway Goodbye

That doorway goodbye.

Timid, quick, apprehensive.
You, just as me.

The goodbye, promise of a continuation.
Knowing it would never come?
Oh how you walked out the doorway.
Running out, to try. I tried.

Only to see you, standing there.
Tear running down your cheek.
A sad smile,
A promise.
A underlying sadness.
The sadness of this goodbye,
A microcosm of the unknown.
To be left unopened.

A picture I wont forget.
Standing in that doorway,
For that doorway goodbye.

A message unspoken.
Moment shared.
Our goodbye.
Our moment.

Our shared times,
Flashing before my eyes.
The laughs,
Shared conversations.

That time,
Laying in your bed.
You looking me in the eye,
Straight through,
Into my soul.
And I into yours.

A doorway goodbye.
Moments grabbed from reality.
With this doorway goodbye.

Another storyesque poem, one that follows on from “That Beach Sunset. The Last Night Together“. A continuation. Of the story. The end to the story, most likely, and for now. But most likely the end.

Again, I say that I’m not unhappy, I’m happy and okay, just thinking to a memory. Happy, sad, nostalgic and remembering. I’m good.

Anger for a Lie

The lies you shared,
Refusing me the dignity of being,
Leaving me in torture,
Under your foot.
Broken and controlled.

Only others showed me your lies,
Gave me decency on your behalf when you refused.
Showed me basic human respect when you denied me.

Thrown off my chains,
Tearing my self out,
Out of the hurtful lies,
The bad situation.
The wrecked mind I had to piece back.

You, the orchestrator of my demons’ symphony.

Thinking of the past, how someone treated me, something I tried to forget. But stuff is happening like the same as before.

Finished writing later, not feeling so bad, a walk home, time to think, space, some good news and errands has put me in a better mood.

Cutting Myself Off

Cutting myself off,
Misunderstood, left in the unknown,
Unable to help those I care about.
Left out of the picture.

Patterns repeat,
Pain comes again.
Being warned away,
But not taking heed.
Needing to cut off.
To save myself.
Needing to cut off,
To protect, to help, to live.

I do not want to,
Cut away the feeling.
But it may save me,
By killing a major part.

A decision of me,
Decision of mine.
One I do not want.
Cannot take.

How some things change.
How most others stay the same.

Feeling quite sad, sad I cannot help, that they do not know. The latter is for the best, but brings me great pain.

Considering legitimately, now, the first time in a long time. To cut myself off.

They have a friend, do not need me. I’m only the help for work, company or motivation.

I can do all those things for myself, but not worth doing it for another, if it only brings pain. But that’s the hard part.

It doesn’t only bring pain, but brings something so worth it, the feeling, that it makes the pain worth it.

I know this feeling, may be overthinking. But even then, one truth I know, my overthinking, is usually right, is the truth, but one I do not want to come to terms with. I need to. I have to.

Seems like it’s decision time for me. One I will make tonight, one way, or another.

For You I Say

For you I say,

I care,
More than you can know.
So much that it hurts,
But it’s worth that.
Would do anything I can for you.

For you I say,
Your beauty, uncompared,
Kindness true,
Compassion you showed,
Trying, once before, to help me.

For you I say,
Know your worth.
Know yourself and prosper.

For you, I say,
I will never try to hurt you,
But what if I have to go?
To hurt you less.

For you I say,
You are not my day,
But you never fail to make it brighter.

For you I say,
When I hear that favourite song,
Only you I see.
Remembering the memories.

For you, I apologise.
That I cannot explain.
My thoughts and feelings.
I only feel them.
I cannot help them.

For you, I remember,
The first time we met,
And every time since.
No matter what’s happened,
There are no regrets.

I am flawed,
But I am me.
Trying to be ever-better.
Unapologetically. Me.

For you I say,
No matter how you compare yourself,
Unfavourably attractive than others,
I do not see.
All I think of is you.

For you I say,
You never have to be alone,
I’ll help with all I can.
Do all I can.
No matter how much it hurts.
Because I care.
For you I say I care.

For you I end,
Maybe it’s the ramblings of a madman,
A lovestruck madman.
But this is me.
For you I say,
This is me.
All I can offer.

Trust the Feeling

In peace,
Waiting, thinking.
My mind spinning with glee.
Thinking of you.

Trust the feeling.
The feeling that grabs me,
Away from my once-clouded thoughts.
A feeling that compliments me. Before. Us.
Not tearing it away.

I wish to tell you,
How I feel,
To trust the feeling.
I’m afraid to hurt you,
To push you.
I only wish to help
To be there for you.

How I wish,
To be there for you,
To have you there, for me.

Trust the feeling,
I have to.
To try.
To do what I can,
To help her,
I would really do anything for her.
To see her smile,
To see her face,
Brightens my day.

Oh how I’m unsure,
If I should trust my feelings.
Though I want to.
I want to.
Trust my feelings.

All Of Me

That feeling,
All of me,
Shown to you.

Whole before,
But with you, something more.

Me before you.
All I can.

All I would do,
For you.
I cannot even know.

In those brightest moments,
All I can think of is you.

Those times shared,
Feelings felt.
All of me,
When I’m with you.

All those times shared.
The bright to move with.
All you say.
All you do.
All I would do for you.
Anything, to help you better.

You have all of me.
In care,
In love, never to falter.
Trust me, I’ve tried.

A golden person,
Kind, caring, meaningful, intelligent and beautiful.
A model to behold.

Your hurt,
Becommingg mine,
To help and hold.
Care and console.
To hold your hand and fight it through.

No matter what you face,
Never alone if you don’t want to be.

I’ll have your back.
Be by your side.
Care when you’re down.
Hold you up,
To stop you drown.
All of me.
All I can offer.

Deserved and meaningful.
Beautiful and blissful.
Never will I forget.

All of me.

The way you are,
Perfect to me,
Nevermind how I try to see past.
Reality hitting me hard.
Your beauty and kindness is always there.
My love and care.
I try.
All I can.

All of me.

I could spend all night writing this.

I really want to. But cannot, should not.

All my feelings. Bursting me at the seams.

The feelings,

The perfection from normalcy. From reality.

Being, living in a perfection.

Loving, living, being life, alive.

Words can never explain.

But poetry is be best way I can try.

All of me. In a poem. My very best. All I have. All I can. All I offer. All of me.