Will Miss You

To be missed,
Times gone,
The world of it all.

The times,
A moment held,
In the memory of the time.
How it all goes,
But then left, as the time comes to close.
Missing, before the end,
Anticipating, but wondering.
Thinking of the times,
Leading to this goodbye.
A simple goodbye,
To end, to cease.

This feeling,
All there is,
The memories,
Keeping in touch? Hopefully.
So much forwards.
Hoping the best,
Wishing the best,
Wishing an amazing trip.

Just as the moment fades, anticipated,
Also enshrined.

Off In The Drift

Off in the drift,
The sad goodbye,
A time at the end of a crossroad.

And all is said and done.
An empty feeling returns,
A time to end the night.

Off into the drift of time.
Fighting to try,
While the screams into the night.

The slow drift into the night.
The welcome return.
As all is done.

The night going to a close.
The welcome darkness,
The sad realisation.

Many thoughts,
Many feelings.
The darkness, a welcome presence,
A reminder.
Flashes of all those memories.

A world of hurt and pain,
Reminded to me.

As the mind falls.
The familiar feeling.
The beautiful peace of night.

A world going to close,
The sad echo of night.

As it is.
Off in the drift.
World closing around me.
Not the end,
But a reminder of it.

As the tears fall.
The mind’s realisation,
Comes a peace,
A sadness.
A chance and a end.

Off I drift.
Into the night,
At peace in this drift.
An uneasy peace,
A raging uneasy peace.
As the body breaks apart,
The mind spills forth.

Off into the drift.

Had the title for this poem for a couple days now, never could write, didn’t know the feeling, the words, my feeling, my thoughts.

I’ve found it all, watching an old tv show I liked, letting the mind wonder, thinking, of it all. Bringing me there. A place within the mind, good, sad, reminiscent, worried and ever-so sad I feel like crying until I cannot feel anymore.

While also feeling empty, having lost. Lost all. Without knowing anything. The world crumbling before me, when it’s all okay.

Wrote this listening to two old songs, sad songs from my past. 21 Guns by Green Day and Still Fighting It by Ben Folds.

Hope For A Time

The hope for a time,
A temporary feeling,
Knowing of its finite nature.
A quick resolution.

The time to come,
An end nearing,
Mixed feeling,
But life,
Its finite moment.

The time,
Turmoil within the mind.
Breaking from the thoughts,
To live in the life.

Where the possibility taints reality,
The actuality shining away through the maybe.
Oh how the change,
The life, how it, changes.

Moments of being, potential,
Turning into living,
A moment gone so fast,
A blink and its missed,
But always remembered,
Its casual beauty,
Sweetest simplicity.

A sweet song of time,
Timelessness and truth.
Of possibility, fear and courage.

Hope and trials,
Looking into the sunrise,
The orange warmth of light,
The bright new day,
With the close, of the last.

Times, trials,
And on I walk.
To make past,
A reality of change and continuity, familiarity and not.

Oh while this time,
Passes on into time.
I sitting,
Hoping and knowing.
I sit here and smile.

Tear and smile down my cheek,
A remnant of this time,
Shining from the past,
Onto this moment.
With the next still to be formed.
Only a time, to see.
Hope, for a time.

Written listening to Change My Life by Ashes Remain and some Ed Sheeran.

Thinking about a lot, happy but also mixed, so so much has happened recently. It’s so crazy, all amazing, all phenomenal, but still I worry sometimes. It sometimes takes actuality, to show the worries up.

Writing about a lot with this, so much that has happened recently, vague but an attempt at a rambly poem. Aimed to capture the discourse, perception, reality, contrast and brightness, the question and uncertainty, but also hope and feeling.

Taken Aback

Taken aback,
A chance occurrence,
From nowhere, it finds me,
After I had given up,
It shows me,
Nothingness isn’t the state of the world as it is.
Nothingness is a state of loss,
Of a person harmed,

Ever-trying, never to let go,
To fight back the the dark embrace,
This is it.
This is the light.

Taken aback, after I lost myself,
Let go of the light,
Those times,
Occur, leaving me taken aback.
By the reality occurring.
By the time that happens.

Taken aback, as colour flows back into the world.
As warmth fills my gone-empty heart.

Oh how I’m taken aback,
From this state of emptiness,
Loss, of the world.
A loss, to the world.

But in such the briefest encounter,
Briefest words in such a temporary time,
I feel,
There is more.

There is a warmth,
That once again I can feel.

Better Through the Goodbye

Better through this goodbye to come,
The times shining in my mind.
Hoping, chatting and being.

A time to come,
A goodbye to be said,
To grow and be better.
To try before the final.

Bettering before this goodbye.
Hoping it’s just for a time.
Though it’ll be a while.

Bettering through this goodbye.
All the possibility.
To strive, stretch and be better.

Thinking, feeling,
Thinking of you,
A better me,
Trying, as I have.
Finding place,
Finding a time where I can try.

The betterment before the goodbye.
Before the finality,
Trying to hold on to.
Myself, being better.
Whilst keeping true to truth.

Thinking of a friend, a really good friend I don’t really know. A friend I’m trying to be better for, trying to self-improve my life in so many ways. Knowing, we’ll be saying goodbye for a while, hopefully not for good. But being better as I try. Been an amazing day, an amazing time seeing them. Trying, being and being happy with this.

End of a Goodbye

End of a goodbye,
A memory of tears,
Seeing you go,
Out that door, reluctant.
The moment crystallised in memory.
Memory of a goodbye.

The mistake I never said.
A goodbye thought to be final.

And comes the end.
The end of the goodbye.
A time to meet,
Bringing about total, pure happiness.

To know I may see you again real soon,
Something to look forward to.
To think of,
Hope for.

Against all odds.
The end of a goodbye.
A time to meet.
Not expected,
Bringing total excitement and hope.

The memory crystallised in memory,
Our goodbye,
The sight of you leaving.
The tears in your eyes.
The end of our moment.

Here to the now.
The end of the goodbye.

Written, thinking of the goodbye, and how we’re hopefully meeting up again, a good friend, one who helped me through so much, before and now, every moment with them the casual ones cooking, having breakfast, making tea, discussing international relations and even one night drinking and ending up in their bed, nothing much but, it was bliss. They were, are, kind, pretty and amazing.

The poem I wrote, to our goodbye were:

Unexpected Moments

That True Feeling

How I talk of the feeling, the unexpected moment, the simple ‘hello’ out of nowhere. Something, sometime, someone I will never forget.

Never Will See

Never will see,
Lost to time,
The way I saw you, felt.
And you laughed at me.

And just ended with a goodbye.
Lost to time.
Lost, left and starved in the cold winter frost.

The care, glowing warm,
Like a cigarette before,
Being stubbed out and left.
In the cold dark of night.

A final end,
To all the trying and care.

Never to be seen.
Left on that cold sidewalk,
In the depths of a winter’s night.
Left out in the cold floor of a winter’s night.
To fade away,
Irradiate all it’s heat and light.
In that cold winter night.
Never to be seen.

A Goodbye Never to be Said

A goodbye, meant true.
Truly sad that this is the way it must be.
I truly am.

Only caring.
Wanting to go.
So you can be free,
I know that I cannot be.
Just friends.
Even as I do wish I can be.

I hope, this you never read.
That you find success happiness and love.
All you will find and deserve.

Even if we’re apart and I block you out.
It’s never because I hate you.
Even if it seems it is.
Deep down, even past my facade.

It’s about care,
Pure and simple.

Wanting you to go on.
Enough is enough.
You need this for you.
And I’m happy to give.

Because I care.
Caring too much,
Is my biggest fault.

But is who I am.

You’ll go far,
That I do not doubt.

For us both,
I cannot be there.

Of all you’ve shared and told me.
I’m sorry it had to come to this.

Always have been.
Always knew this was the way it would go.
I don’t regret meeting you.
Even if I may say,
Or show otherwise.

I always care.
Hoping for your best,
A truly kind friend.

A truly kind person.
Who deserves so much.
And that is why.
I wouldn’t want to stay.

And this.
Is a goodbye I could never say.
A goodbye I would never want to hurt you.

My goodbye.
A goodbye, never to be said.

Sad Feeling of a Moment Bid Farewell

The sad feeling to a moment bid farewell.
A end, cessation.
Bidding farewell to a moment once had,
A feeling once known,
Or so I thought.

A goodbye, bitter-sweet.
A time farewell.
The slipping out my hand,
Of turning my back,
And walking away,
Off into the night.

The new to greet.
A face-turning to look back.
At what lied in my past.
A sad-broken smile.

The memories living on,
In that moment.
Before being left behind,

The sad feeling, of a moment bid farewell.

Still overthinking, not feeling too bad or sad, just overthinking. I’m very good at writing sad/love/sad love poems before bed.

Got some books ready to self-publish when I find a way and get the chance.

Remembering those moments that I don’t want to bid farewell makes me happy and I’ll do that to help. Thinking of those moments.

The momentary sadness always passes, it’s normal, it’s starting to a little after I’ve written this poem making myself feel happier. Now for a good rest.

Sad Contentment

Sad contentment,
The realisation.
A sad goodbye.

Realising the pain,
The total bliss.
The amazing times and the rough ones.
Are not worth the pain,
The pain of a turned back,
An enjoyed pain,
Waiting and hurting.

A sad contentment,
From the realisation.
Of what is worth, and what isn’t.
What I saw as worth,
What I always believed,
With others telling me to go.
I always stayed.
To make sure the okay.

A sad contentment,
The realisation I was wrong.
That it’s not worth it.
Even as I still think it might be.
It isn’t.

Back to the hatred to pull myself from it,
Underpinned by a sad contentment.

The saddest goodbye I’ve never wanted to say.
But I have to,
With sad contentment.
Wishing to stay,
But knowing I cannot,
I’ve known for a while.

But convinced myself otherwise,
To get at that high,
Those smallest of moments,
Smallest of times, making the whole world bright.
Making everything better.

Knowing I have to go, but wanting to stay,
Linger a little longer,
To get to know.

But I have to go.
Off into the wild brush.
With a sad contentment,
I tried,
What I could.
Tried to be the best I could be.

A sad contentment,
Being better, stronger.
The goodbye, a show of strength against all I wanted.
The need of a goodbye.

A sad contentment, getting by.
A sad contentment.
A sad goodbye,
One I do not want to say.

Off I go.
In sad contentment,
Times and feelings that I’ll miss.
Knowing I tried.

Off I go,
In sad contentment,

Writing, I’m okay, in realisation. I care, I don’t want anyone thinking I don’t. I care, I don’t hate, could never hate (at least not truly to my heart). But. Sometimes you need to get out, even though their are good times, even if they all outweigh any bad, and even make the bad very temporary. I’m tired living a lie. A lie I’ve told myself for so long. I always value truth, especially to myself, the only thing I’d ever consider lying to myself. But I cannot anymore.