My Affliction.

Memory of what should be let go.

Hearing that mustn’t be heard.

Senses heightened, for what shouldn’t be known.

To let myself live, in the present. At all.

The affliction of knowing, when one should ignore.

Caring too much as I need to break out.

Break my chains, my mind and spirit.

Break apart all that is held together.

Broken and shattered through my affliction.

Remembering The Times

Remembering the times,

Those good days,

Always a place in my mind.

The thinking, memories and the times.

Left in the feeling.

Of those good times.

The memories and places once been.

The memories and thoughts,

An ever-present reminder.

Living in the present,

Waiting for the times ahead,

Remembering those good times gone past.

A collection of memories,

A life, all on shown before me, of me.

A pleasant reminder,

Remembering the times.

Out In The Sun

Out in the sun,

Warmth on my skin,

Light all around,

A cool drink in hand.

The warm summer sun,

All good, all content.

Outside and living life,

Using the summer sun,

The endless warmth.

The cool breeze.

That summer sun and all it provides,

Out in the sun.

Another day, another time.

Another warm day out in the sun.

From the day’s sun till the dead of night.

Out in the warm summer sun.

Reminder Of Me

A reminder of me,

Who I used to be,

Free eternal, unbound and unchained.

Free-thinking, a spirit in good health.

Loving life for the friends who’ve touched me,

Those who unknowingly saved me.

To those I would do the same.

To save, to walk the ends of the earth for,

Those kind few, who reminded me of me,

Me of who I was,

Me of the worth of living.

The escape from a horrid past,

The needless pain,

To those who confirmed,

Who backed,

Those who supported.

I hold you dear.

Dear to my soul.

Dear to my being.

Those who reminded me of who I am and who I need to be, should be, will be.

The Feeling Returns

The feeling returns.

Empty.

Alone.

Afraid.

Of being,

Existing,

The lack of meaning,

And the end,

The highs and the lows.

None ever change.

The feeling of emptiness,

That rattles my brain,

Leaves me with nothing.

Empty, alone and afraid.

Inside my mind.

A prison of my brain.

The chasm separating my fate,

From my hopes, dreams and aspirations.

All left when the feeling returns.

Inside my mind,

Only I can hear,

The screams, wails and cries.

Of the tortured soul that lies inside.

The gone person.

The empty soul.

The wrecked person. 

Unfixable,

Unwanted by the world.

All use turned to nought.

Left with lack of feeling.

Of what I do,

Empty, alone and afraid.

The tortured, tormented mind.

The prison for what may be.

Leaving me with nothing.

Just waiting for what may be.

Leaving me with no option, but to hope.

To pray.

For what I cannot do.

What I cannot do, but don’t know why.

Left alone with the torment of my thoughts.

The emptiness of feeling,

The thoughts running dry.

Happiness drying up.

Left with nothing left but torment.

Inside this prison of mine,

My mind,

Left tortured, alone, afraid, empty and left to drift off into oblivion.

This feeling always returns,

And I do not know why.

Left here wrecked, with my heart in hand,

The mind the killer,

Left here to drift off into oblivion, as those feelings return.

Little Gift From The Heart

Little gift from the heart,

This little treasure,

Care made tangible,

The little gift from the heart,

Showing me the way,

Showing me the value in being human,

Showing the light, to come from the next day.

Showing care in true form,

Feeling made whole.

The new day,

To shroud out the empty feeling,

Showing me the value of being human.

The value of living,

Through those little gifts from the heart.

The kindness,

The care,

The close friendship,

Knowing someone is there,

Knowing someone cares,

The little gift from the heart.

Funny how a gift from the heart,

Touches the soul.

Embodies a reality worth living.

The treasure to wait for,

The next day to come, to win, to live

And love life,

To love living.

The gift, to encapsulate feeling,

To stretch the mind out of darkness,

Into the light,

Into the beauty of living.

The gift of friendship,

That touches my heart.

Touches my soul.

Brings me to life.

Shows me what I could not see.

Shows me what I’ve missed,

What I stopped seeing,

What I’ve been missing.

The wholeness of being.

Wholeness of feeling,

The kind warm feeling.

The kind and caring friend.

Who writes onto my soul,

A mark of care,

The cherished feeling,

The sight worth seeing,

To life to keep living.

To care for all,

To be there for all.

To be me,

To value this.

To keep the feeling.

To remind me what I’ve missed.

The feeling of being

So much said.

So much to say.

So much,

Embodied,

Encapsulated.

By, through, this little gift from the heart.
Writing this, got a birthday present from my dearest friend. Gone through lots recently, this gift, a gift from the heart, a gift to show the truth. To show me reality. To remind me.

Total gratitude to all my friends, especially my closest friends, whom I will always be there for, will always care for, no matter where I go or however far I drift. The conversations, gifts, even merely hanging out.

These are the biggest and best gifts. The gift of life, the gift to remind how and why life is worth living. Those times where everything works out, where everything works, everything is good.

Being, loving life, loving my friends. Caring for my friends. As they do for me, and never fail to remind me, even if I sometimes find it hard to see. They’re there. All is good.

Future

The poem about the future for yesterday.

 

The future,

An endless, intricate complex web,

The pull of a thread, the change of the whole.

Intricate detail,

Unforseen until permanent,

Enshrined in total clouds of uncertainty,

Clouds of shrounded change

Until solidified.

The future holds great change.

Both good and bad,

Through this ongoing march into the future,

What choices will be made?

What paths taken?

What choices stuck to,

It will be full of happiness, regret, mistakes, love, health and happiness.

All together in a soup of complete intricacy.

A soup of…

The future.

Your Sweet Compliment

Your sweet compliment,

Words to warm my soul,

Fill my heart with glee.

Make me feel wanted,

Valued,

Cared about.

My, oh my, your sweet compliment,

Turns me spinning around,

High on excitement,

Gleeful and joyous.

I am sorry I cannot compliment you

Your presence is a compliment on life,

A reminder of the good.

No compliment an capture my feeling,

No words can say.

What I want to say,

To you.

Your sweet compliment.

Fills me with warmth.

Your sweet compliment.

No Good For Me

You’re no good for me,

Always there, even as it hurts.

As it kills me.

Need to realise,

Sometimes those clicks,

Those moments of clarity,

Given me pain,

Hurt.

Gone.

Am I blind to what you do?

Why do I walk into your knife.

Why do I do this?

Again.

And.

Again.
I will get through,

Hopefully without you.

As you are no good for me.