The Lonely Silence Of The Dark

Lonely silence of the dark,
The dark days gone past,
Those yet to come,

Waiting for those light days, the ones to look forward to.
To hope for,
To live for.

When the darkness of the night is all around,
With silence as the figure lurking in the dark.
The depths of night.
An impenetrable shroud;
Thick, dark, all-consuming.
Suffocating at a touch.

The feeling of life,
The memories returning,
But only for a time.
The deep sadness,
To accompany the lonely silence of the dark.

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Out Of Mind

Out of mind,
I hide the feelings,
Scared of where they could take me,
Offered care and kindness.

Trying to keep the pain out of my mind.
To keep in the happiness,
A game of pretend,
To ignore my mind and emotions.
The pain that comes with darkness.
The shining light, that echoes in the darkness.

The mind, clouded with worry, sadness and uncertainty.
Trying to push all feelings out of mind.
Trying to save myself from my demons.

An attempt to hold strong against the dark.
To keep the leeches at bay.
To wipe my mind,
To save the body.

Out of mind is the answer,
Or it must be,
The solution I face,
Only way past it.

Out of mind.
To cope, to save me.

Rift

Rift running deep,
Evicerated by the thoughts.
Turmoil of emotiness,
The rage in the quiet.

The silent darkness,
Walking through the dark alone,
The darkness my home.
Defiant and strong.
The rage my instrument

Thinking of time.
Confined to the mind.
Emptying out my pain.
Filling it with rage,
Turning it empty.

Myself, a dark night,
Dimly lamp-lit.
A figure stabdibg on the corner.

Silently watching,
Everything let go.
The darkness, the silence and emptiness all a familiar friend.

Friends unfamiliar,
Living without seeing.
Unable to help regardless.

A confusing state,
This rift.
Rift of mind,
Rift of sight,
Of being and of thinking.

Left to the black emptiness.
Somehow tricking myself into and out of feeling.

An emptiness without sadness,
Without happiness.
Mere being.

Sad words to others,
For me, a state i understand,
A state i cannot feel,
This rift within me.

Through This Feeling

Through the feeling,

The good, bad and hurt,

All the emotions of life,

A tinge unfeeling.

Through this feeling.

An emptiness,

A feeling of lack, of less.

Beyond my explanation.

Even through this feeling,

All my feelings.

Come the lack.

Here I stand,

Unable to understand,

How feelings,

Strong feelings.

Can be accompanied by an emptiness.

A song comes on,

With all its associated feelings,

Dancing with happiness,

Crying with sadness,

Yet I still feel empty.

A confusing dichotomy.

The feeling with the lack.

Unable to fix,

Unable to understand.

Through this feeling,

My mind takes me.

Takes its toll on me.

Unable to explain.

This incomprehension,

Hurting along with the pain, sadness, anger and happiness.

Emotions running through my veins,

My heart and my mind.

All-consuming,

In their raw ferocity.

Yet a lack, an emptiness comes along with.

Looking Back Fondly

Looking back fondly,
The memories and moments once shared.
Time has passed.
Things have changed.
Looking back fondly.

Circumstances have changed,
Now is not the same,
Not alike.
I miss the past,
The time spent,
Our conversations,
What we shared.
Looking fondly back.

Maybe all an illusion.
The inevitable death that time brings.
I cannot tell.
Was it all a lie?
It all for nothing?
Was it something.
I cannot tell.
Looking fondly back.

Memories, photos and feelings,
All to remind me,
Of what I found.
What you showed me.
How I tried to help.
Looking fondly back.

Looking fondly back,
I look on through my mind’s eye,
A tear running down,
Remembering the time found and lost.
Missed, left and dying.
Like I am inside.
Making of life,
To have it ripped from my chest.
I look fondly back,
Always will,
Remembering and happy-sad.
Looking fondly back.

The Happy Tear

Happy tear rolling down my face,

A smile alongside the sadness.

My knowledge of the times.

The way it cannot be.

The estrangement,

Away and apart.

Gone and not around.

How I want to be with you.

The happy tear,

Running down my face,

Seeing you happy,

Seeing all those good moments you’re making.

Those times we shared.

Gone before I got to know you.

Ended and final.

Before I realised.

Before I realised.

It was gone.

It was gone before I knew. Before what was lost.

All the thoughts, hopes and ideas.

All turned to dust before my eyes.

The gravity hits me on high.

Rips me open and throws me aside.

The happy tears fall,

Breaking me apart from the inside,

As I smile happy,

Dying inside.

Broken and made at the same time.

Thrown from everything I have ever known.

Lost in the turmoil.

Thrown from comfort and care,

Ground to dust.

The last scene.

Your happiness,

As in my sadness a happy tear runs down my face.

The happy tear runs down.

Confused Mind

Confused mind ,

In a dichotomous state.

Happy, sad, excited and in pain.

Lost and unable to navigate the confusing confines of my mind.

Unable to translate feelings,

To thoughts I can understand.

Shifts in emotions happening at a flash,

Throwing myself into disarray and confusion.

Trying to understand my feelings,

Trying to find an answer,

In myself. My mind. My heart.

Stuck in amidst my confused mind.

Blind in life,

To my feelings and thoughts.

Unable to determine or see.

Pained by what is in my mind,

The confusion that greets me.

The hurt that remains.

Thinking and thinking.

Over-thinking.

Seeing reality for what it is,

But irrationality still affecting me.

My confused mind,

What happens now?

The broken times ahead.

My own.

Confused mind.

Feeling or Unfeeling

Question plaguing my mind,The meaning and being.The feeling,Empty and everything.The lasting question.Times which paralyse me.The answer shown.The happy-sad feeling,But feeling nevertheless.To feel,To live,To let die, but live on.My answer found,The place been.The feeling lives on.In.My answer.The feeling,Better than the lack.Better than the emptiness.Better than the end.Making me feel.Against my best efforts.A life to live,Rather than to survive.The place I find myself.The feeling that comes,The end that drifts by.My place,My feelings.The feeling of being.The me that was once lost,Once forgotten.And on I drift.It is me.The place of me.The better feeling,Than the unfeeling once known.Feeling me.A better me.The better way.This is me.The place and the feeling.The place I am.A happy-wreck.A drowned being.Overwhelmed by feeling.By being,The path outstretched,But missed.The feeling of feeling.Being whilst being.The place drifting away.Shown for nothing,While also everything.This feeling,Better than the lack.This me,This feeling,This being.I am me.All I am.This feeling.

Empty Loss

This empty loss,
Alien feeling.
Dissatisfied with comfort,
Confusing feelings.

A storm out of nowhere,
Consuming me from within.
Incomprehensible,
Left empty, empty loss, without feeling.

Death from nothing.
Mourning started before the total loss.

The dark shroud to come,
The empty abyss that comes from bliss,
Incomprehensible,
the loss, and the emptiness.

An alien infection,
Suddenly coming over me,
For no reason.

Feeling left my mind.
A loss to the world.
Frozen out of existence.

Fearful,
Of hurting my friends,
Those I hold dear.

Needing to drift off,
Away into darkness,
A figment, a distant memory.

The empty figure.
Unfeeling.
The empty loss.

Leaving out the door,
Without looking back.

Wondering, hoping.
Leaving,
With my empty loss,
The only friend I can’t hurt,
My only possession.

The dark figure,
Leaving,
An empty loss,
A scar on the world.

Drifting into the dark abyss,
Of emptiness,
Of loss.

Path Drifting From View

The path drifting from view,

Receding into the distance.
Tears welling up,
The memories, people, events and times.

All gone,
All in the past,
Left without a foothold,

No path forward or back,
Merely falling, drifting,
And navigating some form of landing.

Manipulating a descent,
One with other people, events, memories to be made.

The branching of many opportunities,
The uncertainty that comes with living,
The uncertainty of being, of existence.

All that is known,
Receding from view,
Leaving an emptiness,
A surviving,
The moving on with the days ahead.

Like eating without taste,
Happiness without feeling,
Thinking when never knowing.

As the path recedes from view, on I go,

To forge another. To burn the bad bridges behind me. To enshrine the golden monuments that have built me, kept me and protected me.