I Feel… Overwhelming

I feel, overwhelming,

Such joy and happy-sadness.
Overwhelming in all being,
Being and living.
Glad in the smallest moments,
Calm, confident sweet and free.
Free, caring and being truly me,
After so long,
Living in a façade,
Hiding because I had to,
Felt I had to.

But yeah,
Being,
Living,
Existing but feeling,
A part of the world,
Caring and being cared about.

A smile to make my heart melt,
Small moments that last forever,
But also feel gone too soon.

Feeling okay,
Okay to show,
To stand tall,
Tall and proud,
Of who I am,
Who I can be,
Can be okay,
Can show who I truly am.

A warmth in life,
One I’ve never known.
So small in those moments,
But those smallest moments…
So beautiful,
Making this world shine bright.

Proud to stand tall,
For all I’ve done and want to do.
Through my art,
To capture and show.
A message of beauty for all to see,
All in wherever you look,
To find the beauty when the eye beholds,
To make, see and find.
To be the holder of your own path.
To forge a way through.
To make it all work out.
No matter the odds.

Just needing to remember the gold,
To keep hold.


The post I made last, was a rough morning but it was all turned around, it was my anxiety, but it was all turned around on that shift at work by a friend I chatted to tonnes, chatted to tonight. Has been the reason for being confident and happiest recently.

Lots of stuff, also tonight I’ve finished binge watching Game of Thrones to this point, very emotional and thinking of my friend. Just happy, emotional, thinking and happy-sad. A happiness with a tinge of sadness, thinking about the future about the past, about very small things. Feeling so very very happy, content. Not everything in life is perfect, but it feels so that it is. Just thinking, just happy. Happy and emotional that it feels slightly overwhelming, very overwhelming.

Even just writing this has made me feel a whole lot better, a world better. I’ve been so good recently, unbelievable, I know the cause, know why, know what started all of this off.

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Running In The Moment

Running in the moment,
Peace and turmoil,
The ever-struggle, Uncertainty within my mind.

Running in this moment,
So much to see,
Feelings abound,
A world before my eyes.
So much change,
To change,
To better it all.

Reinvigorated,
Pushing the darkness to one side,
Alive by the change.
Better in the living.

Pure in the making.

That warm feeling,
The nice feeling,
Joy in the moment,
Sharing and helping.
Laughing, being in time.


Feeling really good, had a shit start to the day, but ended phenomenally good, good film with the family, pints and dinner. Remember sitting in the pub alone for a bit, thinking, you know those moments when you think of someone and sum up all the reasons and times in your own head why you love hanging out with them, even in those smallest moments.

Started writing this, messages my friend for that movie night, feeling ecstatic, also organised maybe to have an at-home movie and takeaway but also now a movie night at the cinema also!

So so funny, she replied as I started writing this, I had to take a break from the writing this as I felt to happy and excited to write or be calm haha

Awww, the feeling in this moment. I would say this feeling is what to live for, but no, this is living while the rest is waiting and looking for the next moment like this to come. Of ecstatic happiness, laughter and excitement.

Orchestral World

Oh what an orchestral world,
Standing here in the midst,
In the world.
A exercise of being,
Of living.

Total wonderment of being,
How I’m here.
The people met,
The places seen,
Experiences had.

How in the world,
Do I feel, like I belong,
With my friends,
Total homeliness,
To have met such brilliant faces.

The world made bright by my touch,
Having found my way out,
Out of the dark abyss,
And into the light.

Into the light,
I had long clamoured for.
Never believing I would seen.
Standing on the cliff-face,
Staring off into the setting sun,
Tear running down my cheek.
“I have made it”.

I have found.

The orchestral world around me,
The sights of beauty,
The sounds of life,|
Feelings of being.

I have found.

This orchestral world.

Ramblings On Love, and Life

Something to share, to be, feel and give.

Something whole, yet always wanting more, to give more, share more, show more.

To face down darkest times, to help fight a way through the dark, and to find a way when it isn’t clear. To find a way to help when one isn’t shown. And when all options have been exhausted. To give a kind embrace, of heart, mind, and actuality, to help. The best feeling. To give your all, to help someone you deeply care about. To be there, even if their pain hurts you to see them so. Bear it, to help them even for but a moment. Especially if they would, they have, done the same for you.

Held you through your trials, your troubles. It isn’t owed, but in the mind it is. Confusing. Like an unsaid promise, not done because of obligation but an self-internal obligation for yourself and for them.

Such feelings cannot be explained. Only felt. Rare as they are. They are perfect. They are everything but at the same time, not, an important part of many that make you whole.

I could write for days right now. But should not.

Amazing to think, all they’ve been through, to help. I’m under no obligation to, but the one I set myself. The one I must fulfil only because of my choice, my care, my love and choice.

This feeling, bliss and happiness, I urge everyone, as I will try to do. To infuse it into everything else:

The will, power, determination, happiness, strength, care, compassion, love, hope, persistence. To feeling good, no, great, amazing. For yourself, everything, everyone. Then the sun will shine through the thick fog, over any mountain, rendering everything perfect, even as it isn’t, it will be.

An everything from not everything to make everything into a perfection that isn’t perfect, but at the same time, it is.


Looking at all the WordPorn phrases I’ve saved, picking the best related ones, the ones that touch me and bring tears of joy, happiness and deep thought. Here they are:

Rush

That rush,

The rush of your mind,

Mind racing with thoughts,

Feeling fast and intense

Nonending and strange… but nice.

Waiting to see,

Waiting and loving life,

Living and finding fulfilment in work,

Everything working out,

Sharing your mind and hearing another.

Another day in the life of this rush.

This ever-rushing flow of ideas,

A million thoughts an hour, propelling me before I even realise.

It’s funny…

These crazy rushed thoughts,

Making me feel ecstatic and unusual,

Funny, giddy and spinning.

This rush…

What a feeling!

Little Gift From The Heart

Little gift from the heart,

This little treasure,

Care made tangible,

The little gift from the heart,

Showing me the way,

Showing me the value in being human,

Showing the light, to come from the next day.

Showing care in true form,

Feeling made whole.

The new day,

To shroud out the empty feeling,

Showing me the value of being human.

The value of living,

Through those little gifts from the heart.

The kindness,

The care,

The close friendship,

Knowing someone is there,

Knowing someone cares,

The little gift from the heart.

Funny how a gift from the heart,

Touches the soul.

Embodies a reality worth living.

The treasure to wait for,

The next day to come, to win, to live

And love life,

To love living.

The gift, to encapsulate feeling,

To stretch the mind out of darkness,

Into the light,

Into the beauty of living.

The gift of friendship,

That touches my heart.

Touches my soul.

Brings me to life.

Shows me what I could not see.

Shows me what I’ve missed,

What I stopped seeing,

What I’ve been missing.

The wholeness of being.

Wholeness of feeling,

The kind warm feeling.

The kind and caring friend.

Who writes onto my soul,

A mark of care,

The cherished feeling,

The sight worth seeing,

To life to keep living.

To care for all,

To be there for all.

To be me,

To value this.

To keep the feeling.

To remind me what I’ve missed.

The feeling of being

So much said.

So much to say.

So much,

Embodied,

Encapsulated.

By, through, this little gift from the heart.
Writing this, got a birthday present from my dearest friend. Gone through lots recently, this gift, a gift from the heart, a gift to show the truth. To show me reality. To remind me.

Total gratitude to all my friends, especially my closest friends, whom I will always be there for, will always care for, no matter where I go or however far I drift. The conversations, gifts, even merely hanging out.

These are the biggest and best gifts. The gift of life, the gift to remind how and why life is worth living. Those times where everything works out, where everything works, everything is good.

Being, loving life, loving my friends. Caring for my friends. As they do for me, and never fail to remind me, even if I sometimes find it hard to see. They’re there. All is good.

Spending The Summer Sun With You

Spending the summer sun with you,

The way the sun glistens off your brunette hair,

The beauty of that summer sun,

Your radiant smile,

That cute laugh,

Warming me more than the summer sun,

Your gentle kindness,

Your passion, understanding,

Bringing me back,

Bringing me out.

You make me, the best of me.

Your emasculate eyes,

Light pools of blue,

I could swim and lose myself in them.

Your gentle skin,

A reminder of peace.

Problems fade into the daylight with you.

Life brightens with you.

Problems get solved.

It hurts to say bye,

When the summer sun fades,

The light shines through, for when we’ll share,

We’ll spend time in the summer sun,

With you.

Those Little Things

Those little things you do,

That little smile,

That giggle,

My little fox,

The phone call before bed,

Even if only 5 minutes,

Gone to fast,

Lose time in totality,

Swimming in your voice.

That warmth,

From those little things,

That care,

From those little things,

The little things you do.

That make me fall…

Deeper and deeper in love with you.

Those little things.

To give myself to you,

To help you,

To be with you,

No matter what.

Always there if you need.

Are you using me?

Very well maybe.

But for now I’ll let myself, live in love, feeling. Those little things.
Writing this. After a phone call from my crush. At like 12am, a small chat, very nice. She’s phoned me recently every night around then. Been waiting up for it in case, as I’m in love. So happy. Hearing her voice, her mannerisms, her way of talking. Losing track of time, but never being enough.