Walking Away From Pain

Watching, walking,
Walking away from pain,
Looking at what is horrible in people,
Seeing, despite how hard I try.
Sometimes people are just horrible.

A hard fact to swallow,
As I hope for,
What I cannot see.
A pained song,
I listen to and watch.
See their pain,
I tried,
When noone else did.
To help,
To try to see, help,
But now I walk away.
Uncaring.

It’s one of those things,
When the hurt, hurt.
A lack of care,
Kindness,
In all those times.

Something I never wanted to do,
To walk from another’s pain.
A lesson to learn, and learn again.
People being horrible,
Some have a call, a call for help.
But no matter the try.
Some have taken this hurt,
As their mantle, as their creed,
As their infliction.

For some,
The need to walk away,
To turn a blind eye to suffering,
Trying, had tried,
Wasted my time trying to help.
Believing in goodness, kindness,
Only to see it absent.
Something I didn’t want to believe.

I,
Trying in place,
Having to own,
The failure to help,
A failure through the trying.

Riping.
Your self from self,
To fill,
Yourself, witj anger and pain.
To watch it all burn.

Knowing,
You’ve tried.
All you could.
As you turn away,
Watching it burn from behind.

Walking away from pain,
Letting them wallow,
Knowing you tried,
But were pushed away,
While asked not to go.

Pain is yours,
And yours to keep.
No more will I try,
No more will I vicariously pain,
Trying to help.

The hardest choice to make.
To leave another,
To the fires, flames and pain.

Walking away from pain,
Letting them, get consumed by flames.
As I walk, turn, Knowing I tried.
A choice I’ve fought at every turn,
But now must give in.


Thinking, angry, been an alright day, mixed, but thinking of humanity, how it’s so horrid, hurtful. Thinking of a recent hurtful person. Also of how everyone thinks, how is everyone often so content with leaving another? Letting them to pain. General gossip I hear, reminds me of this all the time. But I kind of get it now. Myself having to realise that some people are just horrid with no way around it.

A hard thought to process as, there’s no benefit to being hurtful, being a dickhead. But. I shouldn’t feel bad for leaving those kinds of people, to wallow in pain, the depths of their hell.

Just thinking of all those nights, staying up, even before work early just to make sure my friend was okay, chatting, letting them vent, trying to help, trying to be kind. And then yeah, kindness offered in life is rarely returned.

So I shouldn’t feel bad, angry maybe, but not sad for leaving them to pain. Not hurt, for wanting to help, not gonna hurt just to help. People don’t care and don’t deserve the same. Some people just need to be left to rip their own world apart. I give up trying to help.

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Born Anew

Born anew,
This feeling,
This life,
A world within grasp.

My world,
My life.
Born anew from the fires of pain.
A determination running through my veins,
A beauty that life has to offer.
The kindness offered.
My call to action,
Care, love and willpower.
My world held.

What this feeling.
A strength from nowhere,
Yet also everywhere.
This world running deep.
Fast, to keep.

Born anew,
Through a world of pain.
A phoenix, wings spread.
Fury, determination and life.
Born anew from my ashes extinguishsd,
To this life to come,
Has come.
Born anew.


Writing this, declined a night out.

Many things to say, so many people to thank for all the kindness. A crush and so much ahead and ahead. Within my grasp. It’s hard with me and my FOMO. But I’m good, other good times will come. I’m at peace with myself, calm. Loving everything.

Owe it to others and myself. To be the best I can be.

Yeah!

Golden End To The Storm

The golden end to the storm,

A shining light emerging from the tunnel.
Something to look forward to,
Something found after the dark.
Those kindest souls you find.
Out of nowhere.

Those moments finding the light.
A warm spring after the dark winter’s night.

The emergence.
New birdsong from after the cold frost.
What a new day.

Better days to come.
Taking one at a time.
Onwards to.
To the light.

I walking,
Into the light of the day.
The new day coming.

A beautiful shine as the sun rises,
Over those green grassy hills.

The time that always comes,
The shining sun that will always shine.

Let it live,
Let it shine.
Just keep hold.

The sun always shines,
On those kindest souls.
Just keep hold.
Claim your light from the darkness.
Like we all must.

Shelter that small flame,
Even as it dims,
Shelter it tight,
When faltering,
Lean on those kindnest souls,
Who always have your back.
Weather the storm and cold.

The flame flickering,
Until it turns into,
A fire bright as the sun.
Raging in kindness,
Warm sun shining.

That… is the golden end to the storm all encompassing.
Letting the sun shine from within.
Your flame fierce.
In care, kindness and humanity.

Flames to fight the cold away.
This… is the golden end to the storm.
Shining so brightly.


Writing this poem dedicated to my friend on MoodTrack, LonelyGirl19 for all the help, kindness and care. Always there for you. Kindness rewarded with kindness and care, for those golden humans.

Defiant to the Face

Defiant,
To those who hurt me,
Without a care.

Defiance to make my own,
Make my world.

To forge it in the fires of my passion.
Defiant in the face of the demons,
Enpassioned to my end.

To make a change to make the world better,
Brighter.
For all whom I care.
For all who I consider friends.

To cast out the emptiness and the pain.
To cast out the demons and the careless.

To find people,
Worth finding,
To care for,
People worth it.
To be with,
People, who will finally be right,
Just being with.

Nothing More Beautiful

Nothing more beautiful,
Than the sharing of mind,
Sharing of kindness,
Of soul.

Etched into time, into location.
Echoing eternally, throughout existence.
Brought into being,
From the smallest of moments.
The slimmest of chances.

Nothing more beautiful, your hand in mine,
My mind open to you,
Letting you in.

Sharing my fears, hopes and feelings.
Sharing your troubles, love, and hurt.

To hold you close,
As you do me.
Not letting go,
Together facing the world.
Darkness unable to touch us.
Our path, clearing the darkness.
One light to support the other when flickering.
Turning a flame to a firestorm of passion and care.

Holding your hand,
Sharing this moment.

In this very moment.
All is perfect.
You are there.
Sharing this with me.
Nothing more beautiful.

Getting to know another,
Share with another.
A moment to live on.

Nothing more beautiful.


Some music inspired this, Lady Antebellum’s Need You Now, but the poetry came from my heart and thoughts.

Finally.

Finally.

Looking up,
Looking out,
Into the wide world to come,
A happy warmth, to be found.
Has graced me with its presence.
Provided me meaning.

Reignited,
The burning passion and fire,
That had been so close to dying.
Flaring up,
Into a bonfire of hope, happiness and determination.
To make my all worth it.
To make it through.
To drag others into the light, when lost in the dark.
Owing it to myself, to others,
Who have helped me.

Finally the light has come over the horizon.
A moment I never thought would come,
Even as I was always told.

A burning passion deep within me,
Finally being found.
Burning from the deep,
To reach on high.

To shake life to the core,
Make it mine,
To make it know me.

Finally, the happiness has come and reached me,
A hand reaching through into the darkness,
Plucking me out,
Dragging me out,
Saving me from the consuming darkness.

Finding myself on the outside,
Owing to continue the work.
Finally living in the light,
The bright warmth of day.
To push myself into darkness and try to pull others out.

The light shall guide me.
Save me from succumbing.
Shall save me from downing.

Finally, the light and warmth as my armour,
To fight away the darkness.
To move into the light.

Finally.

It has come.

I have made it.

It has made me.

Finally.

Walking into the Pain Willingly

I am writing this, after helping a friend (and continually thinking about this), a dear friend, even though doing so is killing my inside. Hurts me, pains me, makes everything harder. But I do it, continue to do it, and do it willingly. Despite the pain it brings.


 

The pain, here it comes, here I bring it.
Stepping on fire, that you know is there,
Pressing a knife to your head, as the pain drips down your side.

Yet I do this willingly.

The aspect of unending care, to help those, even as it pierces your soul,
Makes every day harder, more painful.

Yet I do this willingly.

It opens you up, yet you cannot find what’s wrong,
Cannot see what compels you to walk into this pain willingly.
This is a side no one sees
The problems of being ‘nice’; a façade everyone falls for.

Like walking around, with a knife pressed to your temple,
One that no one else can see.
That you show no one,
But it’s always there

Yet I do this willingly.

A simple Facebook message,
A song playing on the radio
Sight of a person
The mention of a name
The help you give to someone dear

Yet the pain.
It continues.
It hurts.
No one else can see.
You can see.
You can feel.

Yet I do this willingly.