Find Themselves Again

The chat, a kindness.
Helping, waiting, thinking, doubt.
Times of uncertainty, in all of our lives.
Friends by our side.

Strength gained from the fight,
The struggle to hone,
To strengthen,
To harden.
To break free.
Raging against that coldest darkest night.

Waiting to find themselves again.

Finding that darkest time too hard,
But battling a bit at a time.
Friends by the side,
Helping, thinking, supporting.

All the while,
A support,
To find themselves again.

This is the path,
Times lost,
Times found,
All the parts between,
The pain, joy, sorrow and regret.
All a trial,
A gust to blow away.

The response of rage,
Nothing to step in place,
Nothing in the way.
To stand up.
To stand against,
They’re found,
To find themselves again.

Inspired by something I wrote to a friend, inspired the title, and the poem came naturally, as all mine the meaning kinda changes as I’m writing it.

From one I written thinking about someone else to one again to do with me.


Golden End To The Storm

The golden end to the storm,

A shining light emerging from the tunnel.
Something to look forward to,
Something found after the dark.
Those kindest souls you find.
Out of nowhere.

Those moments finding the light.
A warm spring after the dark winter’s night.

The emergence.
New birdsong from after the cold frost.
What a new day.

Better days to come.
Taking one at a time.
Onwards to.
To the light.

I walking,
Into the light of the day.
The new day coming.

A beautiful shine as the sun rises,
Over those green grassy hills.

The time that always comes,
The shining sun that will always shine.

Let it live,
Let it shine.
Just keep hold.

The sun always shines,
On those kindest souls.
Just keep hold.
Claim your light from the darkness.
Like we all must.

Shelter that small flame,
Even as it dims,
Shelter it tight,
When faltering,
Lean on those kindnest souls,
Who always have your back.
Weather the storm and cold.

The flame flickering,
Until it turns into,
A fire bright as the sun.
Raging in kindness,
Warm sun shining.

That… is the golden end to the storm all encompassing.
Letting the sun shine from within.
Your flame fierce.
In care, kindness and humanity.

Flames to fight the cold away.
This… is the golden end to the storm.
Shining so brightly.

Writing this poem dedicated to my friend on MoodTrack, LonelyGirl19 for all the help, kindness and care. Always there for you. Kindness rewarded with kindness and care, for those golden humans.

Wiping Away The Past

Wiping away the past.
Wiping out the pain,
Anger to fuel my recovery,
Anger for the pain,
Pain that will be wiped away.

Determined to move past,
Oh how this feels so good.
To wipe away the pain.
To move past.
Determination to get better.

To better myself,
To offer care for those who do the same.

The way,
Letting go of the pain.

Embracing those,
Those who care.
Those there for me.

Determined through my care.
To get better.

The care of the world,
Feelings, emotions for the world,
A world opening up for me.
A new day, new world.

Wipihg away the past.
A brand new me.
Those who care by my side.
Me there for all those best people.

The best person I can be.
Wiping away the past.

Weird poem, thinking of the past, felt my mood change during the writing of the poem, the message changing as I write.

I’m okay and getting better, knowing those who care are there for me, and I for them.

Determined to reach my goals and aims, no matter what. Just have to keep my eye on the prize and my heart and care open for the kindest people in my world.

Tomorrow’s a new day and better already, determined to finish this second essay and make them and everything the best it can be. Make myself the best I can be.

Won’t Waste No Time

Won’t waste no time,
Times gone by,
The waste of being, feeling waiting.
Stronger now and then some.

The times to come.
Better and greater.
Determination to make my world brighter.
Unstoppable, my path set out.
I walk off, on a mission.

And I won’t waste no time.
Time to be,
The person I truly am,
Deserve to be.

The new day,
Mine to grasp,
Make mine,
Make whole.
Nothing to stop me.

I won’t waste no time.
My determination.
I will get,
What I aim for,
My unwavering drive.

Kindness, help and care for all,
Betterment of everything I can,
Passions fulfilled,
Aims met,
Stretching myself till all is within grasp.

I won’t waste no time.
Grasping the day.
My time now,
To rip out the past.
To find my life.
I won’t waste no time.

Feeling a little better, a song ad on YouTube came on and made me feel empowered and better, Dua Lipa’s IDGAF and another song I won’t mention.

The Call Of The Song

The call of the song,
From old,
Thoughts racing.
Looking forward to the new day.

The song how it speaks,
Beckoning a new day into existence,
New times to find and have.

Those times on the horizon,
Throwing the past aside.
Into the wastes of time,

The song plays on,
To the future that awaits,
The new song to come.

Using the hurt song to spur a new beginning.
Strength from the pain of old.
The past, used to will on the new.
The present, the good and now.

And on this song plays,
Trying to move on to the new day,
New, bright, kind and from the past.

The call of the song,
Off into the future.
Leaving dead the past.
Moving on.

I have to stop lying to myself, had a rougher day than I’ve had in a while. Got a lot of productive work done on my essay.

Everything Feeling

Everything feeling,
The fullness,
Overwhelming feeling.
No one sees how.

Underestimation, everyone’s currency for me.
Understanding, the sea I swim in, live in.
The world,
A world of feelings,
My own and others,
A lifetime of thoughts,
In the smallest of moments.
Rushing before my eyes,

People look at me,
But never see.
I can’t explain.
The everything feeling.
A mind racing,
My attention like a hand that cannot keep up.

Thoughts running,
A simple decision?
A list of solutions,
Running through my mind,
To weigh and pick.

Emotional hurt,
Always feeling emotions of others,
Strongly influencing my own.
Imagine a being,
Not being, but being gained from another.
A state of loss,
Loss of being, feeling, identity.

This state of everything feeling,
Itself causing pain,
To add to my pain,
From the pain of others,
To add to my own pain also.

No synthesis,
Overempathy, or the lack.
The former as natural,
The latter to save me,
Save me from the overfeeling

The complexity.
Unable to describe.

And the inescapable.

This everything feeling.

Well. Writing a poem of feeling, what it’s like to feel too much, empathise way too much until it hurts beyond description, emotions hurt beyond description of physical pain.

Probably have Asbergers and have slightly suspected since primary school (many years ago), but a main reason is my misconception that Autism is necessarily about a lack of empathy when I’ve always known it’s the opposite for me.

Found some good experiences on a forum, found it through a community I found on a new app a friend on my MoodTrack recommended haha:

Talking to others it’s possible to have Asbergers with hyperempathy or hypersensitivity.

Despite the description of the poem I’m not sad, just thinking, writing what life feels like, existing is like.

Stead Fast

On down this little path,
Stead fast I move,
All revealed over time,
Step by step,
Path by path.

The rough waves behind me,
The clear path ahead.
The cool winter glow,
The morning’s smooth light.

Stead fast down this little path,
On and on,
With turns,
Found and taken.
A mind,
Occupied yet also reactive.

Always thinking, moving, being.
Down this,
Little path.
Stead fast are my steps,
Calm is the mind.
Down and determined.
Ready for all.

Stead fast.
This path I make.
The path I take,
My own.

Obstacles behind me,
Or will be.

As I.
Stead fast to my aim.
Roll on past.
Until only the worthwhile accomplishments find me.

Almost compulsively writing poetry at least one a day haha.

Either way, had a good day, very productive, finished nearly all of a essay in a single day of writing it up. One more due later so all on track and good. Nothing to stop me. Only stopped if something stops you, if you let it stop you. Nothing’s going to stop me. Only the helpful or worthwhile things to worry about, everything else an irrelevance of the past.

Turn Over

The turn-over,
Those new and good times,
Best friends and people,
By your side when lost,
Always there, having and holding you up.

A turn-over,
A new life,
New path to walk.

Strengthened by the past, the pain and the mistakes.
Coming to a close.
Moving on and up.

Realising pain isn’t normalcy,
It’s a temporary state,
One to turn over,
Let go and leave.

Relegate to the past,
Confine to a time gone by.

To turn-over,
Meet the good,
Find the light,
Make your world.
Remake yourself,
Yet also keep the same.

All a time…
A sign…
A show…
Of the turn-over

On the train, back after visiting home for Christmas. Reading many quotes from WordPorn as I haven’t since 13th December. So many heartfelt and ones that resonate with me.

Happy to turn over a new leaf, new year, new life, new but also same me.

Peace Within from Cognisance

The time,
The moment.

What’s come,
Pain unneeded,
Being in place,
Whole and known.
Needing to let…
Let myself fing the peace inside.
Find a safe.

Surround myself,
Making the world brighter,
With those brighter in it.
Life can be beautiful,
If only one will make and find it.

Finding peace within,
Coming through cognisance,
A time to come,
Realisation from.

A time to come.
Moments not yet lived.
A life to be lived.
Life worth living.
Spreading my wings,
Filling my world with light,
The kindest people.

A time to come,
To be made.

The peace within,
Through cognisance.

Been thinking over things and things occurred to be, hitting me straight in the face. Those moments you realise something that you’ve been missing for so long but would have saved so much pain.