The Lonely Silence Of The Dark

Lonely silence of the dark,
The dark days gone past,
Those yet to come,

Waiting for those light days, the ones to look forward to.
To hope for,
To live for.

When the darkness of the night is all around,
With silence as the figure lurking in the dark.
The depths of night.
An impenetrable shroud;
Thick, dark, all-consuming.
Suffocating at a touch.

The feeling of life,
The memories returning,
But only for a time.
The deep sadness,
To accompany the lonely silence of the dark.

Advertisements

Out Of Mind

Out of mind,
I hide the feelings,
Scared of where they could take me,
Offered care and kindness.

Trying to keep the pain out of my mind.
To keep in the happiness,
A game of pretend,
To ignore my mind and emotions.
The pain that comes with darkness.
The shining light, that echoes in the darkness.

The mind, clouded with worry, sadness and uncertainty.
Trying to push all feelings out of mind.
Trying to save myself from my demons.

An attempt to hold strong against the dark.
To keep the leeches at bay.
To wipe my mind,
To save the body.

Out of mind is the answer,
Or it must be,
The solution I face,
Only way past it.

Out of mind.
To cope, to save me.

Rift

Rift running deep,
Evicerated by the thoughts.
Turmoil of emotiness,
The rage in the quiet.

The silent darkness,
Walking through the dark alone,
The darkness my home.
Defiant and strong.
The rage my instrument

Thinking of time.
Confined to the mind.
Emptying out my pain.
Filling it with rage,
Turning it empty.

Myself, a dark night,
Dimly lamp-lit.
A figure stabdibg on the corner.

Silently watching,
Everything let go.
The darkness, the silence and emptiness all a familiar friend.

Friends unfamiliar,
Living without seeing.
Unable to help regardless.

A confusing state,
This rift.
Rift of mind,
Rift of sight,
Of being and of thinking.

Left to the black emptiness.
Somehow tricking myself into and out of feeling.

An emptiness without sadness,
Without happiness.
Mere being.

Sad words to others,
For me, a state i understand,
A state i cannot feel,
This rift within me.

Mistake

Silly mistakes,
Costly ones.
Thoughts and worries,
Rushing through my head.
Unable to think or sleep.
Over what I have done.

My mistake made.
My mistake made.

The worries all-consuming me.
The crazy worries.

Unable to sleep,
For my mistake.

An error made in rush and panic.

Seemingly nothing
But the worry consumes me.

More for what it means.
The wider thoughts,
Its implications.

Lying awake in worry,
Unable to sleep.
The mistake I made.
An error of judgement.

A mistake,
And what it means.
My mistake made.

Oncoming

On comes the path ahead,

A new day,

Thoughts spiralling,

The time to come.

Sitting on a bench,

Thinking about it all.

Thinking, living,

Better than before,

But feeling only a part,

Waiting and wondering.

What happened to it all,

Where did it go?

What happened to get here.

What next?

In the oncoming.

In the place I find myself.

Sitting, waiting, wondering.

Of all the things gone past.

Of all the times gone,

Flown, out of my grasp.

Leaving nothing left.

But memories.

Memories, but with empty substance.

Gone at a chance.

Left without.

I sit here,

Left on a bench.

Wondering and waiting.

Only left is the oncoming.

Looking Back Fondly

Looking back fondly,
The memories and moments once shared.
Time has passed.
Things have changed.
Looking back fondly.

Circumstances have changed,
Now is not the same,
Not alike.
I miss the past,
The time spent,
Our conversations,
What we shared.
Looking fondly back.

Maybe all an illusion.
The inevitable death that time brings.
I cannot tell.
Was it all a lie?
It all for nothing?
Was it something.
I cannot tell.
Looking fondly back.

Memories, photos and feelings,
All to remind me,
Of what I found.
What you showed me.
How I tried to help.
Looking fondly back.

Looking fondly back,
I look on through my mind’s eye,
A tear running down,
Remembering the time found and lost.
Missed, left and dying.
Like I am inside.
Making of life,
To have it ripped from my chest.
I look fondly back,
Always will,
Remembering and happy-sad.
Looking fondly back.

Killing Me Slowly

The emotions,

The pain,

The sadness,

Overwhelming yet also not.

Emptying even in my exhaustion.

Contemplating some foreign aspects.

Emptying myself like a cup.

Removing all that makes me- me,

All that makes me a being, a person.

Wondering,

As I sit here unfeeling,

Wondering.

Thinking.

Waiting hoping and losing.

Troubles pile on and I sit in astonishment.

Time moves on,

And emotions are killing me slowly.

The Happy Tear

Happy tear rolling down my face,

A smile alongside the sadness.

My knowledge of the times.

The way it cannot be.

The estrangement,

Away and apart.

Gone and not around.

How I want to be with you.

The happy tear,

Running down my face,

Seeing you happy,

Seeing all those good moments you’re making.

Those times we shared.

Gone before I got to know you.

Ended and final.

Before I realised.

Before I realised.

It was gone.

It was gone before I knew. Before what was lost.

All the thoughts, hopes and ideas.

All turned to dust before my eyes.

The gravity hits me on high.

Rips me open and throws me aside.

The happy tears fall,

Breaking me apart from the inside,

As I smile happy,

Dying inside.

Broken and made at the same time.

Thrown from everything I have ever known.

Lost in the turmoil.

Thrown from comfort and care,

Ground to dust.

The last scene.

Your happiness,

As in my sadness a happy tear runs down my face.

The happy tear runs down.

Confused Mind

Confused mind ,

In a dichotomous state.

Happy, sad, excited and in pain.

Lost and unable to navigate the confusing confines of my mind.

Unable to translate feelings,

To thoughts I can understand.

Shifts in emotions happening at a flash,

Throwing myself into disarray and confusion.

Trying to understand my feelings,

Trying to find an answer,

In myself. My mind. My heart.

Stuck in amidst my confused mind.

Blind in life,

To my feelings and thoughts.

Unable to determine or see.

Pained by what is in my mind,

The confusion that greets me.

The hurt that remains.

Thinking and thinking.

Over-thinking.

Seeing reality for what it is,

But irrationality still affecting me.

My confused mind,

What happens now?

The broken times ahead.

My own.

Confused mind.

Feeling or Unfeeling

Question plaguing my mind,The meaning and being.The feeling,Empty and everything.The lasting question.Times which paralyse me.The answer shown.The happy-sad feeling,But feeling nevertheless.To feel,To live,To let die, but live on.My answer found,The place been.The feeling lives on.In.My answer.The feeling,Better than the lack.Better than the emptiness.Better than the end.Making me feel.Against my best efforts.A life to live,Rather than to survive.The place I find myself.The feeling that comes,The end that drifts by.My place,My feelings.The feeling of being.The me that was once lost,Once forgotten.And on I drift.It is me.The place of me.The better feeling,Than the unfeeling once known.Feeling me.A better me.The better way.This is me.The place and the feeling.The place I am.A happy-wreck.A drowned being.Overwhelmed by feeling.By being,The path outstretched,But missed.The feeling of feeling.Being whilst being.The place drifting away.Shown for nothing,While also everything.This feeling,Better than the lack.This me,This feeling,This being.I am me.All I am.This feeling.