Pit Of Despair

Left in my pit of despair,

My home away from home.

The place I can call my own.

The prison of my mind.

The rushed desperation.

The hurt and hatred.

Irrational feelings and pain.

The rage and hurt.

This pit I find myself.

The rage and my despair,

The rushing pain.

Throwing me from comfort.

Down into pain and hurt.

Left alone, choking, in my pit of despair. 

My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Left Alone

Left alone,

That’s how it goes,

First to start,

Last to stop.

Left alone and predicted this,

That’s the way it goes.

The inevitable end.

The continuous path,

Expected and to be expected.

Left down, like a person with nothing left.

And loving it.

The rage and realisation.

The life and the longing.

The buildup and expectations.

The waiting and expectation.

Going on alone, as I know I must go.

The ongoing movement through time.

This onward treading.

The way it goes, and the way it must.

Ready for the shit that comes, as it always will.

No me gusta.

But that is life, the one I live.

The one I’ve been given.

The one I have and have to make.

The way I live, the way I go.

The good turning chaotic,

The way going blank.

The path turning off.

The way fading to black.

Living in the darkness and making it my own.

Owning the life that I lead.

Holding on tight to the war inside my mind.

Facing my firing squad.

Smiling in the face of it all,

In the face of the darkness and the pain.

Spitting in the face of death and darkness.

Making it mine,

Commanding it to my will and presence.

My will, it will become mine.

The path I must take,

Alone and smile.

The lonely road I walk.

To spit in the face of it all.

To face my fate,

To face my demons.

Spit in the face of it all.

The sinner of the world,

Of the darkness and the pain.

The path I walk.

The way I move.

The way I drift back and forth,

Drift off into the darkness,

Into my life eternal,

The eternal pain, ongoing and suffering.

To walk on and out,

Off into darkness.

On and off I go,

Moving on into the night.

Into the life that awaits.

This darkness I delve into,

Fight,

Rage,

Win.

Taking the pain,

Making it my own,

Making it mine.

Holding on in and through the rage.

Loving it with life as my witness.

Cutting the chord.

Stringing myself up in this life.

Loving ever second.

This rage and love,

Happiness and courage.

Weakness and strength.

Left alone, waking to my destination. The noose of the depths of the ocean.

And on I continue, left alone to my inevitable path.

Remembering The Times

Remembering the times,

Those good days,

Always a place in my mind.

The thinking, memories and the times.

Left in the feeling.

Of those good times.

The memories and places once been.

The memories and thoughts,

An ever-present reminder.

Living in the present,

Waiting for the times ahead,

Remembering those good times gone past.

A collection of memories,

A life, all on shown before me, of me.

A pleasant reminder,

Remembering the times.

Reminder Of Me

A reminder of me,

Who I used to be,

Free eternal, unbound and unchained.

Free-thinking, a spirit in good health.

Loving life for the friends who’ve touched me,

Those who unknowingly saved me.

To those I would do the same.

To save, to walk the ends of the earth for,

Those kind few, who reminded me of me,

Me of who I was,

Me of the worth of living.

The escape from a horrid past,

The needless pain,

To those who confirmed,

Who backed,

Those who supported.

I hold you dear.

Dear to my soul.

Dear to my being.

Those who reminded me of who I am and who I need to be, should be, will be.

Trickery From Within Trust

The friends who lie,

Deceive and mislead.

No matter what is said, a lie for one to be fooled.

All a lie from one to another.

The hurt caused,

Misleading someone,

Moving them along a path not their own.

Owned by the lie.

A trickery from within the comfort of trust.

Trickery from a person of trust,

A kind friend, was kind, was caring.

Now just a horrid trickster,

Hurting and hurting,

A happier lie, does it make bliss?…

No, a happy lie caused temporary alleviation,

Only to follow a deeper darkness.

Dark in its substance,

Dark in its reaction,

Dark to the loss of trust,

Dark to the once-friend turned trickster.

Left without one to trust, as the trickster tore you apart.

Left without trust as you were hurt.

By those you trusted.

Those who said they were there.

All a lie,

From within the trust the trickster sheds their false facade.

Leaving nothing but broken destruction in its wake,

A broken situation,

Broken mind and hurt living.

With no one left to turn to.

Wanting to cut all off.

To save myself the pain.

Of trusting the trickster,

To prevent the trickery from within the trust.

Living In The Moment

Living in the moment,

The presence of being,

Being in the present.

Living life to its completion,

To my goals and aims.

My world I form around me.

The world shaped by me.

The world shaping me.

My being,

Ever-present in this split-moment.

This life I lead,

Intertwined with those around me,

Those I care.

The presence of being.

The consciousness of living.

The breathing, heavy through my body.

Seeing, the wonders life brings.

Those moments passed. Moments remembered. Moments kept.

Through life, I remember.

I am.

I try to live in the moment.

Glad for what I have.

Glad for those I love.

Glad for those I care for.

Glad for the people who’ve touched me.

For those who’ve made me who I am today.

Living in the moment.

Making my mark.

Content in the moment and the mark I leave.

Living in this moment.
Inspired by this simple video I found and with recent events and happy moods did touch me: https://www.facebook.com/abnormalsociety1984/videos/1457852744309967/

To You, To Me

Sitting-silently[1]

That late night,

Came over feeling down,

Needing company,

Wanting a friend in the loneliness.

My heart outstretched,

My feelings true and whole.

Wanting to help you, see you,

To give you an ear to take.

You’d never be left alone.

To you, to me.

That kindness, those laughs,

A reminder of the world gone bright.

Defiance to those darkest times.

A promise of compassion and emptathy, to you, to me.

The promise of kindness.

To you, to me.

Image copyright of TinyBuddha.com

Those Times

Those times, at those moments you don’t notice,

Those times gone by,

Those moments gone past,

I understand as typing,

Those times,

Those changes,

Never change from the reality that is,

That may be.

That can be.

Always on the edge,

Always skirting around the problem.

The problem with me.

The me as being.

The changes as I am seeing.

Please don’t.

Why being.

Don’t say.

The uncertainty.

The craziness of the darkness that may be.

That may linger.

Even once the memories may fade.

Even as I may notice.

Don’t worry, don’t fret.

What may be what may be.

Don’t worry. Lovely of what may be.

What I can’t say

What I can’t say,

I won’t say to my best friend, my sister.

I can’t say as I won’t hurt you.

Can’t say, won’t burden you.

Can’t say, can’t be this way.

Won’t say, can’t say. I care too much.

Can’t say, won’t say.

You stand there, I can’t say, won’t say.

Don’t you worry yourself.

Just be yourself, let me be mine.

Don’t let me burden you.

Had words to say, but they are not right.

Not right but won’t hurt you.

Will leave you.

To not hurt you.

To free you.

To not hurt you.

Nothing matters more.

Just you be you and I will go on.