Path To Be Seen

There It is,
The path that is to be seen,
Amongst the unknown,
I can find.
I can be.

Not knowing my path,
Finding a knowing,
One that sets me free.

Seeing the world,
Seeing its normalcy,
Content,
Being and to be set free.

A path seen,
Amongst its lack of clarity.
The place found.

Finding and set free.
Set free by the casual.

Finding to be.

As the world,
Rings out.
Its confusion,
Trying to find a path,
Make a trek,
Finding,
A path,
To find,
To be,
Me.

Let it all.
Just be.
Letting it ring past.

Amongst the calm night.
It is, let be.
As I, let it be.


It’s been a good day, did a lot of photography, sorted plans for more and plans for doing my own independent research and as one of my lecturers suggested, sending a revised and added-to essay I wrote for them to a journal. Don’t have enough time, but as always I’ll make time. Also my best friend, we chatted a little today, and I’m looking forward to spending their birthday with them!

Just wrote a comment on my favourite photographer nearby’s social media.

My true aim is, to capture beauty in normalcy. Not having to go somewhere exotic or far away, you can find beauty, inspiration and pristine bliss wherever you are. You just have to look. Even if it is hard, you just have to let your mind look.

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Words To The Feeling

Of it all,
Pondering,
Pain,

A world so real and full of it all,

To feel,
Be,
Validated, without intention,
Making, what was real,
More so,
A burden lifted.

Helped through the time,
To keep,
Defiance by my name.

To hold truth,
To rage and be,
To understand and feel,
Allow the pain to be real,
To heal over,
Make true.

To be.

To allow,
To heal,
Defiantly,
To rage into the pain of life.
To remember the strife,
Caused.
Broke me,
To allow me to see.

Thank you,
With all my gratitude.

Bringing forth a flame to burn bright.
Letting me see, see and see again.

There are none.
No words to express.
Words to the feeling.


Hung out with my best friend I haven’t seen in ages. They apologised for not being able to meet up, not making time. Truth is I avoided it. Needed to sort stuff out. Finally got to see them and feeling a world better.

One thing I said, they thanked me, for putting the words to the feeling, something they didn’t know how to put. And hearing that lit me up inside. Happy to help, understand and be understood. Helped to validate pain I felt without seeking, needing or wanting it.

Amazing day, work was hectic but got stuff done, felt a bit bad at work, just my mind, always trying my best and never being good enough as I want, even if others don’t think that. I do, always wanting to be better. Then seeing my friend was amazing in the silliest and mundane things but was amazing. Seeing another friend in the evening.

Feeling good and things are lifting up.

Can’t Give In

Can’t give in,
Can’t give up.

Giving up hope,
In humanity,
No matter what it shows,
Pain and life,
Of all that is inside.

Can’t give in, give up,
On human feeling,
Human being.

Feeling the world,
Running, through the skin so deep,
As it is,
Running,
Through feeling,
Being.

Remembering that human feeling,
And holding on.
Holding tight.

Letting the rains above,
As the drops hit my skin,
Rain down,
In feeling,

As all,
Leaves past,
Uncaring,
Letting the fade,
Consume,
I,
To make amends,
For the darkness letting take hold.


Amazon night out with friends, thinking, talked to a homeless guy for a bit. Thinking.

Playing This Game

Playing this game,
A game, rules corrupt and unkind.

Having to play their own game to go on.
No matter how I don’t want,
Playing this game.

Rewarding emptiness with.a face turning away,

No time or place,
In a world inkind, uncaring.
No place for kindness given,
Taken and left,
Only until needed once again,
To give what the world doesn’t show,
Waiting in vain,
Hoping for kindness to come,
As I always try,
Only trying to keep true,
Always shown to be useless,
Taken advantage of,
As I walk off the cliff,
Over and over again.

The same scene,
Playing over and over again.

Seeing what always passed,
Expected,
Coldness,
In the world I try.
Warned by so many,
A reminder of the world so cold,
Uncaring in its whole.

Knowing the game,
But having always refused to play.
But I go on,
Only to see and hope it changes.
For kindness, as I always try.
Knowing,
I’m fighting the game itself.
As I try and try,
To change the rules,
To make kindness,
To be,
To try,
And change the rules.

Looking up,
At the star-speckled sky.
Hoping and trying to change,
Through kindness I wholeheartedly give,
Knowing, I fail,
Fail to change.
The mind refusing to surrender,
Keeping on trying.

Playing this game,
Changing up the rules,
Hoping to change,
Showing what is in need.
What everyone wants, hope for,
Small kindnesses,

Always trying,
In a game that’s so tiring,
But I don’t tire,
Hope for the change.


Thinking, last night, was a little rough, only a little. A friend, my friend apologised to me, or kind of, they recognised some stuff they did and how rough it was, the way they treated me. Even my reply, being so used to it, being used, ripped apart.

Chatting today was better so much nicer and they’re coming down to see me and they’re coming earlier and going to a friend’s party with me.

Got me thinking, if I got a penny for every time I’ve been used or wronged then I’d own an island of my own.

Lots of apologies given, they always seem to alien, I’m used to being abused without remorse. Sad. Sad. Upsetting but oh well.

Caring, that’s the problem. Most people, friends and otherwise ask, why bother caring without ensuring I’m paid back. But that’s not me. I do, hoping, kindness can be repaid with kindness while not expected. But that’s not how humans work.

I guess I need to learn the human game, and play humans at their own game.

Had a good day, guess I’m just thinking.

The Calling

The calling,
The feeling,
Living in the day and the night.

Remembering and holding on.
All the calls,
Within the night,

As it all goes,
Hope,
Brought from within memory.

A call back,
Into the once light shine.

As this light goes.
Fueled from within,
Through the light and memory.
Hopes, through uncertainty.

Memories clear and bright as the day.
As with those sweetest memories,
To stay and keep,
To keep for and from another day.

A.
Reminder of another bright day.
Another time,
Another place,
Another feeling.
Giving me feeling in place,
Another light burning bright.

The light of another time.
Through and into calling.
Light, shining bright.

A fire to let me go on.
Hope and light,
To call me out of darkness.
Hope for light.

Calling for light, life and for another time.


Writing this, thinking, of the good thought, the good memory, of my friend who’s gone abroad, having an amazing time and the memories of those many but all too few times. Messaging late at night, all those times. Waiting for their bus with them, chatting, laughing, hanging out, nerding over our passions and past-times. Giving me some hope.

Defiant Rage

Defiant rage,
Raging out,
Defiant against the pain.

Holding on those good memories,
That warm against the fade.
Bringing with it a hold,
A grasp,
Onto reality.
Thinking, remembering.

Defiant against the pain and the haters.
To rip out the pain.
Violently I shake myself back into existence.

To remember, to feel.
Raging to feel alive,
As it burns against my skin.
Gritting my teeth.
Just to feel alive.

Bringing myself out of the pain,
Through the burning flames of the mind.

Letting the flames wrap around.
Creativity and life,
Burning deep.
Burning deep inside.

A defiant rage.
To feel,
See,
Breaking out,
Breaking apart,
To feel.

To make,
Whole.
Breaking off the past.

Remnants from a wretched existence.

Breaking free to find.
To be free.

Let it all out into the night.
Memories of that last moment,
Dark but also with its own shine.

Breaking free,
Finally,
As I remember all those sweet times,
Slight reminders,
Reminders,
Bringing me back to life.

Holding on,
To the only bright light,
That I can find,
From those depths of despair.

Passion,
Care,
At home.
Finding those moments,
Free,
Better,
Alive.

Bringing,
Bringing hope out,
Alive.

From those times,
Gone but for a little while,
But bringing life.
To feel alive again.
Reminders,
Kind, sweet, at home, and alive.
Reminder away from the pain.

The times,
Those times, those nights.
Nothing, but everything,
Everything all the same.


Feeling better, angry at the pain endured, continued, hurt but defiant all the same. Defiant to wretched pain wrought.

Defiant, but happy, remembering good memories, kindness given over a long time of being in pain. A time where I could merely be myself, open up, be nerdy and not judged. Help and in doing, also be helped. Without any intention to be helped. Kind times, just really good and nice and giving hope for the future.

Can’t Help But Think

Can’t help but think,
Feel, see and think.
A time,
One of many past.
Reminders, of all.
Oh how, what?
It all fills my mind.
Drives me crazy, but happy.
Wondering and thinking.

But what?
How?
Why?
Oh my brain hurts,
With all the questions and feeligs,
The being,
Bringing me,
Showing,
Hurting but also showing me life.

I turn away,
Ignore,
Walk down the path,
Shielding from my eyes,
Fearful of pain.
Wondering,
But fearful of the pain already felt,
Already found.
But knowing.
Thinking.
Feeling.
Wishing I could get past.

Oh how I care and it kills me,
Wanting to care,
Give the world,
Be a light shining bright.
To care.

But as I shield,
Pretend to ignore,
My mind acclimatises,
Forgets what it never will,
Feins to not know,
Bury deep questions that would crush.

Not a path I wish to take,
But one I can’t find a way around.
Caring.
A question, always causing pain.
But not always bad, but always hurt.

Oh how to explain,
Caring that hurts, but isn’t bad.
Caring that just is,
Just is caring.
A state,
Of being, been and to be.

Of it all.
I.
Can’t help. But think.


Totally amazing night, with old friends I haven’t seen in ages. But it’s got me thinking, deep pondering. Not feeling bad, but amazing, but deep in thought in a mixed way. Writing lots of, probably incoherent feelings here. Truth and ramble.

But the image is another I’ve taken.

Odd But Good Times

Odd but good times,
In how they are made,
Made and pass.

Feeling at home,
At home and free,
Surprised to feel,
In a world once so cold.
Getting stronger everyday,
Reflecting in this world.
So much seen,
So much,
So far.

And here I am.
Here I’ve found,
Wanting to bring,
To try,
To help souls;
Lost and in the dark.
A debt I owe, for myself,
To try.
To keep fighting those bad times,
Keep fighting.

To find.
Made.

And here I am,
Having fought to find.
Fought, embraced, and come to know,
My demons,
As they stood and stared.
Till they, relegated to the past.
They, stay in the past.

Having to keep on the fight.
To keep.
While I try.
To help,
Others,
Through empathy,
An open doorway,
A doorway,
To feel, to see.
A world not my own.
But also just so.
Collective feeling,
Collective hardship.
The living,
Of and within humanity.

Care,
Never to leave my side,
Never to leave my mind.

Trying to give,
Help and to keep dear.

In these odd and good times,
I continue to feel.
Continue to be and see.

A world perfect in imperfection.
Perfect, just to be and see.

A world there,
Just to be felt.


Just feeling good and pondering, happy, the picture is another one I took.

Unregretful

Unregretful,
For the times, even in the dark,
Within the darkness,
Keeping a light shining bright.
A light of hope,
Hoping for all the best,
For the world to find,
Care always given,
Even if to behidden deep.

So many memories,
Wished to be relieved.
Now for the truth come to,
Yet on shaky ground, within my own mind.

Unregretful,
The chance encounter,
Hoping for all the best,
The sun rising on life,
Healing.

Hope, care for humanity,
But a part,
Within my mind,
Fearful,
Wanting to hide away.
Despite…
Unregretful.

Without regret.
With only hope for the best.

Something I cannot help.

And not knowing if I would change,
As,
I am without regret.

The past,
Remembered,
The pain beginning to fade,
But even now,
Without regret.

I was once broken,
But always wanting to help,
Still,
Wanting to,
Help the broken and fractured souls of the world.
Never giving up,
Never giving as much as I want.
But I always try.

Care for the world,
Knowing,
Being alone, empty, hurt and in despair.
Always wanting,
To help,
To not leave another in that state.

I, in this caring state.
Unregretful, for caring,
For trying to help,
For the hope and best wishes given, even if hidden from sight.

For this, I have no regret,
Being, caring, hoping and making.
To find and hold all the best in this world.
No matter the darkness headed this way.
I am unregretful,
Knowing, making.

And here I am.
Without the slightest regret.
Glad to know and be.
To be and care,
Even if hidden from all.
I continue on. And on.
Unregretful.
For it all.
The moments, memories,
The good and bad,
Knowing, I am.
Caring, trying and being.
Here I stand.
Unregretful.


Feeling happy, unbelievably happy. Pondering, contemplative. Thinking. Haven’t written something so heartfelt, meaningful and with clarity in a very long time. Happy and at peace.

A conversation with a friend a few days ago, put things into perspective, something going on for a while but I haven’t realised. Every aspect, work, home, friends, strangers, my caring nature and empathy. Even realising this fully when I mentioned helping over 4 people online, who I’ve never met, messaging them, listening random strangers without need or being made to. But I do, I’m glad, helping, to listen when sad, to listen when alone and the world is so crushing. Random people who I listen to and help, may not be much kindness. But, in my dark past, it would have meant the world, and it did on those few occasions.

Even staff feedback at work, people above and below me, noticing my care, help and assistance and empathy, even when I don’t notice it myself.

Feeling unbelievably happy and contemplative but so very happy. Here is a picture I took on a photography trip for all day on Monday.