Promise You

Promise you,
Care to stay,
No matter my troubles I face,
I will make it through,
To bolster myself against the demons of my past.

I promise you,
Your past,
You,
All of you,
I’m there for.

To stand by you,
In the dark, cold or rain.
To be there,
To see you smile,
That next time.

Having my own demons to face.
My own to beat.
My triumph to keep.
My promise to you, and to me.

A kindness,
Promised to you.
My care,
Promised to you.
One I’ll keep.

My promise to you.
One I’ll keep.

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I Know True

Knowing true,
What I know,
My path at a crossroads,
A question mark,
In the middle of an unended sentence.

Knowing true,
Me.
Realisation under the stary-night sky.
Sitting outside, content with it all.

Knowing the truth.
My truth.
Fire burning inside.
A calling to the world.
The echoes into the world’s night sky.
Me.
Lighting it up.
Lighting it up bright.

Bring me back to the bright.
Back into the light.

The truth.
The bright realisation.

Knowing me.
Standing defiant to the cold of night.
Flame burning bright,
Never to go out.
To show the world.
A spark to ignite the flame.
To brighten up my world.

To help those in need,
My truth.
A promise to keep.

Keeping my truth, my flame,
Burning bright.

Knowing me.
Knowing my truth.
My flame burning bright.

Care for a Kind Soul

Care for a kind soul,
Someone for whom I have total care.
No matter what I feel,
How much I hurt,
Everything overshadowed by my care,
My total care, for such a kind soul.

To see you sad,
Breaks me, only trying to make you feel better.
To see you ill,
I only wanting to support, and help you get better.
To see your past linger,
To listen, in kindness, to hear you out, to know you.
To know you,
To spend the smallest silliest moments with you.

Those stupidest, sweetest moments.
That’s what make me care.
Making every sadness better,
Making me better.

All feelings, hurt, everything. All put aside.
With my care. Care for you. Total Care.

Put aside, for my care, for a kind soul.


Writing this, thinking of my feelings in a moment, seeing a dear friend, someone I totally care about. No matter how hurt I was, had been, and they made me feel better, seeing them unwell, I felt nothing but care and wanting to do whatever I could to help.

A Goodbye I Am Reluctant to Say

A goodbye I am reluctant to say.
A goodbye, I knew may come,
But never wanted to,
Always put off.

The pain of letting go,
Someone you care about,
Someone whose happiness makes you’re day all that better.

Someone to talk with,
Laugh with.
And smile with.

But what if it’s all based on a lie?
A lie I tell,
To put aside the pain,
For a time.

I never want to hurt you.
That’s the last thing I want.
Maybe I should have said goodbye sooner,
The goodbye I am reluctant to say.
To spare you pain.
Or maybe you will feel none,
I surely hope you don’t.
No matter what I end up feeling.

A care, once given,
Always present,
But only can be from afar.

I care, always do, no matter what I show,
But hating, is the best way to shield from the pain.
The pain of caring.

I feel clear,
Yet also conflicted,
Thinking back the night,
The times all these years,
Remembering all the smallest details,
Just thinking of you.

I must say goodbye,
One I am reluctant to say.
Have always been reluctant to say.
My feelings,
They hurt me so.
While you don’t feel the same.

I understand,
But please leave me to heal,
Let me leave.
Let me live.

This is heartbreaking to say,
And as I type, reluctant.
Thinking of the memories,
Staying,
But the feelings slowly erasing.
I only feel sad.
Sad for my loss.
Loss of a friend,
Loss of a person I care about.

But as you’ve said.
Sometimes you have to let go,
To collect,
To heal,
To move on and be better.

That is what I have to do.
I’ve known for a while.

I have been better than before,
But the feelings won’t fade,
While I’m still around you.
I’ve known that since the start.

You’ll never know how much I cared,
How much I care.
I cannot explain with language.

But no matter,
I must go.
A goodbye, I am ever-so reluctant to say.
That committing the words is difficult.

Never wanting this poem to end.
Never wanting this goodbye to be said.

But seeing no other option.
All my closest friends telling me to get out.
Caring as though they are,
They don’t understand.

The main reason,
For this goodbye I am reluctant to say.
For you to be better,
To be unburdened by pain,
Pain that will come,
Sooner or later.
From my caring heart,
Too big for a single person to hold, but I do.
Wanting you.

To have the best.
Be the best.
And I fear deeply, that this means goodbye.

The goodbye. I am most reluctant to say.


Writing, with thanks to a few close friends, helping me to see what I should have. Helping me out when I needed it.

I had an amazing night with rough parts, sorry to say goodbye. Sorry for that. I always give my best and forget to make myself okay, always putting another first. For if you care about someone, that’s what you do, for a time. But this is totally like that. It is good most of the times, amazing even, but others, it breaks me apart. Even if these feelings are almost all good, I’m sick of lies, sick of trying to convince myself of hope or a lie I do not truly believe but want to.

My favourite quote ever, made by myself, before, thinking of the same person, paraphrasing, it goes like “I would face my demons, just so I could help you face yours”. This holds true. This holds true. But I have come to realise, with this one-way feeling, that I cannot face my demons, without saying goodbye to you, but I’ll always be hoping you face yours and win. Hoping you succeed. Will always be a call away in your time of darkest need. As, I always care, I always will.

Thinking of the singing tonight, the small things you said, how you do not care like I do. That’s fine. But I must get out.
I have deleted the poems written tonight in pain,
Instead to write true from my heart and mind.

Only sad to see it end,
Sad to see it end on this note.
Only hoping for your best.

I can write for hours and not say what I truly feel, what I truly want to say.
But I try.

I have been better recently, so much so, even if my poetry tonight and recently do not show. But, this is why I know I do need to leave. Do need to say goodbye. To avoid a dark place. As I come to realise, you do not care about me like I do you. I don’t have any blame to give. But I need to, find space to live.

I have a christmas present I still want to give, a small something, not about me, or us, but you. Something I hope you’d let me. But I guess that’s to be seen, or not.

Wishing you, the very best, something I know you can and will succeed.
I’m only saddened by the times, to be lost, past and future.
Saddened that I cannot be there to witness, your success.

Even after publishing I do not know if I really want to say this.
But you deserve the truth.
I hope to ever bone not to cause you any pain.
I’d rather anything and everything else.

But in the end,
I guess this is what makes this,
A goodbye I am so reluctant to say.

Written. Night of the 7th December. Leaving to publish later. To see if I can carry on without the saddest goodbye. I do not want to say.

Published, night of the 10th December, a record of how I felt. With recent happenings, chats, amazing times making it all complicated. But also amazing.

Ponderings On Feeling

Feelings,
A thin and fragile thread.
One felt and true.

A wondering thing,
Mapping out a path,
Ending up somewhere new,
Yet also familiar.

A fragile thread,
Beautiful in its own right,
Its own shining light.

A thread, linking past and present.
Through the new ‘you’,
From the old,
On into an unknown future,
One of ‘you’.

Uncertainty abound,
A new path waiting…
Waiting to be found.

A moving and shifting space,
Tenuous at times,
Unbreakable at others,
But all nonetheless, ‘you’.

The pains, troubles, breaks and strains.
Play this string,
Add to its story.

The amazing times, bliss and beauty,
Also playing their own unique tune.

A melody of this fragile string.
A unique tune,
Forming of a unique song.
One of you,
Nevertheless true.

Many parts to a whole,
An encapsulation,
A beautiful song.

Navigating, the shrouded maps of our minds,
Along.
Our thread of feelings.


Feeling much better, after a touching inaugural lecture, got me thinking. I’m good, I’m okay, it’s just been a long tiring day…

I’m pondering feelings, of all their types. To make a complete whole.

My rapid changes of mood, make it hard. Hard to understand for me and others.

Makes it hard, makes me sad, but also just accepting me. It’s hard as no one understands. Even looking at my Moodtrack, it’s been happy, consistent but not lacking occasional fluctuations.

I’m finally happy, finally me, something I’m grateful for, grateful for finding.

Thanks to all my closest friends, R and L to name a few, and especially one, who I cannot thank enough, helping me out of my past darkness and then bringing me back a light.

We all have difficulties and troubles, good times and bad. But we can make it through,

Navigating the shrouded maps of our minds and our realities.

How You Capture Me

Out of nowhere, you grab me.
A message and you’ve captured me.
You.
Just you.

You and your radiant beauty.
Without even trying.

Capturing me,
Mind, body and soul.
Your; mind body and soul.

Your simple, natural, whole beauty.
It’s just you.

Your natural shine,
Bright smile,
Cute face.
Perfection whole.
Perfection true.
Perfect you.

How you capture me,
In all those simple ways,
Simple, beautiful ways so true.

You capture me whole,
Capture me true.

How you capture me.


Written listening to Little Things by One Direction, their only song I like.

Another love poem, poem spurred by a kind, sweet message. One beautiful, natural and true.

Poetry Of Being

Poetry of being,
Liiving the moment,
Content in existence.

Thinking back,
Standing.
Back there,
You there mere steps away,
Side turned away,
Laughing,
Total beauty,
Just as you are,
Just you,
For you.

Then it hits me.
What natural picturesque beauty,
That I’ve managed to stumble across.
Thinking back across all those blissful moments shared.
Back to the moment we first met.

That very first moment,
Your beauty clear,
To me then as now.
But you truly shined,
Only once getting to know you.
The you behind the beauty.
The truest beauty to be found.

The beauty of a person behind,
Behind the shroud of not knowing.
The truest beauty to be found.
And then the songs sang.
The poetry of the world opened up.

To pick me up.
To give my all,
In everything I do.
Poetry of being.


Thinking, happy, of being, love, feelings. The truest feeling, to see beauty beyond the pretty face, beyond the beautiful body. The beauty of being; personality, smiles, crying. To know someone better and truer, in their times both happy and sad. There isn’t a better feeling.

This feeling isn’t everything, but it makes everything that much better.

Poem made listening to Beautiful Birds and Anywhere by Passenger

Wish I Could Show

Wish I could show,
Show how I care,
To show what I feel.
Show what I mean.

Wish I could explain,
Explain.
Your beauty.
To show you,
How I feel,
What I mean.

Show how you make me feel,
How you make me better.
Hoping I make you happy.

This world,
Full of uncertainty,
One thing I know.
How I feel.
In a world full of uncertainty.

Should I show?
Or should I erase?
Having tried before,
It failed,
When you came back into my life.

Wish I could show.
Wishing I.
Wishing I could show you,
What I feel,
What I mean.

Wishing I could show you.

Beyond Compare

Beyond compare,
You are beyond compare,
The way are.

The way you look,
Make-up or not.
Work uniform, pyjamas or casual.
Your beauty shines through,
Beyond compare.

Your beauty,
Others come by,
Beauty shining through.
But you.
You stand there,
No make-up on.
And you are beyond compare.

The way you are.
Beyond compare.

Your kindness,
Intellect,
Sweet voice,
Determination,
And those sweet moments with you.
You.

You.
The way you are.
Just you.
You are.
Always beyond compare.

Heartbroken to See You Cry.

Here I stand,
Watching you cry,
Trying to do what I can,
To reassure.

To be there for you.
The time of doubt,
Pain,
Worry.

A place of darkness.
Not wanting to leave you face it alone.
Not that you can’t take it,
But better not to, alone.

Heartbreak, at seeing one I care about the most.
Lost, sad and hurt.
The place.
Having been lost before,
I can relate.
Having myself,
Seen an end,
A final,
A end.

Not wanting to leave you to the claim of the dark.

To stand,
Even by your side.
Even just to be there in silence.
So you weren’t alone.
So you had company, care.

I, heartbroken, to see you hurt.
But yet determined.
To do anything I can.
To do anything I can.

Even to be there.
So you wouldn’t have to face the darkness alone.

I’d conquer my demons,
Just so I could stand with you to face yours.


Another storyesque, taken some artistic liberties, emotional hyperbole, linking with my past, feelings and thoughts, my being and essence.

That end stanza. One of my favourite lines/quotes I have made in the lifespan of this blog:

“I would face my demons, just to help you face yours”
– ‘Nice’Guy

This post reminds me of another poem I wrote a while ago, still mean every word, the feeling is still there, even though so much has happened in between; Anything For You, which is what I was going to name this poem, but I recognised I thought I used the name before. Read the poem and found out it’s all still true. Surprisingly. But all still true.