Lost For Words

Lost for words
Beautiful moment.
A crystal, so much and little.
A world, inside the shard.

Casual perfection,
Precious moment,
Shared, experiencial,
A moment finite and gone.

I,
Am lot for words,
In this moment,
Mind a blur,
Thoughts running amok.

It all.
Fleeting and perfect. It all,
The place.
It all,
That smile,
So casual,
The laughs.


Perfect, words lost me. Perfect. Aoboutely perfect. Amazing time at my friend’s house for dinner and I brought dessert, a movie, deep and varied chats. Perfect in its totality. A night to remember.

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Will Miss You

To be missed,
Times gone,
The world of it all.

The times,
A moment held,
In the memory of the time.
Nice,
How it all goes,
But then left, as the time comes to close.
Missing, before the end,
Anticipating, but wondering.
Thinking of the times,
Leading to this goodbye.
A simple goodbye,
To end, to cease.

Okay,
This feeling,
All there is,
The memories,
Keeping in touch? Hopefully.
So much forwards.
Hoping the best,
Wishing the best,
Wishing an amazing trip.

Just as the moment fades, anticipated,
Also enshrined.

The Time To Be

The time to be,
A time,
Looking forward in anticipation.
Looking forward to that moment,
That time,
So nice the chats,
All the times of the past,
Looking forward in the mind,
That time,
A time to be.

The time in the making,
All the time,
Good in every moment,
Even through the thinking,
The thinking of all to come.
Worries,
It all being worth facing,
The kind feelings,
Nice moments,
All at peace,
In the most finite moments,
Beautiful times.

All being at peace,
Those nicest moments.

This time to be,
These moments,
In the making.
Feeling full,
In the moment.
Of the being.

In those moments,
On display in the mind.
In time.
Of it all.

The crossroads ahead,
Ready for it all,
While also not,
In all the uncertainty.

Okay for the coming times.
All the beauty,
Happy-sad times in the moment.
To be found in time,
Oh how it all happens,
The times and the change.

It all,
Waiting,
Moment by moment,
A time in feeling,
In the time.

In the.
In this,
In the time to be.


Nice, writing this, thinking of all the times to be.

All the moments, really nice day out with my dad, talked to the friend I’m meeting up for a movie night with. Quite ecstatic, chatting is always nice. Remember it exactly when I first got to chatting them. A total surprise at the first moment, chatting all nerdily about Star Wars and got to talking about so much more since. About passions, aims, experiences and it was awesome. So much since, helping, chatting. All really nice. Worried about things in the future, but this feeling. Helps to dispel the worries, thinking about all those good times.

Re-met

Re-met.
Those times of old,
Memories held,
Times of old.

The good and bad.
A mixture of all the times,
What it all holds.

The trials and trying.
To hold.
To hold and think.
All those good times,
With the reminders,
Of those times forgotten.

The slight chances,
The changes,
The being and the times.

Oh how these times take hold,
Of it all,
How it all plays out.

Those times,
Reminders of old.
Good times and the old,
Those times of it all.

As the choir sings,
The singing of the time.
The songs of the old.

Moving on,
In the ever-expanse of time.
Oh how it is,
How it holds and is.
How it can take.

The beauty of the new,
Re-met in time.
Of all the times that may come,
May be and is.

The beauty,
Left in uncertainty,
Oh how it fades,
How it doesn’t,
Yet remains the same.

The place,
The time,
The chance.
Re-met,
For it all.
What these times bring.

Oh what they bring.
Chances and the times.
To be re-met in the moment,
In that time.


Had a good day, dad down to visit. Was good. Thinking of the future, the good times and the bad.

After It All

After it all,
It all and the feelings left,
The world of spleandor in the path,
A world made right.

Raging in the world to make right.

A good place to be found.
The world of the right.
Good times, good people and life.

The world,
So right in place,
Fighting to keep the light.

Trying to fight,
To keep.
To be.

In all that is thrown at me.
Trying to be.
To keep.
The light burning bright.

Holding this flame so tight.
To keep it burning bright.
Raging, to keep this light.

All.
After it all.
To keep the light burning bright.


Stressful day, long and stressful shift at the end. But feeling really good, did all I could, tried my best and happy. So brilliantly happy. Happy and thinking of a friend and meeting up later.

So much in my future unknown, no time to try and sort it. Desperately trying. Quite worried but feeling really happy in this moment.

Glad. After it all. My friend. Many friends. And the absolutely brilliant people I work with. Made this shift brilliant, throughout the stress and worries. This is why I love working, why I love where I work. The amazing people I have gotten to know. Many different, from places and backgrounds I can never know. But all brilliant in their own brilliance.

It all will be hard. Me trying to sort out me, keeping working and chasing this future I want. But I’m amazed at the greatness of everyone I’ve managed to see. People of totally amazing quality.

Making it all worth it. So happy! So fucking worried about so much. But happy in this moment. As the worries stay. The happiness is something to hold on to, briefly. But as long as I can.

After it all.

Walking That Fine Line

Fine line,
The chaos and pain,
From the moving in time.

Walking the fine, terror or survival,
Panic or silence.

As the darkness grows,
Realisation, sudden.
Pain, seeking.

Panic, and the calm.
Rage and disappointment,
A past erased in all its forms.

A pain enshrined,
For all the lessons it gives,

A fine line before me.

To tread lightly,
The pain my guide,
To lessons learned.

Music plays,
That song goes on.

Pain of a memory, crushing,
The page turned. Chapter closed.

This fine line, tread.
Walking forth.

The guiding light.
Take me away from the dark.

A fine line,
Knowing better how to walk.


Since I started writing this, this morning, there has been lots. Felt okay, before a mixed day ensued, then a productive few hours on my essay but still. Wrote this, in a number of ways within my own mind.

Happy with how it turned out. Mixed, mixed feelings, hope also.

Thinking about paths, life, decisions, how they are dialectical, dichotomous, and even mutual in their dichotomous similarity.

Sad Melody

Sad melody,
Off into the night,
A time in this moment.

As the song goes on,
All it may be,
As all of it is.
The sweet-soft sound,
Of a soft sad melody.

As the sound goes off,
Fading,
Off into the night.

This sad song,
Full of regret, and not.
Full of mixed happenings,
A song of life.

All there is,
A stroke on the page.
Writing fading into paper.
Mind, into writing.

So much,
So little,
The sad beauty of life,
A song ongoing,
Into the fade,
Of history,
Of the song, onto the page,
Ever to be played.

A sad melody,
The sweet-sad song of life.
In all it goes,
It may be.

Ever, off, into time,
Into its own place.
A sad song, sad melody,
Off.
Into time.


Such a weird mood, happiness and sadness, all at the same time. Without really knowing why. Like this poem, captures, or tries to, the uncertain dichotomy of life, feeling, being, uncertainty, of life.

A Way When I Cannot See

A way when I cannot see,
Try though as I may.

Lost in a flurry of confusion.
A way to be found,
Will be found.
Trials and trials,
Fighting for life, stability.

It will be.
I will try.
I must.

Oh how these paths are never clear,
Always dark,
Obscured from view,
Without faith for any path, until,
It is already walked down.

Obscured from view,
To push on.
To try.
To find this path,
Trying to forge from which I cannot see.

A path, a flame so bright.
Wavering in uncertainty.
Wavering, flickering,
Going cold but not dead.

Finding in the dark.
Something to be excited for, in the light.

But Not

But not.
Living in those smallest moments,
Loving the life.
So many worries yet to come.

But while,
In this moment.
The fade.
Feelings, introspective,
Of it all.

Of all this.
Of these times.
Feelings, an unending puzzle.
Questions left in the mind.

Of all there is,
Peace and not.
Walking down this road.

Through it all,
The calling,
Into time it all flows.

Okay.
But not.
Unsure,
But not.

Wondering, wandering in this time,
But not.


Had an amazing day, saw friends I haven’t in months, some as far back as Christmas. Was really good. After we left, felt a bit sad.

Lots of things, the “post-good-time” sadness I usually get. Thinking of the future, of being alone generally, don’t talk to family much, friends leaving, I’m leaving home. Sad I’ve changed a lot, most is good, but worried about some stuff changing negatively, but maybe, probably just me thinking.

Thinking of the past, lots of changes, lots of growth, but feeling a little alone, lost, happy yet also sad, and lots more.

Definitely was a good day and don’t want to seem ungrateful for this amazing time, but yeah. Lots of introspective thinking.

Peace As May Come

Peace as may come,
In the night,
From its place, place in the day.

How it flows in,
Around.
At rest, peace,
In being.

Worries abound,
But,
I’ll find a way.

Way in time,
A way to go.

The time as it flows into place.

In time,
Peace to be found,
In place and time.


Writing this, had a good day, a long one, but a good one. Feel a little bad about my last poem. Don’t regret it, I meant it, felt it in the moment. But all turned out well. Probably my own stress and overthinking.

Felt at peace, more at peace today. Overall, still so many worries about my future, but J have no choice but to face them, to try.

I’m happy, happy and at peace, with lots still in flux.